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More Children?

15 replies

wantingonemore · 11/02/2011 21:49

Ok this is looong. I am a regular but have name changed as some rl friends use the site.Blush

Dh and I been together for 12 years this year, married for 3.
Ds1 3yrs,
Ds2 18 months.

I am really starting to want another child, Dh is concerned about the more pratical side of things.

We live in a 3 bed house so ds1 and 2 would have to share, storage and toy space etc would be tight.
We are comfortable money wise but by no means 'well off', have cc, overdraft etc but manage well and have a good lifestyle.

I don't want a big gap between the children. I don't want to get out of the nappy/baby type phase and then decide I don't want to do it all again.

Is it crazy to think about another child or are we over thinking things?

How did you decide about more children?

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baskingseals · 11/02/2011 21:54

ooh don't talk to me i have 3 and still want another one, but feel I'm too old
so in my totally unbiaed view i say definitely yes

pigleychez · 11/02/2011 22:01

I have DD1- 2.5yrs and DD2- 8mths

I too have started thinking of DC3. DH and I have chatted about this and havent ruled it out completely. I think im more keen than DH.
He points out the practicalities more which I can see his point in.

Sharing rooms, need a bigger car, even more juggling all the activities/classes/groups, Storage etc Not to mention more stress on my already knackered body with another pregnancy. (although I enjoying being pregnant!)

We have no family nearby either so no help with 3 will be harder work. DD2 is still young so guess we have time to decide yet.

Original poster
wantingonemore · 11/02/2011 22:03

Thats what I wanted to hear I think!!!

I know my family would think we are totally barking and we would get all sorts of jugement.

It probably isn't pratical BUT I cant help how I feel about things. Confused

Would it be selfish of us to have another and spread ourselves thinner over 3 children?

My heads going to explode!

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wantingonemore · 11/02/2011 22:08

Pigley - you could be me!!

In an ideal world we would have a bigger house, car and more money in the bank to have a couple more children! All doubtful in the next few years though. I think if we waited that long we wouldn't bother Sad

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ilikeyoursleeves · 11/02/2011 22:18

I think you are me! Dh & I together 11 years, married for 6 years, ds1 3 years & ds2 18 months!

I too am in a dilemma about another baby. I adored being pregnant & totally love the baby stage & beyond so would love to go through it one more time. However, we already have 2 childcare costs & another chid in nursery would skin us financially. Plus I am not long in a new job & know my boss wouldn't be too happy if I got pg. plus cars, holidays etc would be a nightmare....?

We have the added complication of ds1 being from ivf & from his cycle we got frozen embryos, but they will only be frozen until feb 2012. Ds2 was our little natural miracle so there is a possibility we could get pg naturally but we would need to start ttc soon to see if it works, otherwise we would need ivf again if that makes sense. So I'm feeling the pressure!

babybear5 · 11/02/2011 22:26

I have 5 children. We in a four bed house and all doubled up on rooms. tbh nobody seems to mind. We went for a while with car and bike for hubby but now have 7 seater. I am not well off and only hubby works lots of hours at mo.
My dc's are 15, 10, 4, 2 and 1. I never really questioned how many i would have..just knew i wasn't finished after each one..Think i am now tho Grin
I am 41 now but i would say to anyone..there is always away around everything if you want it badly..and i did.
Life is busy, some days are tough but so worth it Grin

Original poster
wantingonemore · 11/02/2011 22:32

I can see the pressure sleeves Smileit must be on your mind all the time. It is mine and I don't have any time pressures really.

We are lucky with childcare as my pils do all our childcare and only live 10min away and re on the way to my work Grin
Ds 1 does pre school for his funded hours.

Its the holidays, bedrooms ,cars that are bothering dh I think. (although it has been mentioned we could possibly have a loft conversion when ds1 is older.)

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Original poster
wantingonemore · 11/02/2011 22:35

Thanks babybear.

Is it a MASSIVE shock to the system going from 2 to 3 children? Grin

Both mine are fantastic sleepers so I think that would help?

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minimuffin · 11/02/2011 22:55

I am 28 weeks pregnant with DC3 (who is in fact also DS3!). Took us about a year to decide to go for it. DS1 has just turned 5, DS2 is 2.5. Instinctively we both wanted 3. Practically, there is no sensible reason to do it and that's what took us a year to work past. DH works long hours - I am lucky enough to be SAHM but have no family nearby, no DH around in week and no help. Have 4 bed house but really need spare room as grandparents live a long way away and visit often.

I still have no idea how it's all going to work, just know it will work somehow.

I liked being pregnant with DS1 but couldn't quite get my head round the fact I was pregnant until he was here. DS2 I totally LOVED being pregnant, felt a million dollars, on the night I had him said I wanted to do it again (even the birth bit). Couldn't believe I'd never go through that. amazing experience again. Got off lightly in 1st trimester both times. This time... oh my god. Felt utterly, utterly appalling until about 18 weeks. Sick, deeply deeply tired, very, very low and therefore panicky that we'd made a huge mistake. Now feeling fine and loving being pregnant again, just hadn't bargained on having such a different pregnancy. (let's hope the birth doesn't follow suit)

What decided it for me was that I felt strongly that if we didn't try I would spend the rest of my life thinking "what if?" whereas if we had another child I would just manage or if we tried and it didn't happen I'd think - we tried, it wasn't meant to be, and be able to move on. We put a time limit on it for sanity's sake - I either wanted to have another baby or move on and start getting back into work so we gave ourselves a year to conceive or leave it. Didn't want to have a big age gap and time also not on our side (am 38 now). The to-ing and fro-ing was doing my head in. Right now I'm v glad we went for it... but ask me again in a year's time!

babybear5 · 11/02/2011 23:04

to be honest wanting going from 2 to 3 is a dawdle. U are so used to having the 2 that no 3 just fits right in with life. All mine are great sleepers and true to form so was 3, 4 and 5! I honestly think that the more the merrier..they occupy each other and i really don't get that stressed having them all around. I think if you think about things too much you would't do it.
It can be challenging, the logistics of working things out, dentists, shops etc but we always work around it.
Go for it Grin and congrats minimuffin i am so EnvyGrin

Original poster
wantingonemore · 12/02/2011 09:43

Im going to show dh your post bear Grin

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MaxiPad · 13/02/2011 15:02

Like minimuffin i've (dh easy either way!) struggled for far too long whether to have dc3 and finally we've decided to go for it & pray nature allows us, for me relief beyond belief as agree it was doing my head in! Lol

Deep down I know I will always regret not having another child, my eldest is 5 this year and since his arrival life has changed dramatically for the best! my priorities are in place, my old high flying career mad social life a distant memory & we are a fully fledged family of 4 so what's one more as at the end of the day it's more love!

I turn 40 this year and if I am lucky to get knocked up, when 50 comes a knocking I know my life will be complete! Agree baby/toddler stage is hard, but it's not forever!

Also agree with babybear5 my 2 totally occupy themselves, v sweet to watch!

slipperandpjsmum · 13/02/2011 18:35

Post this on Larger families and brace yourself for all the postive and supportiv responses!!

loler · 13/02/2011 18:48

I've got 3 dc (3, 5 & 7) - I found going from 2 to 3 really easy.......to begin with. Currently (and for about the last 6mnths) it's been a ruddy hard slog that I can't see an end to. When things are good they are really very very good but sometimes it's hard to remember that there are good times! However, DH works away lots and I family are all over 2 hours away.

That makes me sound very miserable, dc3 is an amazing character and I would never undo having him. It's just sometimes I see people with 2 dc and think 'that looks so easy'.

Also the craving another child thing - might not be fixed by dc3. I still feel Envy of people with newborns (then the rational part of me kicks in!). How people cope with more than 3 goodness only knows!

babybear5 · 13/02/2011 20:56

I agree loler having just one more doesn't make it go away. I to am Envy of people with newborns thinking i would love to do it just once more.

I also agree with you on the 'when it's hard it is very hard' and i do look at people with one or two and think..oh that looks so good.

I would never change my 5 beautiful dc's for the world but the good days do outway the bad and i think sometimes it just takes a deep breath and a wee reminder that it does get easier when they older Grin

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