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9/Nearly 10 year old boy and expectations

18 replies

Gonzo33 · 11/02/2011 05:09

I have been thinking about this a lot recently as I have a nearly 1 year old and think that my eldest dc should do "something" for himself.

I am thinking along the lines of:

  1. Putting his clothes away after we have washed, dried and ironed them.
  1. Making his bed in the mornings and after I have cleaned his bedding
  1. Cleaning his room once a week (hoover & polish - to be honest he literally has to shove the hoover round and flick a duster as he has 2 surfaces)
  1. Make sure I have his clothes and bedding for washing

Do you think this is too much? I do everything else for him except his homework, but I do want to teach him some responsibility.

Me xx

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
GotArt · 11/02/2011 05:25

No. Why isn't he already doing this?

BlooKangaWonders · 11/02/2011 05:54

Sounds reasonable. But start slowly and build up (and don't say it's because of your new baby).

So I'd start with your no.2. My dc have to put pyjamas away/ laundry basket and open their window every morning before school. Then add in making the bed. Once that's become second nature (with bribes/ docking pocket money if necessary) then start with another of your list.

Very good age to get these habits ingrained!

ragged · 11/02/2011 06:04

Make sure you actually show him how to do each and every bit of it, probably repeatedly? DH seems to think DC learn how to do these things by osmosis. (sigh)

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

roisin · 11/02/2011 07:28

No, my boys (11 and 13) have been doing the things you list for years.

As well as taking responsibility for their own stuff, they also have to do one chore a day.

As ragged says it takes a while to teach/train them in new tasks, but my boys can do almost all household chores now to a good standard (though ds1 tends to do them very slowly! LOL!)

activate · 11/02/2011 07:30
  1. absolutely - should be doing this by 6 IMO
  1. only if you think bed-making is worthwhile - what do you mean clean his bedding
  1. yes but I wouldn't do it weekly
  1. yes

plus clean communal areas, bring dishes from table to sink (as should anyone over 4 or 5), help set table and start to help cook

kreecherlivesupstairs · 11/02/2011 07:41

Definitely he should be able to do all of those things.
Our DD had a rude awkening (as did I) when we left Thailand. We'd always had a housework fairy who did virtually everything.
She suddenly found out that beds don't magically get made, nor did toys pick themselves up.
She's learned. In fact, she has a friend coming over tonight to stay, so this morning before school, she changed her bed. sheets and duvet cover.

Gonzo33 · 11/02/2011 09:54

My ds has been doing these things sporadically for a couple of years. When we lived in UK I had a cleaner because I worked long hours and it was just me and him. When I got married and moved abroad I got settled into doing the work myself. I suppose it is my own fault for allowing him to rely on me for doing these things.

He is very lazy as well, so I'll ask him to do something and I'll have to check on him a hundred times.

Maybe I just need more patience.

OP posts:
NormanTheForeman · 11/02/2011 09:58

Ds (aged 10) makes his bed every morning, and puts his clothes in the wash. Also has to tidy away his own things. He also often empties the dishwasher and puts everything away, sets the table, and helps with the cooking. And he is good at putting plates he has used in the dishwasher for example. In fact, his father could learn a thing or two from him!

valiumredhead · 11/02/2011 11:05

To give you an idea, ds 9 -

clothes in washing basket
lays the table
clears the table after eating
helps with polishing and sometimes hoovering
clears toys away at the end of the day
helps me tidy his room - doing it together works well for us.
Empties waste paper baskets into the recycling bin.
Does extra jobs like cleaning kitchen cupboards and the car for extra pocket money.

Davsmum · 11/02/2011 12:26

Crikey - He should have been doing all that a long time ago ! I think tidying their own stuff away should be taught at the toddler stage so it becomes automatic.

TheVisitor · 11/02/2011 12:28

My lot were doing that and more at that age.

valiumredhead · 11/02/2011 13:19

I think tidying their own stuff away should be taught at the toddler stage so it becomes automatic.

It was in this house Grin

Gonzo33 · 11/02/2011 14:02

At toddler stage he was tidying away his toys etc. He does clear away his toys and his school work etc now. There are just a few things that I think he should be doing that he just cannot be bothered with. He feels hard done by because "my friends don't have to do this" but my Mum made me do the washing up at least three days a week, and clean and hoover my room when I was his age. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being too harsh! Clearly I need to be a bit tougher on him.

OP posts:
Davsmum · 11/02/2011 15:44

Don't take that 'can't be bothered' excuse. I can't be bothered to go to work - but I bloody have to !!
Also - it doesn't matter what his friends have to do or not do,.. He doesn't live with their parents - he lives with you !
Sounds like you have not been harsh enough !

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 11/02/2011 16:20

I don't really make my own bed (I rearrange the pillows and fold the duvet back to air the bed - that's it). Don't make DS's either, really. So no, I don't make ds make his.

Ds has to put his clothes in the laundry bin (although I do that sometimes if he's getting in the bath - just as I'd put DP's in if he was getting into the bath).

DP does the family laundry and puts all our clothes away after they've been washed and ironed (not that we iron much anyway - dp does his shirts as and when so they're super sharp before he wears them, most other stuff doesn't need it). So no, ds doesn't put his own clothes away but then neither do I.

We have just (I mean, like this week - see thread here) started getting ds to cook at least one dinner a week.

Ds is responsible for keeping the dining table and its environs clean and tidy and for sorting and taking out all the recycling (I stick it on the side as I drink cook, ds puts it in the relevant bin/bag, which live outside, each day).

He tidies his own stuff away from "public" areas and sometimes tidies his room - his room is pretty untidy but it's his space. As long as it's clean that's fine. Whomever of the three of us (usually me) is vaccuming or dusting upstairs does all the upstairs rooms.

It's a bit of a team effort really - I think we have areas of responsibility rather than looking after ourselves, if that makes sense.

Fennel · 11/02/2011 18:43

I started teaching tidying things away at toddler stage. Still teaching it.... how many decades do you think it will take before it becomes automatic?

but yes, in response to the OP, my 10 and 9yos are expected to do all that and more, so is 6yo.

It works best when we all 5 tidy up together, say on a weekend morning before going out.

GotArt · 11/02/2011 22:18

Maybe just explain to him he needs to start doing this as he is a part of a family and everyone has their fair work that must be done. Go through step by step on what it is that is now needed from him, not expected. After tha, stop doing them for him. It might get smelly, it might get messy, he might get bitchy, but stand your ground. At 10, that was when I started having to do my own laundry, bedding and all. If I wanted clean clothes for school, I better get them washed. He's at that age too were body order won't go unnoticed from friends, so peer pressure may get him going.

GotArt · 11/02/2011 22:20

order=odor

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