Help I am concerned about only ds aged 10

[ghostfreak]

he is my only dc and I am getting increasingly concerned about him as he doesn,t seem to mix with anyone.
I go out of my way to bring mates home but half of the times he doesn,t want them and he hasn,t asked for them.
He will not join in anything out of school will not go to holiday clubs, scouts, anything at all I have suggested things to him only to have it thrown back in my face.
I have made him have people over to play aginst his will at times as I want to see him mixing with his own age.
He can be a little shy but is genrally okay once he gets to know someone.
He rejects people very easily saying he doesn,t like them for whatever reason.
He doesn,t hang out with anyone in the neighbourhood doesn,t know a single child out of school and doesn,t seem bothered about it either.
I have spoken to my sister about him and she says I need to step back and relax about things as I am putting my own insecurities onto him it is true that I hate him being an only and have other issues going on in my head about that.
Please help do I just let him be and let him spend every day on his own.

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Hi ghostfreak. I think it's relevant to ask the following questions -

has your DS always been this way or is it a fairly new and recent behaviour?

is he in Y7? Did many of his peers from primary school go to the same high school as him?

how is he coping at school? If he is in Y7, was he happy in Y6? What did his teachers say at parents' evening?

Hope you don't think I'm prying.

If he's 10, then he'll definitely be yr 6.
Is he actually unhappy?
Does he complain of being lonely, having no-one to play with?
Does he entertain himself?
What does he do with his time?

Thanks Ingles2 - of course, I had it in my head that he was 12 - sorry OP!

OP I'd be wary of attributing the cause to being an 'only'. DSS2 is exactly the same, always has been, and is one of 5

I think I agree with your sister and you need to let him be.

My DP is an only and he appears to be very sociable but he really likes his own space sometimes and just needs to be left alone. He said when he was a child he spent a lot of time in his bedroom through choice. He had his own (solitary) hobbies such as making model planes and he had no interest in playing out with the local children. He said they used to call round but he always said 'no' until they stopped.

Although not an only I am very much the same. i love my own space and quite often prefer to be on my own.

As your sister says you can project your own thoughts and feelings onto someone else. if he doesn't enjoy clubs or having to ahng out with other people it must be quite stressful for him. I rember my mother getting cross with me when I said I didn't want to play out when someone came form me aaand saying,@If you keep saying 'No' they won't ask again and actually thinking that would be a good thing.

However in RL people would think I was a very sociable 'people' person.

Can't project not can!!

Ooops too many typos to correct! Hope it makes sense!

He is in year 5.
Don,t htink he is unhappy and he doesn,t complain about not having anyone to play with.
He will enteratin himself to a point such as on the wii his ds computer etc.
However at times he has compllained of being bored and has been hanging around me.
I had arranged a friend to come today but he made me cancel.
He said he wanted to relax as he had been at school all week but then later on today he was complaining of being bored.

Oh he can be extremely moody.

bodleianbabe - I can associate with what you've said as well. I absolutely need my own space a lot of the time whereas a lot of people just hate spending time on their own. And I'm one of 4.

I've got a yr 5 like this...well not totally like this as he's got a brother to moan to/at but he is very much a loner. I've worried and worried about this, especially as he has some mild SN's, but I've finally come to the conclusion, that this is him.. nothing like me...
he likes to be alone, he likes to play imaginary games with himself, he doesn't really want anyone else joining in and spoiling it,
the school say the same, he's quite popular, but prefers to be alone. And he is not unhappy.
If this is your son, then please relax,... your sis is right. If your ds seems to be unhappy or things have changed recently then you should talk to the school.

Being a loner doesn't make him lonely.