PFB ideals that you've been able to stick to?

[jeanvaljean]

I'd be interested to hear if anyone has had ideals about how they were going to bring up their child, and actually managed to (largely) stick to these once the baby arrived.

Things like...
My child won't even see a TV until she's at least 3
My child will never have a fruitshoot/sugary snacks
I will read to my child every day
There will be no plastic toys in my house only wooden ones
I will have a tidy house and my cream carpets are staying
I will never give in to tantrums and resort to treats to have a quiet life

What ideals did you have pre-children and what have you managed to stick to? And what went out the window straight away?

I am proud to report that DD still wears all ironed clothes.

However we are TTC #2 and I predict that if/when I have two this one will go out of the window!

Definitely ironed clothes all the way.

Other than that, i'm not sure I had any really. Not 6 months in yet so sure it will all change, but i'm a lazy slattern at the best of times so expect it will stay mostly the same.

No telly for the first year (He's nearly 2 now and only has about 45 minutes a day, unless I'm feeling particularly exhausted)

I wanted to breastfeed for a year- managed 16 months in the end. We stopped because I was pregnant again and it started to hurt, and DS was losing interest anyway.

No gender stereotyping- DS has pink toys, a toy kitchen, and wears tights when it's cold. He also has more cars than any child could ever need, as well as gender neutral craft stuff/playdough/puzzles etc.

I said my child would not have a dummy. I think he was 4 days old when I sent DH out to get one! That said, he never has had a dummy as he refuses them, all of them, and we have tried many! He's a clever little chap and will not be fooled - he will accept only the real thing!

I think the only thing I've stuck to is that I have never smacked.

And I read every day.

And I breastfed for, ooh, ever.

Otherwise, I'm pretty slack.

I have stuck to all of mine...

However, I'm not bragging. I just never had too many ideals.

I don't ban foods, but do restrict certain things. I never desired to be an unconditional parent, and I use traditional discipline (but never smacking). I do insist on manners and sharing.

I stuck to them because they were easy to stick to.

I have never allowed my children to eat things in the supermarket before I've paid for them.

I do read to my children every day. Well, the small ones, the big ones can read themselves!

It has never actually occurred to me to iron any of DC's clothes, let alone aspire to it

DC didn't watch any telly until age two, though does watch quite a lot now, age two and a bit Still cloth-bottomed, ebf until six months. Hasn't been smacked though has been patted quite forcibly on the padded bottom once or twice

DC does eat more sweet stuff than I planned but I didn't have any hard and fast rules about that. Generally only has water (and bm) to drink though. I do tell lies but not many. I've never understood the only-wooden-toys thing.

Tbh I think being a parent to an older child and eg not trying to pressurise/control is going to be much harder.

Same goes for both girls, not just PFB

No dummy- never had a dummies in the house (although I was tempted at times with DD1!)

No baby food Jars- Had visions of making my own purees but then discovered BLW :)

Family eats together almost every night and meals are almost always cooked from scratch.

DD only had about 3 jars of baby food in her life.

Have tried to avoid being too prescriptive about other matters, though.

EBF and no formula milk ...ever
No dummy
No chocolate until 4 (they hate it now anyway so )
No baby jars (although confess to serious Goodies habit to supplement HC meals)
No fizzy drinks (though they now have Ame and Luscombe)
No Playstations, DS

Less successful
No TV (they don't watch much but there have been phases of extended viewing)
Cloth nappies (never did it long enough)
Organic food (Hello recession, hello Asda)

Stuff I stuck/am sticking to:

-No TV till age 2 (got very lucky though, he just isn't interested)
-Breastfeeding till 6 months (still going at 17 months)
-No baby food jars (did BLW, no pureeing either!)
-No sugary drinks, only milk or water

Stuff I failed at:

-Reusable nappies
-Baby sleeping in our room till 6 months (made it to 4 months and we all slept better after)

Things I have managed to stick to:

• no TV before age 3
• breastfeeding for a good while (2 years and counting with DD2)
• read to them everyday, am and pm
• moved straight from breast to cup (no bottles, not ever)

Things I have failed miserably at:

• no junk food
• no McDonalds
• no "eat your main first in order to get the pudding"
• biscuits as bribery
• eating stuff in supermarket before paying

Hmmmmmm, all my failures are food related. No surpride there. I am crap with food. My own diet is appalling and I have no idea how I manage to stay slim (ish, currently size 12)

My DS is only 15 weeks old so extremely early days...but so far I am proud I am ebf and intend to carry on doing so as long as possible, but ashamed that I already plonk DS in his bouncy chair in front of the tv when I need to get something done. I really try not to and often he is happy to sit and watch me, but when he's a bit grouchy the tv works every time. It's frightening how engrossed he is by it at this tender age...

I had lots of ideals, some quite naive. But that is what happens with a PFB, isn't it... DS is now 5yo.

But we have stuck to:

• good routine and early bed, especially on school nights
• reading every night
• clear rules - he is a very respectful little boy, very sweet
• no smacking - mainly distraction or naughty step

Ideals I've stuck to:

• I have never, ever avoidably left my dcs to cry.
• BF for a year (did 15 months with DS1. DS2 can have as long as he wants)
• With discipline, disapprove of the behaviour not the child. Don't make threats you're not going to follow through on.
• No junk food.
• Got a piano before ds1 turned 3. It's loud .

Ones I've largely stuck to:

• Smacking. I smacked my DS1 yesterday, the first and only time. I am deeply ashamed and disgusted .
• Minimal TV. He still only watches about 20 mins per day, but he started watching it before I would have planned, around a year. Night Garden seemed to soothe him before bed.

Ones that never got off the ground:

• reusable nappies. We didn't have a washing machine when ds1 was born so not an option. Now I have to do a load a day anyway in a tiny kitchen, I think I'd be mad to consider it.
• Chocolate. DS1 would still be in nappies were it not for chocolate buttons.
• EBF to six months. He seemed hungry so started weaning at 21 weeks. Will hold my nerve a bit longer with ds2 I think.

Lol at the cream carpets OP. We still have ours, they're just not cream any more!

reading
bedtimes

Does watching telly count if it's you doing it and LO is just sat on your knee? DD hasn't been plonked in front of telly to keep her quiet - yet - she's only 23 weeks!

I think mine were fairly minimal. Am succeeding in the following:

• Pretty much EBF so far - the odd bit of apple as we're just starting to look at BLW
• Avoiding masses of pink-for-a-girl - mostly sticking to this (she has a really sweet blue pair of dungarees with airplanes on them f'r instance). Made harder by the loads of clothes passed on from her cousin, my brother's DD, though, but free clothes innit
• Reasonably Eco-friendly - using cloth nappies for the most part (disposables at night and when going out, and when the cloth ones are in the wash, so it's far from 100% though...), buying few new items in preference for second-hand stuff

Early days yet though as she hasn't even hit six months, quite!

ironed clothes?? Why??

We've managed (with twins, now 17 months)
ebf
cloth nappies till 7 months
no tv
lots and lots of reading
no baby jars (another BLW here)
never left to cry
no smacking or shouting

Not so good on...
Dummies (we cracked after 2 days, they still have them though only at night)
Wooden toys (ha ha ha my living room is full of plastic tat that sings)
Sugar /other junk (not doing badly, but they have certainly 'tasted' several of these things, sometimes several times, since they realised we could be mugged for them )

The only really strong ones were:
No TV in their room
Bedtime stories every night
Decent discipline but no physical punishment
Not being a Helicopter Parent

Main other things though would be healthy eating, plenty of activity and not too much telly. These have certainly wobbled over her life (3.7yrs) at times of stress but overall DH and I are pretty pleased with how we are doing.