If you are a SAHM do you get to really enjoy you DC??

[drivinmecrazy]

We are a fairly conventional family, DH goes to work and earns a decent (though not excessive) wage and I stay at home and run the household.
We have 2 girls (10&5) who I feel I hardly get to enjoy. When DH finishes work he can come home and have fun with the girls while I make dinner, make sure all is ready for next day and generally put the house back together. Week-ends, I run them to ballet on a Saturday and usually get home about 3 by which time DH is home. He can then switch off and have fun, taking them out or watching a film with them, playing a game or reading to them (all the things I would love to do).
I just feel that my role is to facilitate an easier life for all, but I don't get any clocking off time.
I know my DH works really hard but I do too. My job is 7 days a week, at least 12 hours a day. I see my girls blooming, and get such lovely comments about their behaviour and characters, I take great joy and pride in that but never feel I can sit back and really enjoy who they are becoming and who I am helping them to be.
Am sure this is quite normal, but just yearn to switch off all other roles and just indulge in who they have become.
After re-reading this, I actually sound very churlish, but would love to know I am not alone in missing my children although my life is devoted to them.

It seems like you may be suffering from a lack of organisation. So you do 84 hours of cleaning/cooking/ferrying around? This is far too much. You should be able to do all your housework whilst the DC are at school, and most meals can be at least semi-prepared in advance, giving you a chance to relax with your family after dinner.

At the moment, you don't seem to be getting much quality time with your DC, which is a shame, for all of you.

No public transport?

I got myself a slow-cooker. I've got plenty of time in the mornings to get a meal started. Stick some jacket potatoes in the oven. Then you are not doing kitchen duty after school.

Have a snack and drink to hand for after school then sit down with DCs to just chat. We do a lot of drawing/colouring in or play a board game if it is one they can all handle. DH joins in with us when he gets home, rather than taking over and doing dad stuff.

All sounds lovely, but does no one spend their time refereeing siblings, arguing the toss as to why they can't have grapes with their lamb instead of veg, why the orange peel really should have found its way to the bin instead of the floor, that the coke is not there for their enjoyment but for mummys sustanence with the JD when they finally give up and go to bed?? You all sound so controlled and organised. I could slow cook a meal (and often do) but it doesn't create a household of co-operative children intent on proving to Mummy that they really do love each other and will faithfully share (equally) control of PC/TV.
I love my family, I truly do. But making time away from the daily grind sometimes seems such a distant dream. I often wonder if we had of had our DDs closer together it might not have been such an issue. At 10 & 5 they have such different interests/attitudes and needs I never seem to fulfill fully the needs of one let alone both.
Must try harder

I don't really understand why you can't get all the chores, dinner etc done while the kids are at school, surely 6 hours a day must be enough to get everything done.

Spend the time between picking them up from school and their bedtime just enjoying them, and then get their stuff ready for the next day and clear dinner dishes when they are in bed.

DH and I both work full time and manage to fit quality time in with the kids. Think you're being a bit silly TBH.

I do all of the things you describe - mine row nearly every day (6 and 9) and have totally different interests. (male and female as well). They get yelled at for leaving apple cores around rather than putting them in the g pigs' cages. They steal my double deckers and leave the lovingly ironed clothes strewn across their bedrooms.
It would be utterly unrealistic to expect these things not to happen IMHO. That is just kids.
What I mean is you have to steal your little moments of happiness amongst it all and try to find fun in the grind.
I fully appreciate that it is not easy and it does regularly get me down - you are not alone.
Don't set your expectations too high though. Rejoice in the little things when you can.

I think the OP wants to enjoy time WITH her DDs father than without them. I can see how time gets filled up with jobs, and how you can end up with 1 parent being the 'fun parent'.

How about scheduling some regular times for 'fun'? Say take them out for tea (or take drinks and cakes with you and stop and eat them in the park) on a Friday after school?

I also think you need to try and spend time with them 1 on 1, particularly as they are such different ages. So leave one of them with DH on a Sunday and take the other one out, and then swap over.

I know am being a bit silly, but it's really not the household chores. It's the time I spend with them seems to be nagging, ferrying around, waiting for, refereeing, trying to balance their very different needs (I know this is just parenting) Think maybe I need to work on myself to just switch off all else and enjoy them.
Life and their lives just seem to be all consuming with not much time to stop and stare.
Feel pretty sad though that I seem to be the only mother who seems not to take the time out to enjoy the girls.
Think it may be me trying too hard to make my DDs life so 'perfect' and different to my up bringing. My father was a distant figure (careeraholic) and my mum really struggled, I thought by putting DDs needs first second and last I have actually overlooked the things I really missed the most.
Tis very cathartic typing this and hearing that I am probably making this situation the way it is. And only I can change it. Thank You for your honesty (and making me feel like I might be a bit of a controlling monster )

You need to spend time with each of them individually.
Do all your housework/food prep etc whilst they're in school, then give each an hour's attention each evening (start with half hour each, build up).
Just because they're siblings doesn't mean they must have the same interests, or even like each other particularly, (though it helps obviously). Try and make room to accommodate both their interests.

If you need help/advice on how to get everything done whilst they're in school- go and look on 'good housekeeping' topic and fly threads. Or go back to work and hire a cleaner/housekeeper.

Children only go to school for 190 days a year, so there is plenty of chance for time together outside of term time!

I think you're right - a lot of parenting is about the tedious, boring stuff like running them around, fetching, carrying and picking up after them. I have two boys and a girl and I'm forever yelling at one or other of them to pick their pants/knickers/socks up off the floor, or their sweet wrappers from behind the cushions on the sofa. I'm fed up on trying to untie trouser legs from pants cos they seem to think they come off as one garment. But hey ho ... that's kids and I've no doubt I wasn't an angel either when I was a child.

It is difficult when there's a bigger age gap - I find this particularly so during school holidays. There's 4.5 years between my eldest and youngest and it's tricky trying to find something that all three of them want to do. Usually it means a trip to the cinema and McDs - as that's something they all like. It's also difficult trying to find time for one on one with them, particularly with three, and it's not something I'm great at.

But the one thing we do every night is have a cuddle up together on the sofa and watch some rubbish while they have their hot chocolates before bed. Luckily we have a big sofa and can just about manage me and three children.

I consider myself to be very lucky to be able to stay at home - and I certainly don't spend all that time when they're at school rushing around doing housework. I make sure food is prepared, the house isn't looking like a tip and then take some time for me. It's the only time I get it and I don't feel guilty about it any longer.

I start work at 7am and finish at 9pm but I make sure I get some breaks in as well.