Am I setting my son up to be an outsider?

[nellyjane]

DS is 13months. I'm just getting back to work part time, and have an arrangement with my SIL who has a DD of a similar age - she looks after DS half the week and I look after her DD the other half. We've just started this so still settling into a new routine.

SIL is German, BIL, DH and myself are all British. SIL talks to her DD in German when they are alone, and takes her to a German playgroup, but talks to her in English the rest of the time.

I don't want SIL to feel she needs to talk English whenever she is looking after DS so the plan is for her to talk German when she has them both. The playgroup is on a day when she has DS, so she has started taking him to that. I have a couple of other friends who are also German (but always speak English around me) who go to the same playgroup. I thought it would be nice for him to have the consistency of seeing some of the same people he sees when he's with me, and help him settle into being cared for by someone other than me.

So far I've considered this to be a great opportunity for DS. Not expecting him to become bilingual as it's only for a couple of days a week, but I thought he would probably pick up a fair bit? Particularly if he is regularly playing with other children who are speaking German?

Now I'm having a wobble. What if he feels completely overwhelmed and frightened not being able to understand anyone at the playgroup? He's not speaking yet, but understands things like 'bye bye', 'give me the...', 'where is the...?' What if he doesn't pick up any German and spends two days a week feeling lost and confused?

Am I being unrealistic expecting him to pick up some German? Is there anything we could be doing to help him?

Don't worry. Your DS is going to have a fantastic opportunity to pick up a second language naturally and it won't make him an outsider.
Young children live in a world where they understand only part of what they hear around them. Not understanding the German will not phase him at all. He doesn't understand most of the English he hears on a daily basis either.

On the contrary, he will get two or three days a week in a second and useful language. Although he will not become as fluent as a native speaker, he will pick some up, probably more than you expect.

I think it's a fantastic opportunity and you should be delighted.

By the way, you should also tell your SIL to use German all the time with her DD, not just when they're alone. Otherwise, in the UK, with a British Dad, the child is unlikely to pick up native level German.

Thank you - that's reassuring

I absolutely am delighted, but I suppose I realised when I went to collect him from the playgroup the other day that my enthusiasm for the idea has meant that I have launched into this without actually having any understanding about babies/children learning languages!

Having a look on the threads here has been really interesting. Will have to have a chat with my SIL about it.

I would expect your DS to pick up a lot of German in two or three days a week. He is probably hearing as much German as the child of a British Mum/German Dad would hear who was only hearing their father speak in the evenings.

It would not surprise me if he became very fluent.

When my DD started kindergarten, she had spent 3 years speaking mainly English, although she understood what her German father was saying. I was so worried, but she was absolutely fine (aside from the teacher not understanding what "glue" was).

Having worked with several bilingual children, and children exposed to two languages but not bilingual, rest assured your DS will be fine!

(And better of than in a nursery with people he's never met before)

He will be fine and dandy and pick up German very quickly! If your SIL continues to speak German with him in the future he will probably end up very fluent.

Words aren't the most important part of communication, especially for very young children who are still getting to grips with concepts so adding a language isn't that big a deal in tge grand scheme of things at that age.

I agree - your ds will pick up important sounds in German that he will learn naturally. And even if he doesn't become completely bilingual he has a great foundation upon which to build later on. I think it is a fantastic opportunity.

Thank you everybody. I think I'm probably feeling a bit anxious in general about going back to work. It's good to see a consensus of opinion that he'll be just fine!