3 month old won't let DH hold her

[km276]

Hi, I'm a first time mum and I really don't know what to do so any advice would be absolutely fantastic. Over the last couple of weeks my 3 month old cries/ screams whenever my DH holds her or picks up, this happens even if she is asleep. Before this they were absolutely fine and he would entertain her while I got on with other things. She lets him interact with her and
'talks' and smiles at him when she is on me or led on the sofa, etc, but the minute he picks her up or is handed her she has a complete meltdown.

He is obviously very distressed about this and is under the impression that she hates him or is scared of him, I'm hoping it's just a phase but in the meantime it's wearing us both down and causing quite a bit of tension.
Any advice would be great for how to get us all back on track

thanks

It is just a phase. But it must be heart breaking for him and very tiring for you.

When my DCs were 2 - 3 months old DH did the early evening shift and one of them cried virtually the whole time, which was very wearing. Fortunately she liked him holding her at other times of the day so he didn't feel rejected. But he did not enjoy the early months so much :) It lasted about 6 weeks, but then it settled down.

Is she OK with other people? It may just be that she is very strongly attached to you at the moment. There's not much you can do about that except keep trying her with other people.

If you are bottle feeding, can you have him do a little more of that and any other roles where she is getting something she really likes (can he put her in her swing or bouncy chair?) so she begins to associate him with other things she likes? Might work a little.

That was supposed to be a :( not a smile.

It is just a phase.

He should hold her more, not less.

Perhaps wear something of yours so she smells you? or put a few drops of your milk onto him or something?

She doesn't hate him and this is no reason for you two to turn on each other. Honestly.

Just make sure he holds her loads. plays, talks, cuddles, feeds... It will be fine.

km - just a thought, has DH changed his appearance or smell at all? Babies apparently recognise hair shape and major facial features like glasses, also they get used to body smells. So if he's changed soap or deodorant, or got new glasses it's possible she just doesn't recognise him any more.

thank you so much for your replies, believe it or not she has been fine with him today, although I am still quite tense when he is holding her waiting for her meltdown. Not sure if it is coincidence but DH had his haircut this morning as it had got a lot longer than usual AND she slept through the night for the first time last night. Whatever the case he's a different man today :) fingers crossed it was really just a funny five minutes on her part

At about 2/3 months they often start to show a preference for one special person, so this is not at all unusual. If she does it again, I would reassure your DH that it's a normal stage of healthy development that will pass over time.

It's definitely good for your DH to keep practising holding her in a way that she likes - almost all of us need to learn this, it doesn't always come naturally. And if he has to hand her back to you, well that's fine too - it's not admitting defeat, but being responsive to her needs.

you need to "stop feeling so tense" too

she is picking up on your anxiety about it

just try to relax !

I'm going through similar with dd2 who is also 3 months. She's fine with dh when she's not tired but as soon as she gets upset she screams until I take her.

I'm bf'ing so I know its because she the smell of the milk calms her but it so tiring for me when I need a break and he can't take her, it does make me irrationally ratty at him asI know it's not his fault.

It is just a phase though and she will grow out of it.

Hope things are starting to get a bit easier for you

Hi There we had the same problem with my boy, he is now 8 months and reaches out for his dad now, it will get better :)

The best tip I have is "fathering starts from the bottom up". Get him to do nappy changes, he spends short bouts regularly caring for her and chatting to her. Dh really got to love this time with ds, and from the shrieks of laughter so does ds.