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Original poster

Bossy girl friendships..help!

10 replies

Ismene · 08/02/2011 21:59

DD has just started school and she is my P(only)FB so I'd appreciate some perspective on this! There is another girl in her class who wants to do everything with DD, to the point of physically pulling at her and being, for want of a better description, really in DD's face and telling her what she must and must not do etc. I have seen DD get tearful about it, because of the loud persistence and physical pulling that is happening which is overwhelming her when she still getting used to being in school. If I am honest, I find this child overwhelming myself.

I don't know what to do, I am trying to help DD work out how to manage it for herself by telling her that she doesn't have to do what other children tell her, but that the teacher is in charge. I don't want to go running to the teacher with something which could well be par for the course, but it is niggling at me. Help!

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MrsGravy · 08/02/2011 22:11

I'd speak to the teacher about it. Our teachers emphasise to us that we should go in and speak to them sooner rather than later if there are any problems so they can nip it in the bud.

It IS pretty common for little girls to be bossy but the situation you've described sounds like it needs some adult intervention.

I would also keep on helping your DD deal with it - maybe do some 'role playing' with her?!

Original poster
Ismene · 08/02/2011 22:19

Thanks MrsGravy, I will try the role playing with her and thanks for the reassurance that it does sound like more than the usual bossy friends scenario.

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yummumto3girls · 09/02/2011 14:35

Girls - I have 3 of them and their friendship issues can sometimes be challenging! I am sure boys would be much easier from that point of view (I am sure I will be corrected!) I would say that at this early age they are all quite fickle and this other girl may get bored and move on to someone else soon. Meanwhile the teacher can help put them in separate groups for activities etc to help your daughter cope. As others say teach her how to cope with the situation and that she can say no to this other girl. Be careful about getting too involved unless it gets more serious because I have had similar situations where the next day they declare they are best friends!!!

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notyummy · 09/02/2011 14:42

Oh I recognise this.....but I suspect my DD is bossy girl. She has a best friend at school and they are think as thieves most of the time, but I sometimes think my DD is too bossy with her (from the bit I have seen of them together.) She has been over here on a playdate, and DD has been over to their house. DD reduced her to tears when the little girl was over last time Blush but by the time her mum had arrived to take her home, she didn't want to leave and was giving my daughter big hugs and kisses!

I think giving your daughter some strategies to cope and asking the teacher to keep an eye on it sound like sensible steps. ASs others have said, I am sure it will pass. I am trying to coach DD on how to be friends without always being in charge....

Original poster
Ismene · 09/02/2011 18:29

Thank you for the further replies, I am going to have a quiet word with the teacher, and then just keep an eye.

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chillybits · 09/02/2011 23:29

Hi Ismene - I have a thread going where exactly the situation you describe has tipped over into bullying for my DS. He's now Yr 2 but in reception I could have written your post.

You are right to try and nip it in the bud as the dominant child can become very dependent on the less dominant child and react badly when friendships start to branch out. This type of friendship can occur due to insecurities in the more dominant friend - don't think its really a girl thing, more personality dynamics.

I would mention to the teachers so they can avoid pairing them up automatically and I would also suggest not letting playdates develop into a regular part of your schedule so they can phased out painlessly if you're not happy with the way things progress. Its very easy in reception to leap into reciprocal playdate culture with first friends to ease children into school but it can be a curse as well as a
blessing.

Good luck!

chillybits · 09/02/2011 23:34

Should mention I did NOT talk to the teachers when I was at your early stage and really wish I had.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 10/02/2011 08:02

OP, another who could have written your post. Our DD was targetted by a girl who joined the school halfway through the year.
She decided that since both her and my DD were only children they would be BFF. She was physically 15 cm taller than mine and at least 15kg heavier. She intimidated my DD to such a degree that she didn't want to go to school because X wouldn't let her play with anyone else.
I spoke to their (pretty useless) teacher and when nothing had happened in two weeks, I spoke to the head of junior school.

savoycabbage · 10/02/2011 08:09

I would also see if you could help your dd find another friend in her class and support this friendship out of school by having him or her over for tea or similar. That way she has somewhere else to turn when she is looking for someone to play with at school.

Original poster
Ismene · 10/02/2011 12:14

I appreciate the further posts, I haven't spoken to the teacher yet but am going to do it today, so that is really helpful.

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