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Original poster

Sharing bedrooms

12 replies

takethatlady · 18/02/2011 11:50

This is a bit of a hypothetical post since I'm currently only 21+5 with DD1 (and have no other DCs). But DH and I are hoping to move home before the baby is born (or shortly after ) and whatever we buy we are likely to be stuck in for a long time (low/negative equity situation). So we want the house to be somewhere where, in the worst case scenario, we can happily knock off as many sprogs as we like

I mentioned this to SIL and said we were looking for somewhere with 3 bedrooms (we currently have 2) so that even if we had several kids boys and girls could share a room.

This is a massive step up from my own childhood, where I shared a room with my brother until I was 14 (he was 11), after which he got put in a cupboard knocked into a wardrobe (a la Harry Potter) and I shared with my new step-sister until I was 17 and got my own room.

DH has 3 sisters (of which SIL is one) and he had his own room while the three of them shared.

Anyway, SIL was horrified and said children shouldn't be made to share rooms and that it was hell sharing, even with 2 sisters she loves to bits. She thinks it's only acceptable until they're 8 or 9, after which each child needs its own room. (I am sure she will revise this once she has her own children and can't afford a room for each of them!)

But it got me thinking - what is acceptable for sharing and what isn't? Does anyone agree with SIL? Isn't there a law about boys and girls sharing? I had been naively hoping that sharing would be a good thing, even if it went on into the teenage years, because it would be nice to share with a sister (after years of a brother), and might stop some of the hovelling-away-in-your-own-room-and-chatting-to-men-on-the-internet scenarios, etc! Now starting to think I'm wrong and that the ideal scenario would be each to their own. What do other people think?

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aPixie · 18/02/2011 12:28

Well in council or housing association property a boy/girl mix can only share until the oldest is 10yrs old. I'm not sure if you own your property.

Boy/boy, girl/girl can share until one of them moves out.

I always had my own room growing up as did my brother. It was nice but I wouldn't have minded sharing in the younger years lol.

We have a dss who will be staying every other weekend and as he is 9yrs old and my oldest is only 22months, we think it only fair that dss gets his own room for when he stays.

Tis means that my 2 boys will share a room until dss is older.

I think they'll enjoy it. Nothing wrong with siblings sharing rooms IMO. Your SIL is mad.

Original poster

takethatlady · 18/02/2011 14:54

- she is mad (lovely mad, but mad).

Glad to have some back-up!!

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Doyouthinktheysaurus · 18/02/2011 15:03

I have ds's who share a room...they love it. They are 8 and 6 now, have shared since ds2 was not quite 1. Of course they fight every now and again but on the whole they enjoy each others company and DS2 especially would hate being on his own.

We do have a 3rd bedroom but it is a box, and also full of all junk! I would be loathe to give up the spare room but if, when they get older they decide they want seperate spaces, one will get the box!

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redstripeyelephant · 18/02/2011 21:35

I shared with my sister until she left to go to uni when I was 17 and she was 18. I remember it being fun when we were younger but not so much fun when we were teenagers. I once stormed out of the room in the middle of the night to tell my mum that she was 'breathing too loudly on purpose just to annoy me!!'

We have a 3 bed house and 2 DDs, I think we'll move them in together when DD2 is about 1 so we can reclaim the nursery as a junk room study but I am hoping that by the time they are teenagers we'll have a house big enough for them to have their own rooms.

manchestermummy · 18/02/2011 21:35

My DDs are going to have to share. The market's as flat as a pancake and we have two bedrooms. Simples!

roundwindow · 18/02/2011 23:58

Bunk beds are quite good for creating a modicum of privacy in a shared room. Just a thought...

Oneof4 · 19/02/2011 07:57

Don't worry too much about it - they will grow up seeing their situation as normal, whatever it is.

The important thing is not to overstretch yourself with the mortgage. Stressing about meeting payments is going to cause much more family angst than stroppy teens (who are going to strop anyway!).

OffToNarnia · 19/02/2011 08:16

It is going to be bunk beds for our 2 boys . At mo 20 month old sleeping with me but we will get bunks when he is less annoying at night.We are very stretched money wise and simply have no choice at the moment. Can't afford bigger mortgage and people being made redundant at work.. hell we even have too be careful not to stretch ourselves on cost of sodding bunk beds!! Sure we are not the only ones.. our boys will have to share for the foreseeable future.

Original poster

takethatlady · 19/02/2011 08:57

Haha good point oneof4. My brother had a sleep disorder until he was twenty and used to bang his head on the pillow over and over again shouting 'um-wah, um-wah' with every bang of the head. So sharing with him was just a tiny bit annoying! I thought I was an insomniac until I left home, as we lived in a flat and above us were horrendous druggie neighbours who played house music as loud as possible until 4 or 5am every day and threatened to beat you up if you called the police or the council.

This isn't an argument for not sharing (though my brother's sleep disorder is apparently hereditary and my auntie has a similar one , so one of my kids could have it!). It's an argument for 1) it was annoying in many ways but did no harm at all and 2) I'm thinking that living in a 3 bedroom house and sharing with a sibling of the same sex is nowhere near as bad as that, so it's a step up whichever way!

Glad this is just normal. Definitely confirmed, SIL is bonkers :)

OP posts:

Ragwort · 19/02/2011 09:07

I guess its also to do with what you are used to - I was very fortunate in that I always had my own room - but now I find it incredibly difficult to share a bedroom with my DH so we usually end up sleeping apart - also we only have one child so it is not an issue for us - on holiday recently four of us had to share a room (me, DH, DS and my brother) and I did find that very difficult .

Appreciate I am very lucky to have more bedrooms than people in my family - sorry, not really adding anything constructive to this thread .

Perhaps it is therefore a good thing to share as it probably makes you more tolerant?

devonsmummy · 19/02/2011 09:12

I have DS 4 and DD 1. We have a 2 bed and cant really afford to move until im back at work ( when youngest is in school, so they Will be sharing for a while yet.
DS doesnt like sleeping alone so he's happy to share at the moment but im sure he'll be ready for his own space in 2-3 years!!

WoTmania · 19/02/2011 12:00

I think sharing is Good For Them . I say this as an only girl so was never the one doing the sharing; my brothers had that joy.

Of my friends who have shared they've all really enjoyed it.

My DSs share, DD will have her own room once it's in a fit state for habitation and she moves out of ours.

TBH if we have a 4 bed house I think I would still have the boys sharing and have the extra room as a spare room and/or study playroom. This whole 'they need their own space' thing irritates me. I think one of the things about having siblings is that you learn to live with ohters and compromise and find your own space if that makes sense.

takethatlady interesting idea about 'and might stop some of the hovelling-away-in-your-own-room-and-chatting-to-me n-on-the-internet scenarios, etc' I think you probably have a good point.

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