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Parenting

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Original poster

So....why'd you have DC no.2?

16 replies

hugglebug · 17/02/2011 20:56

I only ask because I have a DD aged 2.2 years and I'm beginning to think about having another DC next year but I don't have the over whelming yearn for a baby that I had before having first DC. I worry coz i had PND and wonder that if it can happen with a really wanted and planned child will it happen again if i'm not as "hormonally/mentally" driven. Is wanting to provide a sibling a good enough reason.
Your thoughts would be really appreciated. Ta.

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jamaisjedors · 17/02/2011 20:57

I didn't have an overwhelming desire for another, but then it never occured to me to have an "only".

When I see DS1&2 together it confirms that for me.

Hassled · 17/02/2011 21:00

Many many people only have one because they've never wanted any more, and that's absolutely fine. Having an only child = swings and roundabouts, advantages and disadvantages. I don't think you should feel obligated to provide a sibling if you don't otherwise feel the need for another.

But FWIW, re the PND, I think with subsequent children the consensus is that you'd be much better at recognising the symptoms and so would deal with it better.

bumbums · 17/02/2011 21:10

I think wanting a sibling for DC1 is a good enough reason. Only children are put under a lot of pressure through out their lives to please their parents and look after them in old age.
Your bound to be wary about having another baby, after having PND. But second time round things will be very different. You'll know the signs if your slipping under and will know to get help. Also you'll have more confidence in your mothering skills cos you've done it successfully once already.
Its getting the balance between recovering from your last experience and not leaving it too long so the shock of having a new born again is too great.
With good support you'll do great. Go for it!

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TheGoddessBlossom · 18/02/2011 17:40

Never occurred to me not to have another. Not in the same way as having a 3rd - I don't know why! 2 is enough for me, but 1 definitely wouldn't have been.

redstripeyelephant · 18/02/2011 18:45

it wasn't an overwhelming urge like it was with DC1, more a 'best get on with it' kind of feeling, as we knew we wanted 2. In a way it made things better, as TTC was nowhere near as stressful!

I fell pregnant v quickly second time and it was a bit of a shock, but once I got over that and the bump started growing baby no.2 was every bit as wanted and longed for.

cakeywakey · 18/02/2011 18:49

We had no2 as neither of us felt that our family was complete yet. I think it might be now, will see how we feel in a year or so. Good luck on deciding

manchestermummy · 18/02/2011 21:39

I always wanted more than one (I'm an only child myself) and felt very broody, like I did when we were ttc DC1, almost as if there was suddenly more room in my heart to love another .

freddy05 · 18/02/2011 22:34

the moment I gave birth I knew I wanted another it was just a matter of finding the right time in the whole scheme of things. DD1 loves having a new sister so it was definatly a good thing to do. worryingly I felt exactly the same the second time to so some day soon we'll be off again :)

mindtheagegap · 19/02/2011 13:02

DS unplanned teenage pregnancy - very loved though. DD planned but unable to concieve for years - came along luckily many years later. Both essentially 'only's'. If you have planned to have two then go for it.

BTW bumbums with regards to the benefits of siblings - DS (growing up as an only child) never asked for a sibling, had, and still has, loads of friends and does not feel under any obligation to look after me in my old age - was also very good at sharing. I was middle child of three, hated sharing, was not (and am still not) particularly close to my siblings, only had a couple of close friends and do feel an obligation to care for my parents when they're older. So best not to generalise on these things

piprabbit · 19/02/2011 13:14

Because not only was DD an only child, but she was the only child in the extended family (and possibly would always been the only child - going by aging rellies).

We saw her coming under increasing pressure and a huge amount of interest (in the nicest most caring way imaginable) from GPs, aunts and uncles etc. and felt that it would be better for her to have a sibling to share the spotlight with.

I have secondary infertility and I never really wanted to do the whole IVF thing for myself - but was prepared to do it in (what I feel) were my DDs interests.

Roo83 · 19/02/2011 16:08

I always wanted more than one-I've got 2 sisters who I'm very close to and never even considered having an only child. I love kids though (not just my own) so would happily keep going if it wasn't for everything else. Once I was pregnant I worried a lot that I wouldn't bond with number 2 as much, that number 1 would feel pushed out etc. It was all fine, I'm so so happy I went on to have another.

emlu67 · 28/02/2011 18:46

I always knew that I wanted two children (think it was due to having a brother close in age) however my husband grew up as an only child and would have been quite happy not having a second one so I had to convince him!

We had a lot of trouble conceiving DC1 and thought we would always be childless so for us it was a miracle to just have one. We didn't wait too long to try for DC2 in case we had problems again so when he arrived it was a real bonus!

Now they are 6 and 4 it is lovely to see them playing happily together (most of the time). Of course there is an amount of squabbling too. But overall I think it is wonderful that they have each other now and hope they are still close as adults and for us it was the right choice.

However it is a choice and whatever works for you and your family is the most important thing. Do not feel pressurised by anyone else...

EssexGurl · 01/03/2011 18:12

I always knew I didn't want an only child. But also had difficulty birth, colicy child, PND with DS. So, took me and DH a long time to decide to go for number 2. I think we were both worried that I would have problems again. But DD was a much easier birth, baby and it was a much better time for me. I think also that with subsequent children you are in a more established routine and there is less time to become down. For me, when I had number 2 I had to get DS from nursery, then school, so there was always a reason to go out and mix with other people. When I had my first, I didn't have to go out all day and avoided it because of his crying. That didn't help my own mental health.

DS is now 5 and DD coming up for 2. They fight, but love each other and seeing them together is very special.

darleneconnor · 01/03/2011 18:22

I was an only and hated it so didnt want to do that to ds. I also wanted one of each but ikwym that the urge wasnt as severe.

BarbarianMum · 01/03/2011 18:45

In all honesty because I really wanted another one. But if I hadn't really wanted one I'd probably have tried to have one anyway because I really, really didn't want an only child (I am far too anxious to be a good mother for an only).

pointythings · 01/03/2011 21:49

I started telling DH 'When we have our second baby' about 10 minutes after the (very difficult and traumatic) birth of our first DD. I always had two in mind, fortunately so did he - though with twins in his family we were risking 3 (didn't happen).

DD2 was always planned and wanted and pretty much inevitable barring secondary infertility problems - and icing on the cake, her birth was a walk in the park.

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