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Parenting

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Original poster

Why don't people have more confidence in their parenting?

25 replies

hunkerpumpkin · 13/10/2005 21:31

SO many times I've heard mums say that they have followed Gina Ford or Tracey Hogg or some other random baby "expert" - then said that they used them as a guide.

So what they did was read a bit, then adjust the info to suit their family.

Yet they proudly proclaim they have "Gina babies" or ascribe it to some other person who's never met them or their baby. I think it's odd to hand over the credit so willingly. Don't you?!

OP posts:

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WigWamBam · 13/10/2005 21:32

Definitely agree with that, hunker.

Original poster

hunkerpumpkin · 13/10/2005 21:33

Yes, but you're eminently sensible, WWB

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HerRoyalLovlinessMaloryTowers · 13/10/2005 21:34

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weesaidie · 13/10/2005 21:35

I am happy to take all the credit for my irresponsible, far too casual parenting style!

WigWamBam · 13/10/2005 22:19

Oooooh, hunker, "eminently sensible"

startingtobehalloweenylover · 13/10/2005 22:31

i agree with this wholeheartedly! it also wories me sometimes the things people post on here... almost asking for permission to do things with their kids.
"my child is vomiting blood... sjhould i take her to the doctor?"
you know the kind of thing?

although, i've probably been guilty of that too.... but I just sometimes wanna say to them "it's your kid, you make the call... trust your judgement"

unicorn · 13/10/2005 22:55

on a serious note.. people don't have confidence in their parenting for many many reasons -particularly in relation to the first child...

They themselves may not have been parented well, and have no role models for good parenting practice.
They may have absolutely no support.
They may be very young.
They may be alone, depressed.. god knows...

The thing is Mumsnet is an online forum, and many many people will read and ask for help who may not seek it in RL...

So.. perhaps you (in the general sense) are relatively ok and sorted in your parenting capabilities - but many more are not - so let them ask whatever questions they need to - even if they do see obvious to you.

Original poster

hunkerpumpkin · 13/10/2005 22:57

Unicorn, absolutely - I wasn't meaning that - everyone has things they don't know, and everyone makes mistakes (I make them All The Time) - it was more those people who are totally confident in the way they've raised their child, but hand over all the credit for them sleeping, eating, etc to someone they've never met, simply because they took a couple of their ideas out of a book.

And WWB - yes, but remember it was me who said it, so that may take the sheen off it somewhat

OP posts:

startingtobehalloweenylover · 13/10/2005 22:58

oh i'm not saying they shouldn't ask.... but it just makes me wonder sometimes

FrightfullyPoshFloss · 13/10/2005 23:01

I read TH's baby whisperer. And I took bits from it that suited (mainly about how to get DS asleep in his own cot), read it the once and gave it away! So DS is a baby whisperer baby.

No I wouldn't call him that really. He is my baby. I sought some help in an area I was having a few issues with and left all the stuff I didn't like. And now, I am seriously considering something along the lines of a toddler taming book to try and keep DS contained in some way! Am shocked that my baby more and more seems to be the naughty one

handlemecarefully · 13/10/2005 23:02

I was 100% confident in my parenting until I started loosing faith due to mumsnet proselytizing!

Original poster

hunkerpumpkin · 13/10/2005 23:03

That's true, HMC...bloody MN!

OP posts:

handlemecarefully · 13/10/2005 23:08

..and yet we keep coming back for more!

Tortington · 14/10/2005 00:08

because i come on mumsnet and realise my kids arnt dressed in boden, and i never read a guru book, and i didn't breat feed and the world will end, and i shouldnt go to work, or i should go to work if i am a sponger ( in other words can be sahm if have rich dh) am not environmentally friendly enough and there will be no planet left for my kids and its my fault, the education system is falling apart becuase of unruly kids and its my fault, if i take them to church i am a nutter and brainwasher - if i dont they are damned for eternity. i shouldnt lie to get them into a good school, but its my fault when they become spongers.

fuck me. anyone got a coupe of bottles of paracetemol handy?

FrightfullyPoshFloss · 14/10/2005 00:10

Nah, don't bother with the paracetamol Custy. It's not the best way to go.

Caligula · 14/10/2005 00:16

I think it's because there's so much discussion around parenting: how to do it, what are the problems, what's the aim, what's the justification, etc. etc.

Up until the advent of Malthusianism, no generation of human beings ever had to justify becoming parents. And until recently, most parents have lived in a society where the "rules" for raising kids were pretty much standard and understood and taken for granted by everyone - our parents didn't ask themselves if what they were doing was right, they just took it for granted that they were the parents, they had authority, and that was the end of that. We have far more choices about the role and relationship we have with our children, and with choice comes uncertainty.

Caligula · 14/10/2005 00:18

Ooh, don't. I nearly killed myself with mouse poison tonight - quite by accident. Had to ring up NHS Direct to check that I didn't need to go to A&E, reassure them that I hadn't done it on purpose, and am now sitting here drinking loads of water and tingling all over. I bet you don't tingle with paracetemol!

twinsetandpearls · 14/10/2005 00:22

How can you take mouse poison by accident?

Tortington · 14/10/2005 00:23

maybe it was meant for someone else - and she drank the wrong cup?

twinsetandpearls · 14/10/2005 00:24

But surely a mouse would have a teeny weeny cup that you wouldn't mix up! Unless... she was tring to poison the kids.

Caligula · 14/10/2005 00:25

I didn't actually take it - I moved the tray it was on, moved the furniture back, and forgot that I hadn't washed my hands. Don't know why, but moved my hand up to my mouth and just felt an instant reaction - felt like my mouth was swelling up, tongue all swollen, de-hydrated, it was really scary. So then of course I panicked and couldn't tell which reaction was panic and which was poison. Anyway, because I didn't swallow any of it (I think - washed my mouth out and tried not to swallow!) I didn't have to go to A&E - but I just have to sit here now and drink loads of water. And I was planning to go to bed early.

I'm sure this is connected with confident parenting somehow!

Caligula · 14/10/2005 00:26

Ah you can't use this poison to do anyone in - it's got some substance in it which is so bitter that any potential victim would notice.

twinsetandpearls · 14/10/2005 00:28

schucks ... what a crap poison. back to crusing the aspirin then.

i do keep saying to dp that all our financial problems would be over if one of us could die!

Chandra · 14/10/2005 00:37

Funny that you mention about Gina Ford, the only times I'm afraid of opening my mouth in Mumsnet is about Gina Ford's book. It suited us but it seems that if you accept it or recommend it you are endorsing the antichrist!

I have also followed many suggestions, from friends, family, and medical staff, would that make me an insecure mother? I don't think so, with no previous experience as a mother I needed some advice and I got it from people or books

BTW what I have never understood is why some people is so defensive about things their children have not yet done. I met a person -no longer my friend- that I could not talk to about DS. She had a lovely little girl who was more advanced than my son in many many ways but dear, I should never told her the things in which DS was different to her DD, if DS was doing something slightly better than her DD, she went into a fit. I have been told that I'm a cruel mother because DS slept in a cot, that I have not bonded properly with my son because at 5m he didn't have separation anxiety, that I should not feed him so much food because he was becoming a giant (WTF? We are also a good foot taller than them), do you understand that? I don't..

(Chandra pats compasionately her own back and receeds into the background)

Chandra · 14/10/2005 00:38

Obviously there are far more posts in this thread than when I started typing my m]message

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