Irrational or normal? I'm terrified of my DS dying.

[LaTristesse]

My DS is 11mo now and I just can't get away from thoughts of him dying. There's absolutely nothing wrong with him, he's healthy and happy, and I know it's probably because it's the thing I fear most that I think about it so much, but is this normal? Do other parents worry about this so much?

My MiL lost a baby to cot death when she was 10mo so until DS reached that point I was always thinking the same would happen to him. Now we're past that but I still can't shake these thoughts. I'm also going back to work when he's a year old and in my head it's become like I'm going to lose him then, rather than just have reduced time with him.
Am I mad? Do I need some kind of help? Or is this normal?

Sorry to bleat on when some people have real problems, I just need to know if it's just me... Thanks.

i am like this too.

i used to worry loads about DH too, before DS was here to worry about. i also get worried about my parents, especially as they get older. and my younger sibling, who travels a lot.

DS is 16 mo and i have no idea when I'll give up the Angelcare monitor.

i am definitely a natural worrier. thanks for this thread op, it's nice to know I'm not alone with my panicky thoughts...

I think this is so much more common than most people think it is because people don't really talk about it.

It was worst when my oldest DD was born. I'd worried throughout her pregnancy (had her after 3 miscarriages so felt like I was just waiting for the sword to fall) and it carried on after birth. She had awful reflux and struggled to gain weight. I weighed her obsessively and constantly checked her breathing. When we travelled by car I would pull in every few minutes to check she was still alive or if DH was with me, get him to check it. We used the angelcare monitor 'til she was 18 months.

Now onto number 2 and things have eased a bit, I think cosleeping has helped me as I can feel her breathing and she's always close enough for me to protect her. I've mentally rehearsed getting them both out of the house in an emergency / fire (DD2 will be placed in a big pillow case and lowered out of the window on a rope made from rolled sheets, DD1 will be put in a duvet cover for these purposes. I'll throw the cot mattress out of the window first if I can, for a bit of padding).

DD1 also doesn't have any furniture in her room that's heavy enough to crush her (have carefully built storage into the wall itself) after a friend of a friend's son was crushed by a falling chest of drawers (he pulled open the bottom drawer, tried to climb into it and the entire unit fell on him).

Not irrational at all. I worried awfully when dd was born - and actually discussed this with my Health Visitor. She told me that it was normal, and unless I found that the anxiety stopped me from living my life in the usual way, it wasn't anything to stress over.

My dd is nearly 7 and I still hate flying now, and worry when we drive on the motorway. And she had a dentist's appointment, and needed a filling . I knew she had a cavity and somehow extrapolated this in my imagination to her having to have teeth out under GA and dying. I am not normally such a loon, but hell, am I glad that appointment is over.

Statistically - there is very little chance that your child will die the way you fear.
You need to put this in perspective and yes, I do think you should seek help, for your own peace of mind and for your child's because an over anxious mother can cause unnecessary stress in the child.

We all have feelings like yours to some extent and that IS normal, but when it gets to the point of really distressing you then you should seek some professional help.
People telling you they have felt the same or reassuring you it is normal will not stop your anxiety but professionals can teach you how to change your thinking and how to be more relaxed.

When my DS1 was a baby I couldn't even mention the words cot death because I was convinced that by mentioning it I would be jinxing him. I even had a pact with myself to stay awake as long as possible to keep an eye on him! Just the thing for a sleep deprived mother! He's still here and thriving after 9 years. (I on the other hand have aged much more than 9 years!) I always console myself that they can't die of everything I've feared so there's an excellent chance they wont die of anything other than old age a good 20 - 40 years after me!