Naughty step - yes or no?

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Do they not just sod off and climb up the stairs? Do you stand and watch them for the allocated time or leave them. Or is time out in bedrooms better?

Thinking of things for my demon child, had been angelic until she started playgroup and now is a pain at times.

BUT I think she is just tired, so is it mean to discipline when it is not really their 'fault' for being naughty?

DD (4) sits on the bottom step and doesn't get up from it until her time is done. she used to hurt herself, cry or bang on the stairs to get my attention, but she's stopped that now. we call it the 'thinking step' as she's supposed to think about what she did wrong.

If you're very clear about function/rules of step, they work like a dream IME.
Sometimes, when DD was tired/being naughty, she'd just go and sit on the step of her own volition... which made me think she had worked out she felt better after a quick burst of quiet reflection
She used to sit on it until she felt able to come and say sorry, and then we'd have a big hug. So she had a bit of control as to how long she was on it.

like the sound of Thinking Step. What age did you start doing it? dd1 is not 3 till the end of this month, seems a bit young.

Lilac

Do you live at my house ??

He used to carry on to his liking on the step, and still does if he is tired, but 9/10 he jsut sits there and asks a few times has the beeper gone ??

Did you hear it ??

No

Well then it hasn't gone.

It could be broken...............

and so on and so forth, but if he has been really naughty, then I don't reply to his questions.

we started it when DD was between 3 and 3 a half. we also used a stickerchart for a long time. it also works well with what they do in school where naughty children have to sit on 'the carpet' (which is like a little corner of the room for each teacher) and then apologize after a few minutes.

LGJ, i got so upset when DD sat there hurting herself but was told by everyone to ignore it and it worked. all she does now is storm off stomping her feet to the step and shout "oh bother!"

we started it around 2, maybe bit before

It works a treat with my two boys. They get to calm down and think about what they've done.

Last night dh burped in the Indian restaurant and ds1 said he had to sit on the naughty step when he got in for 49 minutes Not that I'd sit dss on there for accidentally burping mind you.

yes, but I don't refer to it as a naughty step - I just say go and sit at the bottom of the stairs! of equivalent if we're out, somewhere away from the action and then we have a little chat, why is mummy cross, say sorry, cuddle, done.

I am not sure about when they are tired either - I still have a chat but I am a bit more gentle and say "I know you are tired" but IMO they still have to learn to control themselves when they are tired don;t they?

Have you tried Soupdragon's pasta jar idea? See mumsnet tips for details, in behaviour section. We have just started this with DS1 who is 3 and working well. He also has thinking time on bottom step and to his room if a time-out is required (rarely get to this stage thankfully)

Have never had to do anything before, and she is nearly 3 she is a really good girl most of the time.

It is a shock to my system all this screeching and wailing off her.

Will have a think.

It's horses for courses, I think. Time-out works a treat for DD ( Iusually send her to her room, as I don't want to have to trip over her going upstairs to the loo or whatever), but DS has rather more 'challenging' behaviour so the naughty/thinking step was not appropriate.

We have a list of house rules and a list of consequences. Tokens (to be exchanged for pocket money) are the first to be lost. It's clear, consistent and works a treat.

Yes defineatly. I use it, always have done. Not perhaps as well as others do (don't use 1 min per year of child etc) But it does work, it gives you and them time out. Sometimes DD1 goes stoping off to her bedroom - her choice, but it usually just for a good cry. I let them come back when they are quite calm and ready to apologize. Suppernanny does it well, she makes sure you give them one proper warning (down at their level and explained firmly) then when they are sitting down, she says again WHY they are on the step. Also when they aploigize they have to say sory for XYZ (if they are old enough to do so) One quick hug/I love you then the incident is past and cannot be brought up again.

WHat NOT to do
If parents shout 'go to the step' without warning, if they punish later for a demeanour, if they don't explain WHAT they are being sent to the step for etc etc.

BTW I of course have done all of the above

We have both a naughty step and time out for a calm down for DS (4 today). Naughty step is for deliberate naughtiness. But sometimes, when he is a bit overwrought or tired or frustrated what he needs is some time out without it being a naughty thing. For example he knows that he categorically is not allowed in any way shape or form to hit or push DD (just 2) and she can be so agggravating that he can get a bit worked up containning himself from doing so. Usually I remove him from the action immediately, sit him on my lap, say firmly but gently, right we are going to have a calm down and I am going to count to 10 - by the time I get to 10 he has always stopped crying or squealing or whatever, we dry his tears away, have a cuddle and send him back to the fray. Works a treat. He does have them on his own as well - sometimes I will say "you need to have a calm down - I am not cross, but this will not do" and make him go and sit quietly on the sofa on his own just for 2 minutes.

DD is completely unable to understand any of this so is clearly too young: when our nanny said to her yesterday "Do you WANT to go to the naughtly stap?" she jumped up and said "oooh, yes please" and trotted off like it was the biggest treat imaginable!

She's plenty old enough to sit on the step IMO - DS was on it from time to time way younger and even 16 month old DD has been put out of the room a couple of times (for biting). DS goes on the step if he is downstairs and on his bed if he is upstairs. I personally prefer the step because there is less opportunity for him to be messing about. We just call it "the step" and I think your DD sounds like it might help her to calm down a bit. Sounds like she's got a lot going on in her head from starting playgroup.

I used it for my demon preschooler - who is now a changed child! Didn't call it the naughty step tho', called it the thinking step.

paolosgirl - what are the house rules and what are the consequences? are they written down anywhere?

No, it never worked for us. Wouldn't unless you counted physically holding the child down on the step for the required time as being a punishment (but then, who is actually being punished there?). No idea how people keep the child on the step. Or in their room (do you lock them in there? stand on the other side holding the door handle?). The whole concept mystifies me.

Yes if you use time out in their room, you stand and hold the door shut.

Do you time it from the minute you lock them in there? I imagine you don't start until they stop hurling themselves bodily against the door? Sorry - I'm quite thick. I've wrangled with this concept many times and never managed to get it.

Janinlondon I think it depends who old the child is when you start it (in some repects) although I saw a supernanny where they did it with a nine year old, and it meant taking the back and sitting on the step/chair about 15 times (and at least an hour) to start with. But over time it worked (a couple of weeks) because it was consistant, it was done with a firm voice and it was combined with positive prasie for 'good' things. In some ways I really feel this is the key - it is working for us right now. Giving HUGE praise for good stuff, everytime my kids do something well behaved I alwasy thank them and give them loads of kisses/cuddles, and try to remember to tell DH (in front of them) to reinforce what was good. I know have kids who seem (sometimes) to try to outdo each other on the 'good' stuff

Thinking stairin our house but rarely need to use it now they're older. Guess ds2 will be coming to the age of using it before long now though! He'll be two in Jan.

house rules are VERY popular with my 5 and 4 year old. naughty step used sometimes in conjunction with losing piece of pasta from jar. we have firmed up the naughty step technique by slavish following of supernanny - resulting in not needing it so much (i am such a fan ).

when they were 2 or 3 they didn't stay put on naughty step, we had to keep putting them back. very tedious. now they will stay.

we should have a new thread, House Rules. Ours include:

no shouting
no swearing (that's mainly for me and dp)
no throwing food about
no getting down from table during meals
no disturbing adults or other children who are sleeping before 7am.
no getting out of bed once in bed.
Practice your Keywords
Put your clothes on yourself, clean teeth etc BEFORE any TV allowed
put shoes on shoerack and hang coat up when come in

etc etc. my dds keep adding to the list they love it.

DD used to get off the step, and we just had to keep sitting her on it. She got shut behind the stairgate in her room on the few occasions that she decided to pick off the wallpaper

She finds her room much more upsetting though, so it is only for big punishments.

We don't tend to do the 2/3/4 min rule though - you sit on the step until you are ready to come and give a kiss and say sorry, and normally do whatever you were refusing to do in the first place.

We have been doing it on and off since about 18 months, she's now 2 1/2 and it seems to have suddenly clicked. I ask her to do something/stop doing something twice, and the third time I ask she has until the count of three, or she goes on the stairs. Normally now she co-operates first time.

We still use her room for big naughtiness, and that is normally because I'm fuming so much that a sorry is more likely to get her yelled at more, so she has time out while mummy calms down... a recent example of that would be colouring the wall with crayon