Tired / not coping / pnd?

[mummyshreddingnora]

Hey all

the subject says it all really - I am not sure if I am just tired, or not coping or maybe have a mild PND ? Will try and explain myself as best I can

I have 2 DC - DD (nearly 4) and DS 13 months

I have found becomming a parent the second time HARD. I spent the first month or so in a state of shock! DS struggled to put weight on initially, we were advised to wean early due to reflux / weight issues - he started to thrive then. Since he was around 6 months I started to really enjoy having the two again, still found it hard at times but enjoyed it more too

Cut to around christmas - I went back to work in september - 3 days a week plus some evenings from home. Obviously this is hard work with the 2 dc, try my best with them to make sure we do fun stuff on my days off etc

DD I find really hard work - I have noticed at times I resent her / her behaviour - which, whilst challenging is I don't think particularly bad for her age... she's just a very clever, sensitive little thing - she needs a lot of stimulation

It feels like a lot of the time I am just teetering on the edge of coping, one bad night with either of them and I am awful the next day - I have smacked DD in recent months, I am someone who doesn't agree with smacking so got really upset with myself for that

I have shouted at her for no real reason

I have been in floods of tears because I just don't know what to do - or because I have done one of the others

I have also noticed that on these days I really struggle to get motivated to do anything... I'll take the DC where they need to be - preschool / groups etc, but when I get home I just want (or need?) to zone out - I have always been a bookworm but I have noticed I read more on these days, even when the dc are up - and thats not fair on them!

On these days I struggle to get myself to do any of the household jobs other than absolutely essential stuff - ie I haven't washed up today

what do you think?

I know now probably isn't the best time for me to be thinking about this - DS was really poorly for a week (ending this weekend) with a chest infection and conjunctivits, so I was shattered.. had a couple of bad days last week with that, then last night the kids did one of those tag team nights - dd wet the bed, then DS was up and down for a while - yawn....

This evening whilst trying to make dd's bed I was in tears again

I hope you are feeling better now. Are you sleeping ok? Are you making time (I know, I know) for yourself? It is important that you take care of you - if you are not well than how can you take care of the others?

Does DD have any jobs to do? My DD1(5) has to tidy her room, lay and clear the dinner table, get herself dressed/into her PJ's etc which gives me a little lee way for dealing with DD2(9months).

You don't mention their father - is he around? Can he take them for few set hours per week to allow you to have a break?

yeah am feeling better- had a chat to friend (and blub) and a chat to DH (and blub!)

am sleeping ok - in between one or the other of the kids waking me up last week when DS was ill I had about 3/4 nights of no more than a couple of hours sleep, and last night it felt like up and down all night....

SO not making time for me at the mo, and I know thats not helping! I have taken up running (jogging / crawling) and am hoping that will help - a little excercise and a short stint in the fresh air fairly regularly is good for you right?

DD doesn't have official jobs, but we do make her get herself dressed etc - we put the clothes on her bed, then get on with sorting DS... she messes about but we just tell her if she's not dressed when its time to go then she'll be going however she is.... she is pretty good at getting ready for bed of an evening, does her teeth herself (which I check obv) and gets changed, she's good at putting cutlery out too - its getting there... once she starts school in sept I think I will do her a little list of jobs!

yeah DH is here and great, but we both work and don't send DS to a nursery / childminder or anything so both pretty hectic... he gets more time for him though (what man doesn't) He was really good this evening :)

Have decided its just exhaustion from the last couple of weeks and hormones too- hoping things get better soon!

It is lack of sleep - does crazy things to you - they use it to break people you know! You just need to learn to recognise the symptoms and if you are tired get some extra kip in - even if it means kipping down while ds is having a nap on your days off. Even 30 mins will help - give dd a cuddle and watch some tv while having a rest. You will feel so much better afterwards and ready to go out and do the fun stuff you want to do on your days off.

I have two children about the same age as yours - nearly 1 and 5 - and me and DH are exhausted most of the time. We both work FT and have various CM's to look after the DC. Both me and DH feel like crying 50% of the time We relieve the pressure by having 2 hour stints to ourselves a couple of times a week. I go to the gym and DH has a guitar lesson and goes for a long walk with his Ipod.

It is bloody hard. You never have time to yourself and rarely feel you are doing your best. Also FWIW, I used to work 4 days a week and on my days off, I could not motivate myself to do anything with DS. I eventually made myself go to playgroup with him, otherwise I just vegetated at home and felt guilty and exhausted!

hi just wanted to say im similar to you i have dd5 and ds2 and am 13 weeks ph with no 3!
my dd is really hard work and pushes my paitence to the absoloute limit and over somedays, like this morning i have smacked her bottom as she just wont get dressed she constantly runs off and twists and bends so i cant get her, she was late for school yesterday as she does this messing around and we were almost late today, i am so stressed out and feel like im really failing to cope with her behaviour, i have spent the morning feeling awful and crying my eyes out with guilt for smacking her and i really dont want to be this kind of shouty angry mum!
your not on your own x

thanks all, it is really draining isn't it!

Nice to know I am not alone :)

Neverlookback - I have had days like that, I really feel for you. In the end I thought about it all - and I KNEW I didn't agree with smacking, and the smacking hadn't even achieved anything so I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't do it again (this is after it being repeated a few times) then a few days later, once I was sure I could keep the promise I explained to DD that I was sorry for smacking her sometimes, and that I didn't want to do it - and if she promised to try and listen to me, then I would promise to not smack her - luckily on that one we haven't looked back yet (well I haven't!)