Tell me about your 12 year old

[cheeryface]

My dh thinks i have been too strict and babied ds2 too much. He thinks that is why he seems younger and less streetwise and is having problems at school fitting in.
there is a possibility of aspergers going on aswell but ...

I havent allowed facebook

I send him to bed at 8pm on a school night

i only allow sweets on saturdays , at grandmas or occasions

i wont allow movies or games above a 12

i dont allow him to go wandering around town

he has to use the internet downstairs (after some dodgy sites he got on)

xbox is downstairs and limited to 1-2 hours a day.

whatever anyone else does is fine by me !
but ds2 does seem green as the grass copmpared to his peers.

DS is 12 and stays up till about 10.30, sometimes 11pm, has no problem getting up in time for school during the week but does sleep in at weekends.

He has a facebook account but no computer, tv or game consoles in his room - he uses the computer downstairs. He does his homework without too much nagging as he wants to do well at school.

He eats a lot of chocolate (and everything else) as he is growing really fast at the moment but he's not really into sweets.

He watches 12 and sometimes 15 rated films, but no 18s.

He does go into town by himself, on foot or by bus, to meet friends and go to the cinema etc (he started walking to school by himself when he was 8, and being free to hang out with friends occasionally when he was 10).

He deals with the freedom in a fairly mature and sensible way, at least so far...

I'm obviously towards the opposite end of the spectrum from you, but maybe you should start loosening the reins on your DS a little? Just gradually. Otherwise how is he going to be responsible for himself when he is in his mid to late teens and you can't treat him like a child any more?

my ds aged 12 is currently playing "cuddly animal fight" with his little sister!

He has no facebook, has no technology in bedroom, can watch any film dh has vetted on BFI website.

He is a mixture of being my baby boy and this strange squeaky-voiced grumpy monster.

its just so worrying around here , they all just hang around swearing and messing about and fighting !

i think another problem is he suffers from absence epilepsy.

I can see that if I lived in a dodgier area I might have second thoughts about letting DS go out so much by himself (though he has been told to avoid one route into town because of the drug addicts and prostitutes). There aren't many teenagers hanging around here (just lots of students) so if he meets up with friends it tends to be elsewhere. A bit of messing about and swearing doesn't sound too bad, though, as long as it doesn't turn nasty.

And I can also see that epilepsy would be a worry if your DS was out by himself. Is it drug-controlled, or fairly unpredictable?

Obviously some 12-year-olds are still happy to be little boys for a while, but DS is bigger and hairier than me now, and is yr8 so most of his friends are 13 already, if not older. He was also wanting more independence and I felt he was ready for it. But he has also been known to linger in the living room if his younger sister is watching Spongebob, not that he'd ever want to watch it himself, oh no...

If your DS is starting to push against the boundaries, maybe you can find a few ways to help him feel more grown-up and independent without putting him at risk? Does he have any sensible friends he could go to the cinema with or something?

DD is 12 (nearly 13) poss AS.

has facebook. uses ipod touch for fb and games etc.

goes to bed 9.30 ish on a school night. I'd like it to be 9 bt can't be dealing with the arguments and so far she's ok getting up.

no TV/computer in bedroom (but may crack and get her TV for her birthday).

don't limit Wii time (don't have x-box) as she doesn't use it much.

is allowed into town with friends but live in v v safe area. has caught bus into next bigger town.

i wd be a bit more lax on sweets and bed time - 9 ish is fine also i wd let him have facebook but tell him you will take that away if you are not happy with him on it.
i agree with town 13/14 is about the right age and i hate this 'hanging around' lark - they can go to shop or cinema but not just for no reason.
good luck - this is the age when there are big changes.

Cheeryface - If you are stict then DH and I are draconian! However DS has SEN so would not be capable of, say, going out alone yet.

my ds is 12 and hes child no3 .
no facebook,he doesnt have a mobile ,and never asked for one.
pc is in the study and is for all family,he only does homework and watches you tube on it.
he has a xbox in the dining room and plays live everyday after his chores.i dont mind about age stuff as long as ive checked it out personally.
no horror or scary stuff but he loves family guy ect.
has a tv in bedroom,he usually goes to bed 9ish and watches tv till 10 ish.(he shares room with ds 15)
does not go out unless going somewhere (over the footie field,mates house}he doesnt want to go to town,mates do but he always says no thanks.
sweets -we dont really do sweets ,he doesnt ask for them,if out shopping he asks for mags.

8pm bedtime sounds early for a 12 yr old. My DD, nearly 9, goes to bed around 8:45, light out 9:15/9:30ish. And gets up pretty much OK at 7:15am.

hes not actually 12 until next week. He is in yr 7 just started a new school this week after a disastrous start at another one in september ( have posted lots about it)

he has always gone to bed early as needs a lot of sleep else the absence attacks get more frequent. They are not medicated at the moment but have an appointment next week about that.

made the rule about the sweets from day one due to him barely eating anything that was remotely good for him and being determined he would have good teeth !!!!

i am having a re think and trying to find ways he can be more independant now.

I am finding it difficult to let go as hes not particularly sensible and weve had emotional problems due to bullying that got pretty bad (camhs referral ) and a suggestion of aspergers from the previous school etc .

I have a 12 year old DD who is in Y7. She does have FB and does watch 12 and sometimes 15 films. She has a laptop and we have wifi so she has got internet access throughout the house. She goes for her shower about 9pm and then reads in bed for a bit before going to sleep.

However I do insist on knowing her password for FB plus she must not block me from anything she writes. If I find anything unpleasant that would be the end of FB for her.

She can walk to the local supermarket 15 mins away or can walk by herself to the nearest shopping mall 25 mins away (we are not in the UK). She must have her phone and she must keep in touch. DD was very keen to do this and we relented as she is sensible. I still feel I am holding my breath until she gets home safely though.