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My arms are killing me!

10 replies

Cbell · 18/02/2011 12:52

6 week old DD always wants to be carried and I have encouraged this so it's my own fault!

During the day she tends to nap when in her sling or her pram. She wont stay in the sling for long once she is awake but likes to be carried around with me.

I understand this is entirely natural...after all she is a tiny baby but she cries if I put her down. I can not get anything done...try making the bed one handed!

Will she grow out of this or do I have to get her to accept being put down?

Oh also the dog keeps crying at me too...my small things are making life very hard today :(

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Furball · 18/02/2011 13:24

Sorry you are having a hard time.

It sounds like you need some sort of baby sling (sorry I have no knowledge or experience)

If you start a new thread with a different title saying - something like Help - Baby sling advice needed - I'm sure loads of folk will be able to point you in the right direction. Smile

BlooKangaWonders · 18/02/2011 13:27

definintely get a sling - use it in the house and outside.

And repeat the mantra - it's just a phase...

(my dc3 was v similar, and it does end!)

Cbell · 18/02/2011 13:36

Oh no I have a sling. Sorry I've not made myself clear...it's the Friday Frazzled Feeling!

The problem is I am either carrying her in a sling or in my arms. She doesn't like being put down!

Is this normal? Will she grow out of it?

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MadreInglese · 18/02/2011 13:38

Personally I'd get her used to being put down for periods of time, but it's up to you if you're happy to carry her everywhere....

gourd · 18/02/2011 13:58

It's normal and I'm sorry to tell you that is only gets worse as the get heavier! My nearly 6mo DD still wants me to take her everywhere with me around the house and sits on my knee when I'm sitting down even in a cafe or restaurant. She's got better at sitting at the table in her own high chair but will only tolerate that for so long and then will want to be more involved somehow by being on our knees. I've got used to having an aching back and a permanent slouch with my shoulders forwards from carrying/pushing pram/breast-feeding - you develop a lovely round shouldered look very quickly! I'm trying to combat it by using a resistance band training exercise for my upper back which will pull the shoulders back, but tbh I'd have to spend several hours a day doing it to combat the massively round shouldered effect of carrying my DD for so long. All parents have back/arm ache - I think it's the law...

bessie26 · 18/02/2011 17:58

Yep, afraid it's normal! You will get used to it though, just think of the lovely workout your arms are getting! Wink
Try to "engage your core" (hold your tummy in) when you lift as this will help protect your back, and try to maintain a good posture when you can (shoulders back, boobs out).
Once she gets a bit bigger & starts napping your arms will get an occasional rest!

justalittleblackraincloud · 18/02/2011 21:04

Perfectly normal! She wants to be near the person that makes her feel safe, don't blame her!

You'll probably get the "rod for your own back" line shortly, if you haven't already...

But we've used a sling with DD since she was a newborn, and she's not a clingy nightmare child in the slightest. A lovely confident, secure 19 month old :)

What sling do you have?

Cbell · 19/02/2011 08:33

I'm using a fabric sling. One that you cross around your body. I am thinking of upgrading to an Ergo to see if that eases the physical discomfort?

Justa, yes I think what I am concerned about is the idea of creating a 'rod'. By instinct I feel that if she wanst to be near me and carried all the time to go with it - what ever makes her feel secure.

However, I have this other competing idea that I'll limit her ability to be independent. Argh I sound crazy! I know she is only 6 weeks old and she can't be independent. Just lots of different ideas out there and new mummy worries.

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justalittleblackraincloud · 19/02/2011 10:48

I'd have thought a wrap should be more comfy than an ergo for a newborn? As long as your tying it nice and high and tight.

That said, an ergo could be a good choice as she grows. I'm assuming your wrap is a stretchy one?

I really would urge you to trust your instincts. After all, she's just following hers!

This "requirement" society has for babies to be independent as soon as possible is a bonkers one as far as I'm concerned. But it is one that new mums feel under pressure to conform to. I know I did. I loved carrying her, and would always pick her straight up when she cried, would feed her on demand, and had no desire to leave her at all, ever. But I spent the first 3 months of her life worrying that it was wrong, and that I was setting myself up for a hard time later.

Finding a babywearing forum really helped me, as it was full of "attachment parents" who were doing the same things as me. Granted we didn't BF or co-sleep like a lot of them did, but I was reassured to find so many other mums who were just responding to their babies needs like I was. And they were happy! And had older children who were normal! And none of them were lentil weaving hippies. Just normal mums, enjoying and understanding their babies.

Look up Attachment Parenting. It's not a new faddy thing, but describes all the benefits of giving your baby unlimited access to the place she feels most safe in all the world.

As I said, we've been baby-led in everything we've done for DD. She's been carried in a sling, fed on demand, BLW'd, we've not sleep trained her, and don't and won't use naughty steps or star charts. Tell that to a HV and they've probably got a picture in their heads of a spoilt, overweight, demanding, out of control child. But she's in fact a loving, chatty, confident, secure little girl.

I don't regret for a second "giving in" to that tiny baby who just wanted to be held. Yes it was hard work at the time, yes there were times where I wished she'd sleep on her own. But things change so quickly and now I miss watching her sleep! The only thing I'd change next time around, is to relax into it from that very first day. Listening to no one but her made our lives so much happier. And led us to so many other "alternative" ways of raising her, that have enabled us to be the parents we always wanted to be, but didn't feel like we should/could.

Spandangle · 19/02/2011 11:28

my understanding is that babies are able to become confident/independant/explorative children (and then adults!) when they are made to feel they have a safe and secure base i.e. you!

its normal and they do grow out of it.

I would recommend seeing a chiropractor for back pain. its common to end up with 'kinks' after nursing which can cause long term problems if not addressed.

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