And here's what happened...
Well, you wouldn't believe the arrogance of the woman. She pulled short of calling me a liar but used comments such as "What, you can't manage to come in ten minutes early and put on a few children's masks?" and "We have other disabled parents helping out" (implying a 'one-size-fits-all' attitude to disability generally - they can do it so so can you), and literally shook her head at me when I tried to explain how hard things like that could be for me. I even pointed out the irony that the school links with a local homeless charity for the Harvest Assembly, presumably to demonstrate to the children the importance of considering people worse off than themselves, yet the school couldn't recognise the needs of a genuine disabled parent who wanted nothing more than to support her child in his school play. And her
reply? "Oh come on, surely you're not comparing yourself to a homeless person who has nothing?" So it came back to her notion of fairness, that all parents should queue regardless of circumstance. I argued that fairness should consider circumstance but in her arrogance she stuck to her opinion that her view of fairness was right and any other was wrong.
So I asked if the school had an access policy for disabled parents (having first researched the DDA website and aware that they have to - thank you Carlk), to which she replied that I have access to the school at any time I want. Now visibly sneering at me and continuing to shake her head at the self-pitying waste-of-space in front of her, she said that I could come in ten minutes early and get a seat if that was what I insisted. I told her that that wouldn't be necessary as long as I could guarantee a seat could be kept for me - all I wanted was somewhere to sit and I had no intention of disrupting proceedings. But no, she wants me in early, I think because she wants to make an exhibit of me.
So I guess in a way I won. I felt great when I came out of school, I'd taken on the dragon and beaten her but now that I've thought about it I feel a bit hollow. I'm really shocked and offended by her attitude towards disabled parents, the arrogance that she felt qualified to comment on my life and circumstances about which she knows nothing, the implied assumption that she understands my condition better than I do. Above all, the implication that I'm a bl**dy liar and using my non-existent 'disability' to queue-jump. I'm torn between seething rage, frustration and disappointment, AND personal insult.
The outcome is that I do get to support my son as he narrates his single line and of course I'm happy about that, but this whole episode has left a sour taste in my mouth.