Playground politics!

[C00L]

I am a newbie to MN - DC gave the nickname and this is my second thread!

This issue might have been brought up before but it is really bugging me. In my DC's class there are various cliques, some born out of division between themselves. I find it so irritating when one minute they see you and next they freeze you out - they are always nice to a mankind though! Their profile is white middle class and some working mums among them - me, class wise similar & working. My DC is friends with their kids and it makes it harder to cut relations. All I want to do is to say hello when I pick up my DC and exchange a few civilized words with parents. Why is this so difficult? Is there an unwritten code I haven't cracked?

Silly question, but do you look extra smart when you pick up your DC? e.g. business suit, high heels? I think that can put off non-working Mums sometimes, but it shouldn't.

Do you mean they are nicer to men?

I am not really a business suit, high heel person. Sometimes smartish but I wear jeans a lot.

Yes, fathers/male partners don't seem to be getting this inconsistent treatment.

btw they do it to some other mums too, working & non working. Also, some mums who complain about cliques start behaving in the same way when they form their own little cliques.

So, just say a friendly hello. Even during the periods you feel you are being frozen out. They will probably feel foolish after a while if you continue to greet them in a friendly manner.

It is hard, particularly when they aren't alone or as soon as some ringleaders arrive. They know how to break your spirit. Say hello and ask a question/inquire after them as a way of initiating conversation and they start talking between themselves and turn their back on you!

I tried being friendly and ignoring it all but didn't work. Recently, resorted doing the same to them just to make them aware of how it feels - to my surprise this worked better!

However, this isn't me and I can't keep it up - it is a burden on me and wasting a lot of energy. Going to pick up DC is like getting ready for a battle!

Oh I know what you mean!! Playgrounds are a nightmare. I have 4 children (eldest 15) and over the years this has happended to me off and on. I always think anyone who does not think there are cliques in the playground is because they are in one.

There appears to be different groups, divisions. I have found some classes over the years have been more friendly than others and I definatley felt I fitted in more when I was at home all the time.

I would look out for someone else who stands on their own and just stand near and strike up a conversation. Lots of people find it hard in the playground!

Thanks slipperandpjsmum, I am sure we aren't alone.

I wish I had a bit more insight as to why they do it. Sometimes I feel like walking up to them and asking them directly rather than pretending that it isn't happening.

I might be naive but I thought perhaps I could open up a discussion here and hear from other mums on both side of the spectrum.

I know exactly what you mean. The ones in the various 'cliques' will only really speak to me if they are alone and once another arrives even if we are in mid-conversation I may as well be invisible!

Most of the mums at our school do not work and their whole lives seem to revolve around other parents from school - really! Outsiders such as myself do not stand a chance and quite honestly I can't be bothered with it all...

Sadly this affects DD as well as she misses out on a lot of party and play date invites as at this age they seem to be orchestrated by the mums and not the kids so I feel quite sorry for her.

I wish they weren't like this as I try to be friendly but to no avail. I am glad to know that I am not alone!