Nursery/Kindergarten

[6ame]

My son turns 3 in November, and I would like to know if I should send him to nursery.

His mother in is favour of it, I'm not against it, I just haven't made my mind up, so I would like to know, preferably from personal experience, whether you think I should or not.

What are the advantages, and disadvantages?

Here's my concern, I have high hopes for him, and I know most parents will say this, but I think he's very clever, and I am worried his intelligence growth will be stunted if he's being spoon-fed nonsensical nursery rhymes, or worse yet, baby talk from the staff, or even other children.

So, what is your opinion? Personal please, no textbook answers, I can find them myself using a search engine.

I did send mine when they got their free sessions at age 3 - it gave me some free time and they get to go and have some fun. DS does lots of things at nursery - they have a construction area, water area, a wii and computer, music area, book area and a large outside area where they can go on a climbing frame, ride a bike, play football, play in the playhouse, dig in the mud, use chalks/paint on the wall, etc. They learn to share, have quiet time with their group, etc so not stunting in any way. They also get to bake once a week which they all seem to love.

p.s. they have also been learning scottish songs as it was Burns night recently. They made lanterns, did some chinese writing and had some races while learning about Chinese New Year!

I think you should go and visit the nurseries you are actively considering, plus a couple of others for comparison. Then you can make what can only ever be a personal decision, based on evidence, not on worries that prove misplaced.

Oh dear, have you the slightest notion how pretentious you are? Of course you have high hopes for your ds, but even the most extraordinarily gifted child needs the socialisation that nursery brings. I sincerely hope - for your dc's sake - that you manage to restrain your aspirations. You put him and the whole of your family under ridiculous pressure with this attitude.

And I speak as a person with a lot of experience of highly gifted children and adults of all ages.

Of course you should send him to nursery! And the most important feature of the nursery you choose should not be its syllabus but its atmosphere of love, exploration, and organised, creative chaos.

You don't have to send him to nursery, but you may want to go and have a look around a few of them. Unless you are very unlucky, you will not see children who are held back, or spoken to like babies. Yes, they might sing some nursery rhymes, but there's nothing wrong with that. They have access to lots of learning resources that many parents can never hope to have in our homes.

I think you should put him in part time at a good nursery. DD never did the full 15 hours as i was at home full time looking after her little brother and wanted to spend time with her to. At preschool she learnt about taking turns/sharing/that she wasnt the centre of the universe/how to make friends without adult guidance.

This was good prep for school, she knew about sitting crossed legged on the carpet, answering the register.

Nursery rhymes are good for childrens language development btw. Teach about rhythem, rhyme and intonation. Understanding about rhyme is a stage in learning to read.

BTW, the simple rhymes and rhythmic structure of "nonsensical nursery rhymes" are an essential step along the way to developing sophisticated language skills.

I think nursery really helps to bring them on-don't forget if you chose a good one the staff are experts at dealing with children. The nursery may have facilities to do things you can't (or don't want to do) at home. The other thing to remember is that intelligence is more than just being academic-confidence, independence and knowing how to get along with us are just, if not more, important to get on in life. I'm a sahm but have sent ds to a kindergarten as I want him to get used to being away from me,used to the more structured day etc. so when he starts school he is ready to learn rather than being upset about the change from home life to school life

Sorry for all the typos above...on my phone and looking after 2 pre-schoolers!

I'm a primary teacher, have taught nursery, and my personal opinion is that nursery is very good for some children and unnecessary for others. My friends child comes from a home that doesn't do reading stories, arts and crafts are considered too messy, toys with too many pieces are not allowed, the only things he is really encouraged to do are watch TV or play on Wii/computer, and discipline and rules are virtually nil. For him nursery was important and has done him a lot of good. I like to think that for a child of mine I could provide suitable experiences myself and probably won't be bothering with nursery. Plus, in my area there are all sorts of places that do activities for under fives, so I would make use of those, as well as all the local amenities. We have many parks, lovely beaches, an art gallery with toddler art sessions, story time at the library, story time at a museum, music and movement at another museum, a lovely water play area at another museum, toddler sessions at another museum, and children's centres with different activity sessions. So I wouldn't want to commit to 5 mornings/afternoons at nursery and miss all the other things that are on offer. But, I do have to disagree with you about the nursery rhymes. They are good for children to learn.

My DS is a similar age to yours (he turns 3 in September) and has been in nursery 2 mornings a week since he turned 2. I think it has done him a lot of good in helping him learn to share and play nicely with other children and get used to things like mummy not always being around, learning patience, learning structure/rules, etc. I am a SAHM and do loads of activities with him when he is at home - toddler groups, art classes, gymboree, swimming, baking/cooking, arts and crafts etc etc - so it is not the case that he is not getting stimulation at home, but he does get to do some other things at nursery that we don't have access to at home, like playing in the sand table, etc. Another really positive thing for me has been that because I have these 2 mornings a week to myself, I can use that time to do the housework, run errands, go to the supermarket etc in peace so that when DS is at home with me I have lots of time and energy to devote to him and I am not always plonking him in front of the TV so that I can get on with the hoovering or something or dragging him round the post office/bank/shops while he struggles in his buggy.

The most important thing for me though is that he clearly LOVES nursery - he runs in smiling every time I take him there, talks about the other children and the staff all the time, sings songs he has learned there etc. If he didn't enjoy it, I would have stopped taking him.

As the other posters have said, if you visit your local nurseries you will get a much better idea of what each one is like and I think that would really help your decision as you will be able to see the facilities for yourself and see the activities they offer. On paper our local nurseries all sounded the same but they all felt very different when I visited them. And of course you don't need to use the whole 15 hours - even one or 2 mornings a week could be enough for you.

I was offered a job when I was still on maternity leave with DS which I really couldn't refuse and it was a big deal to take him to nursery first. However, he clearly enjoyed it and now when he has been at home with me while I am on maternity leave with DD, he clearly misses the company of other children. It is not the same to go to parks etc, where the other children only stay for a while and you can't really bond with them. Even more than academic skills, I am so pleased that he is learning the social skills when he starts the nursery again.

Thank you all (except PrettyCandles) for your advice, some helpful stuff so far.

I disagree that nursery rhymes are essential, especially when compared to other sources of reading.

What is a DS (not the Nintendo console)?

It's good to know you all have different opinions on this, I will certainly be taking a lot on board, here's hoping for many more.
Thank you.

Your PFB needs to go to nursery to learn manners, as he clearly won't learn them from you.

"Your PFB needs to go to nursery to learn manners, as he clearly won't learn them from you."
I have no idea what a PFB is (whatever happened to words?), but I do have to ask, at what point did I show a lack of manners?
Surely if I did, it should be incredibly easy to point out.

Because it is un-mannerly and petty to point out that you are excluding someone from your thanks, presumably because you disagree with what they say.

I stand by what I posted. And I hope that one day you will look back with the benefit of experience and recognise that your Precious First Born, and subsequent children, need normality and social skills just as much as they need intellectual stimulation.

I would also encourage you to read carefully what PrettyCandles wrote - apart from saying you were being pretentious, she gave some meaningful and thoughtful advice!

6ame, perhaps it's the tone of your message which has unintentionally provoked PrettyCandles responses (and I can see her point). Nursery staff are not stupid - they won't talk to your 3 year old in baby talk. Perhaps nursery rhymes are nonsensical, but then again much of our childrens literature is. It's good fun and imaginative.

My 3yr old loves nursery. I think most nurseries also follow something of a curriculum so you can be assured that there will be structured activities for his age.

Actually, rereading my first response, I see that I omitted one crucial word: my first sentence should have read:

"Oh dear, have you the slightest notion how pretentious you are being?"

Which makes quite a difference in terms of commenting on a person's behaviour, rather than commenting on them, personally. That was rude, I take it back and apologise for it.

Send him! A friend's DS is also "very intelligent" and she taught him at home rather than sending him to nursery / pre-school. When he got to school he could read and write. But - he had nothing in common with the other children. He had different work as he was bored with the work his class were doing. He has zero social skills. Yes, he is bright. But there is no personality there.

Nursery / pre-school gives them so much in terms of emotional and social development.

Pre-school is an excellent place for learning social skills and what will be expected of your DC when they start school (won't be such a culture shock).

I think what would make you happier is picking a setting that suits you. For example, I would never have chosen a local nursery because none of them have access to teachers only nursery nurses who obviously have fabulous skills but don't approach certain things in the same manner that a teacher would and as a SAHM I didn't feel DD would really benefit that much from our local nurseries that I looked at.

However, my DD does go to the kindergarten within what will be her school until she has finished her A-levels. DD has direction from both teachers and nursery nurses and because it is within a school she has access to such things as music lessons with a true music teacher (her most favourite part of the week), she also gets to do a PE lesson using the school apparatus in the gym. They also assess each child and include them in any other activities that they would benefit from for example DD is way ahead in her numerical skills so she takes part in the reception level maths class once a week. These are things that even the best nursery with the best will in the world could not provide because they don't have access to that level of equipment.

Do some research in your area and find something that suits otherwise come reception year your DC may find it a real struggle to settle.

The staff are not going to talk to him in baby talk. Just go and have a look around some local nurseries and see what impression you get, otherwise it seems like you are worrying based on a false example of what nursery could be like. Many nurseries are very good; some are not, so obviously choose somewhere that you think is going to be suited for him.
If his mother is in favour of it I really think you need to just open your mind to it and give it a chance, you may be pleasantly surprised that he benefits from it and enjoys it a lot.
Even if your son is clever for his age I don't really think that is an issue, if they are following the early years guidelines then the children get to make much of the decisions about what they will be doing during the day. He is not going to be forced to sit and participate all day in activities that are "beneath" him if that is what you're worried about.
They also learn a lot of valuable skills to prepare them for school, mixing with other children, sharing etc this is all just as important as the "academic" side of his development.
It will probably be good for him, I think you are worrying unnecessarily here

Sorry, but there is evidence that "nonsensical nursery rhymes" can actually help with speech and language development. it doesn't matter if you don't agree with it.

Some people don't agree that smoking is bad for you, doesn't mean the research is wrong though

open your mind a little bit.

DS - Darling/Dear Son
PFB - Perfect First Born. On MN, being a bit 'PFB' implies that you're being a mite precious.

hth (hope this helps)

Are you the one staying at home to look after him? Do you need the nursery for childcare?
Whoever is the carer of the children should have the deciding vote.
If you are an intelligent person who spends time talking to your son and doing fun things and spending time with other kids then your son will learn everything he needs to prepare him for school at 5/4.
Personally I see it as my job to prepare my DDs for school. Sending her to school a year before she needs to is only preparation if I am unable to prepare her myself.
My DD (4 in May) had her first session at nursery today and had a nice time. She is only going as I need to use her free place for childcare on an afternoon a week. I'll also send her another morning as I think just 1 session a week will make that session seem too much of a big deal, but 2 sessions is plenty.
Depending on your son's birthday you have the reception year to build up his time slowly so he gets used to school - he doesn't need to go full time until the term after his 5th birthday.

By the way, nursery rhymes are a pretty normal part of pre school life. The rhythm and rhyme can aid vocabulary and grammar. Not sitting down reading and learning them, how dull, but using rhymes and songs to deal with maintenance and general life etc. e.g. nail cutting, getting dressed, hair brushing etc If you don't know any or it isn't natural for you to sing, tell rhymes, you might talk more in your own way, but don't dismiss nursery rhymes altogether they are a valuable teaching/parenting tool.

DS1 started nursery last month and so far, i've seen he's progressed (he's 3.4 years) in terms of:

speech
confidence
attention span (particularly with arts and crafts)
social skills
he even put his dirty plates today, as that is what he does at nursery!

• (and most importantly) he absolutely loves it.