new baby - help please

[ILovePonyo]

I'm sure there are loads of threads about this but could really do with some words of reassurance if possible.
Had dd 2 days ago (need to post in feb ante natal thread still!) and have been feeling, on and off, since she was born a sort of sick/stressed/nervous feeling in my stomach.
I can't quite put my finger on it, I don't know exactly what I'm worrying about but its unsettling.
I know practically my hormones will be all over the place and settling down for a while, but any words of advice or reassurance from anyone who has felt the same would be welcome.
Thanks in advance, will check back in later on.

Day 3 is said to be the start of the baby blue's isn't it?
Not to be mistaked for full on PND, but just as you describe, feeling a bit off, confused, detached maybe.
I wouldn't worry about it too much, with both mine, I spent the first week pretty much in constant tears without a clue as to why!!!
Try to rest lots and don't put too much pressure on yourself to get everything done.
Set yourself small reachable targets for each day (just getting dressed for the next few days is a massive achievement).
I'm sure it will pass soon, so please don't worry.

Congratulations

I remember that feeling so clearly, you've described it exactly as I remember it, and I'd actually forgotten. I think it only lasted until my milk came in properly, which was about day 5.

You'll be fine

Thanks Silvery and strawberrie. Just your replies have made me feel a bit better :) Feel a bit teary reading them to be honest!

Thanks for your words of advice. All wise and things I should know but sometimes its good to be reminded.

I am lucky too - she's gorgeous! Need to stop worrying.

I cried every single day (not all day!) for the first 4 weeks. And for the first week was knackered/ emotional/nervous and weirdly detached. It was like I was watching myself doing things and the responsibility of it all was crushing. All normal and it goes really quick xx

I felt like this too. Everything seemed so transformed and it kind of makes you feel dizzy/disorientated. I found getting a big hug, or lying in a bath, and crying a lot really helped! Just to release some emotion. But whatever feels good to you. Rest assured it is very normal at this stage to feel all kinds of things - don't judge your emotions too much for at least a year a few weeks!

SilveryMoon has given great advice - rest, relax (as much as poss), stay in the moment, do whatever makes you feel cosy and safe. This is a new normal - and it will take a good while for it to sink in. But it will!
Congratulations :)

Yes to all of that Mary, I do feel a bit detached to be honest and then feel guilty for feeling like that etc etc...

The responsibility is crushing and I'm trying not to think about it! So thank you that it is normal and that the feeling goes. Its what I need to hear.

Firstly well done and congratulations.

Adjusting to being a mum is huge (at least it has been for me, despite really wanting this to happen). I expect your hormones are all over the shop at the moment, I certainly cried for no reason in the first few days - and then I cried for many reasons in the first few weeks. For example, because I stopped breast feeding at six weeks and felt guilty, because I was constantly sleep deprived and still am, because when you've tried all the options to calm the baby and hope that loving him might be enough it isn't, because I couldn't even find time to go to the loo let alone wash as my DS required picking up all the time, because people are full of helpful advice about what you should be doing and what you've done wrong, because I felt completely alone without support and although I wanted a baby I expected to totally enjoy the experience and felt terrible for not relishing every moment and guilty for wanting time by myself again, and because everywhere I looked I saw people with angelic babies looking totally fabulous and content. I've made it to 12 weeks now and haven't cried for a while. I hope my sharing offers some comfort and doesn't depress you (I could also list many wonderful things about being a mum). I'm sure what you are experiencing at present is simply a hormonal and physical adjustment, and nothing more so don't worry too much about feeling a little off. As silverymoon says get lots of rest, don't put high expectations on yourself in fact have no expectations and just take one day at a time. And use support networks.

i think the milk comes in between days 3 and 5 and thats a pretty full on rush of emotion (generally blue feelings from mine and friends experience). First time round its worse, as you dont know what to expect.

in my experience it went after a couple of days.

Also, i think you articulated really well the emotional feeling that comes with a new baby. you think it will just be all lovely etc (and it will be!) but its also very scarey, big responsibilty etc. try to get as much rest as poss when you can and limit the visitors . take loads of photos. soon baby will be big and fascinated with picking their nose (or is that just my 2).

I felt exactly like this. I can only described it (weirdly I know!) sort of like the feeling when you have had some bad news or a huge shock. I used to walk round thinking 'how does everything look the same when I feel so different and this massive thing has happened to me'. It was like an out of body experience sometimes.
It only lasted a few days, 2 weeks maximum though and then it just felt more and more normal and wonderful to have dd and after 9 months she is without a doubt the most wonderful amazing thing I have ever done and I cant imagine what I did before she was here.
You will be fine, and congratulations on your dd!

Thank you too aqua. Have told dp how I'm feeling and he's being lovely - lots of hugs and he's currently changing dd's nappy so I can post - he's a star!

I think I will keep coming back to this thread just to re-read all of your reassuring words - I really appreciate it.

Hi Ponyo, I had DS (my first baby) last Sunday, and I had this sick feeling and an upset tummy for the first 3 or 4 days- I literally couldn't sleep even if he was and felt like a truck had hit me!

Now feel better and getting more and more confident with him each day and now he's sleeping a bit better the sick feeling has gone, so hopefully it will for you too - hope that helps!

Oh god thank you all. Have just had a little cry after reading what you have each put - each of your posts have included a part of how I'm feeling and I know I keep saying this but it really does help to know I'm not on my own.

Thank you for sharing I really mean it.

I remember that- also being dog tired but unable to sleep as so full of hormones. Oh and a thought on what have I done/ how will I cope? The first month was tough but it did get easier

i remember it got much easier after 6 weeks. do you have an NCT group? those weekly meet ups at our houses were a god send.

also- yes that sick feeling does go- and you will soon feel able to have a bath or go to bed and let DP mind the baby. it does take a while though- you feel as if they need you there all the time just to watch them and check if they need anything. good luck!

Feel all weepy reading this, am actually nostalgic for the very feelings you describe!

Just immerse yourself in it all, including the emotion, and just when you think you have got the hang of it, it all changes again!

Congratulations

Hi again guys. Just thought I'd check back in. It seems the feeling I described starts to get worse in the evening (about now!) which I think is something to do with worrying about the night time generally.

krisskross I don't have an nct group but might have a look for one if its something you found useful. God 6 weeks seems like a long time at the moment!

cheesechomper congrats to you on the birth of your ds, glad to hear you're feeling better and yes what you said does help :)

lizbert you have described it so well - it is like having some shock or bad news, and no way do I think of dd in any way a 'bad' thing to have happened - maybe I just need to wait for things to start feeling "normal" like you described.

hoping thank you for sharing, your words have helped too. I really wanted to be a mum too, dd is so wanted, so I think thats why I/we feel bad for moaning about it when I feel like this. Congrats on your little one who is 12 weeks now I assume?

Thanks again everyone, like I said before I really appreciate it :) xx

Congratulations on the birth of your LO . It is hugely unsettling with your first, as you worry about whether you can actually do this, and what you have actually done!! and three days PN is a hideous time of hormonal surges and baby blues. I remember getting DS1 home and just sitting there looking at him wondering what the hell I was meant to do next, (nothing he was fast asleep) but not wanting to go and do anything else in case he needed me and then just sitting crying at DH for what felt like hours.

Take it easy, with as much rest as you can and try and limit visitors if possible. Babymooning; in bed with LO with lots of skin to skin is a lovely thing to do; great for helping establish BFing and for general bonding. DH can join you as well and it's all rather nice.

I think that there is sooo much pressure for mum to be up and about and receiving visitors from day 1, but really our instincts are to go and hide in our dark cave for a while.

Hi crispy, you are right we have had quite a few visitors already and it is so much nicer when it is just me, dp and dd. I think you can underestimate how tiring having visitors, however well meaning they are, can be.

I have had some moments of crying for no reason today. She has just been sleeping and I have also been thinking - but what should I be doing?! Nothing like you say but I thnk its easy to doubt yourself.

Thanks for replying, am going to go and get some rest for a bit now :)

hey ponyo
your midwife/ health visitor maybe able to recommend a new mums group locally- another way to meet people in exactly the same boat which is so helpful. alternatively call the NCT (sorry no time to find a link) they have a helpline and may be able to recommned a local new mums group. it helps so much just to have other people in the same position.

Re vistiors- we had lots with DS and i regertted it as was so tired- and no time to just be three of us. second time round with DD we had much fewer and it was def. better!

This is SO normal. Your hormones will be all over the place and don't be alarmed if you find yourself crying a lot.

I remember having a churning type feeling in my stomach for at least the first 4 weeks and yes, a feeling of being unsettled that you can't quite put your finger on.

This WILL pass and you will start to feel better and relax as time goes on.

However, keep an eye on things and be aware if you feel that the "baby blues" are lifting after say 4 ish weeks.

Waves to ponyo, just want to say a huge congratulations! Sorry i have no advice or words of wisdom as im a first timer too (due on sunday)! Hope you feel better soon and enjoy all your baby snuggles

krisskross that is a good idea about asking midwife, am getting her weighed on monday so might ask then. I'm quite lucky as I live in a city so there are a few surestarts etc about. You are right about visitors - i need to be firm!

ipredict I am not much of a 'cryer' normally so it is a bit alarming crying for no reaon, I just need to remember its more down to hormones. Glad to hear the churning feeling lifted for you, that is such a good way of describing it.

waves back at janedoe! thank you - am currently having a snuggle and typing one handed! She is gorgeous, best of luck to you for sunday (well, if your LO decides to show up on time that is!) really hope things go well. I will keep an eye our for any news :) xx