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Original poster

how do I help a child NO attention span?

27 replies

Littlepurpleprincess · 13/02/2011 18:03

DS is four. He has zero ability to concerntrate. I am finding everyday tasks impossible and by the time I've got him to school, I am stressed out. I've been driven to tears by shear frustration.

Basically, if I ask him to do something (anything) he says ok, then just sits there and stares into space.

I would never ask him to do anything he wasn't capable of.

I can say "DS please put your school shoes on". he will pick them up, sit down and then....just...drift....., so I say again, "put your shoes on please", he tries to get one foot in, then finds something else to stare at, and so it goes on....it takes him 20 mintues to put his pants on the morning!

I feel like everyday life is impossible with him right now. We get up at 7am, and live next door to the school but we are still late because anytime I try to get him do anything he refuses.

He never says 'no', he just stops.

I've tried disciplining him for it but he doesn't seem to care. He would sit in time out all day if it meant he didn't have to pick that one toy up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlepurpleprincess · 13/02/2011 18:05
  • How do I help a child with NO attention span...obviously.
OP posts:
coldtits · 13/02/2011 18:07

Have you tried just dressing him?

I dress ds2 because he farts around. He does fine with changing for PE at school, so it's not a question of 'can't' and I really do not want to make his brother late.

Also, until they are dressed, they get no TV, no breakfast, and no toys.

Original poster
Littlepurpleprincess · 13/02/2011 18:11

He's not allowed TV or anything like that unitl he is ready for school.

I can't just dress him. He's been perfectly capable of dressing himself for a long time. If I did he would give up completely. He's not the sort of child who wants to do anything for himself and I think it would just feed into his lazyness.

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coldtits · 13/02/2011 18:14

You can just dress him if it's affecting his education.

I promise you he won't still be doing it when he is 14.

coldtits · 13/02/2011 18:15

I dressed Ds1 all through reception. he's now 7 comeing on 8, and dresses himself quickly and efficiently.

Why make your life difficult? There are many things that children just grow out of.

Original poster
Littlepurpleprincess · 13/02/2011 18:20

I dunno, you haven't met DS...Grin

I make sure he's there in time for the register (he doesn't have any choice, I'm a childminder and have other children to get to school on time), he just goes without a coat (or shoes Blush) sometimes.

I want to avoid all the bloody nagging and stress over little, trivial things. I won't be so underappreciated though, if he makes a mess, he needs to pick it up! If I ask him to put a couple toys in a toy box he will just sit on his bum and wait for me to get so pissed off I do for him!

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Mollymax · 13/02/2011 18:22

He sounds very much like two of my daughters.
It is best to pick your battles, and if necessary dress him in the mornings. I find a kitchen timer helpful e.g you have 3 minutes until the timer goes and Iwould like you to put your shoes on.
I also find having a check list of what they need to do in the mornings helpful, you could do one with pictures until he is old enough to read one. Use in conjunction with rewards.
I still need to get my 10 year old dd clothes out on a school morning.

Mollymax · 13/02/2011 18:23

How is his concentration at school?
I also swear by omega 3 oil

Original poster
Littlepurpleprincess · 13/02/2011 18:27

We lay his clothes out in the the night before, he has a check list and I would reward him if he would do something I can reward (god, I sound horrible Sad.

I've tried a timer and he just stares at it.

The thing is I don't mind helping him when he needs it, with self care and stuff but if he tips a toys box out why the bloody hell should I have to pick it up for him? He's got arms, I just don't how to get him moving.

I think it would be really bad to teach him that if he can't be bothered, Mum will be right along to fix it for him.

I'm not asking for him to it all by himself, II just want him to try.

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlepurpleprincess · 13/02/2011 18:29

His concerntration at school has been poor but is improving. At first he would refuse to do anything (really refuse, crying and screaming) he doesn't do that anymore and chooses to join in a lot more. His teacher said he is still a drifter though.

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Mollymax · 13/02/2011 18:43

It does get better, but is so frustrating.
Consistency is the key.
I hve had to time out for not picking up toys etc.
I do try and make a game out of many things, but that too is tyring. You have my sympathies.

earlyriser · 13/02/2011 18:46

If he doesn't tidy something away it gets put in 'mum's toybox' (ie a big black bin bag) and doesn't come out again til you think he is capable of tidying things away again. Or he just gets one toy a day from a choice you give him of 2 ? I would also just dress him in the morning and not even say anything about it.

Is he at all competitive? he doesn't sound like he might be but would he respond to a 'race to see you is dressed first'?

earlyriser · 13/02/2011 18:46

see WHO, not you!

Original poster
Littlepurpleprincess · 13/02/2011 18:55

ooo the big black bag, my mum used to say that, I had forgetten that one!

It is so frustrating. I know the individual 'bad' behaviours aren't that bad but he grinds me down and then I snap at him for something small, and then I feel guilty. I'm just so tired^ of it now.

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catinthehat2 · 13/02/2011 19:01

He sounds knackered.

I am pretty hard hearted, but some of these little kids get REALLY tired.

If he's 4 , becoming 5 in teh summer (ie young reception), the poor little blighter may well be on his last legs.

Early bed, lie ins at the weekend, early meals so he can have a 6.00 bedtime, lots of easily digestible food so he can sleep.

Then he might be less spaced (nb, sorry if I have the wrong end of the stick)

Give the guy a break, and think about the times when you have been so tired you want to drop Grin

Original poster
Littlepurpleprincess · 13/02/2011 19:07

That is a very good suggestion actually. he goes to bed at 7 and wakes at 7 so he's getting a good 12 hours a night.
He eats like a horse!

I have tried explaining the concept of a 'lie-in' to DS but it's not going to happen, he thinks the whole idea is crazy Hmm

You don't have the wrong end of the stick, 'spaced' is just right. I say he's 'away with the fairies'.

Our house is busy and loud because of all the other kids. Maybe an earlier bedtime would help.

Also, MollyMax, I missed your point about omega3 earlier, does it really work?

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catinthehat2 · 13/02/2011 19:15

Early bedtime - if he is wised up to time (unlikely as a 4 yo), just lie brazenly. 6.00 till 7.00 would be fantastic!

I have done 5.30 on the odd occasion (!)

They can be completely drained by the demands of school - lots of learning, running round like idiots all day - it's Too Much.

Some of his colleagies will be best part of a year older - 1/4 of his life.

Original poster
Littlepurpleprincess · 13/02/2011 19:25

I know, it often strikes me how little he is at school. He had parent's evening and his (lovely) teacher was saying how he's not quite there with his reading yet but I keep thinking how some of the other kids have had a whole extra years for this, of course he's not there yet!

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Mollymax · 13/02/2011 20:19

Yes, i think omega 3 works.
When we do not give it to dd e.g holidays, we really see a difference. To me it is worth it.
I know what you mean re away with the fairies, we say dd comes from " planet pip" pip is our nick name for her.
We have seen community paed about concentration issues and other issues, she diagnosed ADD, which to be honest does not mean a lot.

Mollymax · 13/02/2011 20:23

For example dd was to go to bed early tonight.
I sent her up at 7.15 and said she had 15 minutes to undress, clean teeth and toilet, when i went up at 7.30 she had done zilch, she was playing in her room.
I feel like banging my head agaisnt the wall

Original poster
Littlepurpleprincess · 14/02/2011 08:41

That's exactly what DS is like. I will talk DP and give omega3 a go.

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Simic · 14/02/2011 09:21

We have similar issues. I think earlier bed time and lots of understanding are the best. I thought it was interesting that you said your house was busy and loud. My dd is at a very busy nursery and the teachers say she just watches the other kids a lot of the time and it stops her from concentrating on her own thing. I am definitely like this. I need peace and quiet to concentrate. I also need a LOT of sleep.
As for reading, I've heard so many times that if you try to teach a class of 4 year olds to read, half of them will really struggle whilst if you try to teach a class of 6 or 7 year olds to read, they'll all master it within a month... this is why they start school at a later age in Scandinavia, Germany etc.. Don't worry about him at all with reading. I keep thinking with my dd that it is just her personality and we need to give her as much peace and quiet and one-to-one time as possible ... and more sleep!

sneakapeak · 15/02/2011 20:42

4 - at school Sad.

I live in Scotland so most kids are 5 before starting school as we have the choice to keep them back.

I think he is KNACKERED and generally not interested in school and neither he should be - he is 4!
He should be running about making irritating aeroplane noises (my DS is nearly 4) and poking insects with a stick.
Not hurried out the door at the crack of dawn to sit on his bum on a seat while an adult whitters on and on all day.

Im not having a go at you obviously as theres no choice in the matter. Im just pointing out he sounds like a perfectly normal 4 year old with his head full of 4 year old stuff which don't include dressing efficently and finding school lessons stimulating!

Original poster
Littlepurpleprincess · 16/02/2011 08:06

To be fair sneakapeak, his school are fantastic and he is never sat on his bottom being whittered to. They learn their phonics through games for a short period of time each day and the rest is play based. He's in the reception class so still under the EYFS. He loves school and he was ready.

It's at home where the problems are, and mostly things he has to do but doesn't want to. Like putting his toys away or brushing his teeth. And I'm not asking him to be perfect or efficent. I'm asking him to try.

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sneakapeak · 17/02/2011 19:46

Sorry purple. School seems a little different here. There's no such thing as reception, just primary one.

Im just basing him on my DS as he is sounds just like him.

I dress him as I couldn't stand the nagging it would take to get him into his clothes on time.
When I have more patience, say at the weekend, I get him to dress himself and give him loads of praise (couldn't be assed with that during the week)!

As for putting toys away, yeah right - constant battle going on here.

Brushing his teeth - nope, pretty crap at that.

I haven't really questioned it much before as he is my first and I have a 14 month old DD and I just need to get him to nursery before she has a meltdown in a snowsuit!

Im just praying he will be more interested in doing this stuff himself in a year or two Hmm!