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PIL and DD

19 replies

BFAnon · 06/02/2011 21:21

My PIL (ie grandparents for our dd) came yesterday (they live abroad so we see them several times a year). Our DD is 2,2, i'm 5 months pregnant.

My DD behaves in a really strange way towards FIL. She never liked him tbh, but preferred just not to pay attention to him, ie just walked past, never played with him, etc. This time around she screams and cries when she sees him, hides, tries to get to me whenever she can. If he approaches her, she either screams and cries, or just turns away or walks away, avoiding eye contact, poor mite.

Don't know what to do and am very puzzled- she is a very social child, we had so many people coming to our house and it's the first time ever i see this reaction. She was never scared of people, never tried to hide, never cried when she saw unfamiliar face- now she is clearly scared, angry and annoyed.

Anyone else had smth similar? Why is she this way? Did you anything to ease things up?

TIA

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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MammyG · 06/02/2011 21:26

Does he have a beard or tache? My two both reacted to men with facial hair in a very frightened way. Cant think of anything else Im afraid.

Original poster
BFAnon · 06/02/2011 21:28

Nope, he doesn't. And she saw him before, his face hasn't changed since then....

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DaphneHeartsFred · 06/02/2011 21:28

I thought that too MammyG. My friend's DD was terrified of her uncle because of his beard.

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DaphneHeartsFred · 06/02/2011 21:28

X-post. Sorry.

Original poster
BFAnon · 06/02/2011 21:31

No, he doesn't have a beard/moustache or anything like that.

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Original poster
BFAnon · 06/02/2011 22:46

bump

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Gonzo33 · 07/02/2011 06:48

Do you think it is because she doesn't see him very often. I know that you say PIL. Does she speak with Nan more than Granddad on the telephone/skype.

Is he a stern person? My Granddad was virtually unapproachable until I was 15 (he doesn't like young children).

Original poster
BFAnon · 07/02/2011 09:42

Gonzo,
well, she is not talking much yet, so no, the amount of time she interacts with either of them is pretty much the same. And she sees her grandmother the same amount of time she sees her grandfather (they always come to visit together).
He is willing to play/talk/interact with her, but she just refuses point blank. And they are staying at our place- doesn't make it easier for her I guess.

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Plumm · 07/02/2011 09:45

DD didn't like men much when she was little (younger than 2.2 though) and a combination of that and not seeing him often meant she stayed away from my dad, although she didn't react with tears, etc. Is she okay with other men?

Original poster
BFAnon · 07/02/2011 09:57

Plumm, yes, she loves DH, ie her father, she loves my own father (her other granddad), she loves my uncle, etc, etc. Never had a problem when left alone with them, plays with them, gives them her toys, etc.My parents also live abroad, but she loves playing with my father, always stayed with him and my Mum without any problems.

We also have guests coming to our house- men as well- and she never behaved this way towards anyone. She is very social, normally loves people and never hid or cried when she saw a stranger. This is why I'm puzzled and a bit worried tbh.

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Original poster
BFAnon · 07/02/2011 14:01

bump

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MammyG · 07/02/2011 21:24

Puzzling. Only other thing I can think of is one day my brother popped his head in the car and said 'boo'. Ds1 (2.10 at the time) laughed and DS2 (18mths) screamed! Every time DS2 saw him after that he either cried or shied away - and we would see him weekly! It took a few months for him to warm up again.

Original poster
BFAnon · 07/02/2011 21:53

It is puzzling. She cried Sun morning right after she saw him (they came Sat evening), was crying every time she saw him on Sunday and still screams when she sees him today. Wondering what's upsetting her so much...

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WincyEtNightie · 07/02/2011 22:00

It's easy to say but try not to read too much into it. Unless you have any other concerns I really would be inclined to put it down to one of those odd quirks kids have. It's so easy to overthink these things.

DD went through a phase of crying if ]her grandad (FIL) if even looked at her. He's gently spoken, ave size, no facial hair etc. Now he's her absolute favourite person. She was quite a lot younger than your DD however when this happened.

I wouldn't push her into playing with her or make a big deal about her reaction. She'll probably just come round in her own time.

WincyEtNightie · 07/02/2011 22:01

Sorry, push her into playing with him.

Original poster
BFAnon · 07/02/2011 22:26

Of course, I don't push her into playing with him. Wouldn't be fair towards her iykwim.

I'm just puzzled tbh. One thing he did which she didn't like is closing her once in her playpen despite her protests- but she was around 9 months then! Can she still remember?

Puzzzzling ;-).

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WincyEtNightie · 08/02/2011 00:11

Sorry, wasn't implying you were pushing her. I was just trying to answer (albeit only a negative answer) your final q as to what you could/should do to try to resolve it. Smile

I don't think they remember that far back but who knows! Hope it all blows over soon. I'm sure it will.

cory · 08/02/2011 08:14

Some children are like that. I was terrified of my greatuncle who was possibly the kindest man I ever met. Later I found out that my mum was also terrified of him when she was little.

FreudianSlippery · 08/02/2011 08:21

I wouldn't worry. DD used to cry whenever my dad arrived but it was just a phase, she adores him now :)

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