I want to start a UP/TCS/gentle discipline/related topics blog - terminology help! :)

[BertieBotts]

Having found a lot of support and information from the various threads on UP, TCS, "gentle" discipline, non-punishment/non-coercive methods etc on here, I've decided I want to start a blog to collate information and thoughts on it.

I just wanted to pick your brains a bit on terminology. I know that the idea of "labels" is a contentious topic and detested by many, but I do feel that in the fast-moving environment of the internet etc, that these kind of labels can be helpful so that we all know what a poster is referring to, and this subject is a particular one that is difficult to explain and often misunderstood at first impression.

So - I don't want to use any label based on any book, because I haven't found any one book which entirely encompasses the theory by itself - it lends itself to taking bits from various books. Also I wouldn't want to imply any official affiliations.

I don't like the label "Gentle Discipline" because I think it sounds wishy-washy and puts people off before they have bothered to read what it's about. I sort of like "Non-coercive discipline" or "Respectful discipline" but I'm not sure about them. Can't really put my finger on why. Non-coercive does seem a mouthful.

My favourite so far is "Holistic discipline" because I think it encompasses the whole ethos of it - it's about treating the whole of the issue, not just the immediate one which has come up. The two words together sound less like a quick-fix method and more like an ethos. The only thing I'm not sure about is the word "holistic" itself - is it too close to "holy"? Does it sound a bit "woo"?

The more I think about it the more I want to go with the last one, but I just wondered what others thought before I go ahead? :)

Good idea, Bertie!

I like Holistic Discipline, but it would still get seen as a bit "hippy-dippy" I suspect. Having said that, accusations of such may be hard to avoid anyway, given the subject matter.

If I have any positive suggestions, I'll let you know!

Good luck with the blog, I'll be interested to read it once you've got it going.

Incidentally, I'm hoping to get round to writing a Playful Parenting crib sheet, which I may publish on my own blog.

Would you be interested in a copy or linking to same, assuming I get it sorted?

While I find your topic interesting, the label "Holistic Discipline" would put me off, I am afraid. It does sound a bit woo.

What is UP, TCS?

UP = Unconditional Parenting (see books by Alfie Kohn)
"While Unconditional Parenting (2005) is Kohn?s first book that deals primarily with the topic of raising children, he devoted two chapters to this question in Punished by Rewards (1993). He discusses the need for parents to keep in mind their long-term goals for their children, such as helping them grow into responsible and caring people, rather than on short-term goals, such as obedience. The key question, he argues, is ?What do kids need ? and how do we meet those needs??
Kohn argues that praise tends to undermine children?s commitment to whatever they were praised for doing (i.e. children are taught to do things in order to get praise rather than do the things because it is right to do so, or because it is enjoyable to do so). Later, he expanded this critique to suggest that positive reinforcement, like certain forms of punitive ?consequences,? amount to forms of conditional parenting, in which love is made contingent on pleasing or obeying the parent."
(Wikipedia)

Taking Children Seriously / TCS is a parenting movement and educational philosophy whose central idea is that it is possible and desirable to raise and educate children without either doing anything to them against their will, or making them do anything against their will.
(Wikipedia)

HTH

how about respectful parenting?

I think holistic in one sense is a good term for it. Even though it has the second sense of "esoteric", I think it probably wouldn't be a problem. I wonder if holistic parenting would be better than holistic discipline - although on the other hand it would be great if people searching the internet for "discipline" came across your ideas! :o)

I wondered about something like "allies in growing up" but then a) no one would find it using an internet search and b) it does actually sound a bit silly! Just a quick brainstorm!

All the very best.

ImmaculadaConcepcion could you give me a link to your blog??

Of course, Simic here it is

Although, it's not a focused blog like Bertie is planning.

It's partly random musings on parenting and partly a family diary. Further back, it's a travelogue.

But feel free to have a gander - it doesn't take itself too seriously and quite a few people tell me they enjoy reading, so....

I know the subject is already associated with "woo" type of things, which was why I was sort of wanting to move away from that in the title, because I don't think it is a particularly "woo" thing - it just makes sense, when you think about it. And even if people read about it and think OK, but still feel there is a place for using naughty step/magic 123/other methods/tools etc, there are still things you can take from it.

I prefer "Discipline" to "Parenting" because again I wanted to attract not just people who already know a little about the subject, but anyone looking for advice or something new to try. But it seems Holistic gains a mixed response. Is "respectful" discipline better?

IC yes please, I'll put a link up when you've finished it :)

I'd better make a start, then

How about calling it "Dangerous Discipline" as in, the flip side of UP, TCS etc. - overdramatic yes, controversial absolutely - but it would probably attract a lot of interest...!

Or shall I get my coat??

A thought, anyway....

Thanks, I have heard of Unconditional Parenting but not read up on it.

Could you do some kind of alliteration -

Respectful Raising

Raising Respectfully

Rearing Respectfully

Not as strong as Respectful Discipline though.

IC
I have seen your blog before, but a long time ago. Am following you now.

No ideas to put forward on the title but if you put the right tags on it, wouldn't people come across it regardless of the title of the blog?

(I'm not sure if my knowledge is out of date. Last time I posted anything online other than MN was last century!!)

That is true, OSOTC. I get hits to my blog through the tags, not the title.

I like those ideas, Madame Lindt. I think I will go with some form of respectful something.

Have just realised I can set up a Blogger account with my existing google username so I can get started on it :) I won't link until I've put up a post or two though. Probably going to go to bed in a minute.

I'm going to go with "Respectfully Raising" for the title, but refer to the subject matter as "Respectful discipline" I think rather than using a hash of an explanation like "An approach based on the books which has XYZ important principles." And do an explanation post thingy on the About page.

Nice. I look forward to seeing it take shape!

Ooh, MmeLindt, any chance of a link to your blog? Very touched you've become a follower of mine and DH's random musings....

blog here

It is very random. Just whatever I feel like blathering about.

That sounds good, Bertie. I will look forward to your blog.

Will you be doing all ages - my DC are 6yo and 8yo and I would welcome ideas for them. I find that a lot of the advice centres around the toddler/pre-school age.

Thanks MmeLindt. Good-looking blog, I've enjoyed the posts I've read so far too.

Yes MmeLindt - I definitely want to cover all ages, though my DS is only 2.4 so I will probably rely heavily on mumsnet/various books/ask for input etc, until he is a bit older anyway.

But a lot of the principles ie how to think through a response for something rather than the more specific advice ie what to do in X situation is applicable to all ages. I'll try and mix things up so it isn't all one type of post for ages.

That conversation with your mum that you mentioned over on the UP thread would make a lovely early blog in itself, Bertie...

I agree, I think having the word respectful is really important.:)