Feels like I'm being so negative all the time

[JumpJockey]

DD1 is 2 and 2 months and a lot of the time is very lovely, but I feel like so much of the time I'm having to say No - eg today, there's been No don't throw toys at your baby sister (3 weeks), No don't pour your water on the floor, Stop banging the door, Don't drink your bathwater, etc etc

We've read How to talk, and I try to do a lot of those things EG offering her a choice when getting dressed but she just says No all the time as well! Is 2 too young for the how to talk ideas? And given that she's still quite young and can do dangerous things without realising the consequences, is it bad to be saying no so much? Redirecting her attention works about one go in five, otherwise there really is a lot of No going on. :( Any suggestions, or is this just life with a 2 year old?!

Just a quick reply, but have a look for a thread on here about Playful Parenting (and have a google for the book).

This sounds like something you (and I) could benefit from. I believe my son is going to think his name is "*** NO!"

ps he's 20 months and the newbie is 10 weeks.

I think it's a bit of normal-life-with-2yr-old ad a bit new-baby (don't underestimate this bit!)

I think distraction is still good at this age

The choices thing (as in HTT)

And pick your battles and let stuff go

Thanks for this - last couple of days we have been trying the playful business but she's still a bit young to understand. Will try more of the distractions, she's usually quite easily distracted :)

Never too young for the playful approach.

My ds1 is 21 months and I find this approach is the one that works the best with him and he doesn't talk yet so not sure he understands but it certainly works (when I remember that is and I'm not constantly shouting 'X NO')

If she wants to pour water on the floor, stand her at the kitchen sink/bath and give her cups and water to play with.

I did give up with the bathwater drinking but I just wash his body and hair just as he's about to get out so he's not drinking soap etc.

We do plenty of playing in the kind of things she likes (washing up bowl on kitchen floor etc) - it's when she's at the table and pours her teatime drink... We always get her a cloth to clear up but sometimes I think she feels that's the best part of the game!

Have just seen another thread that looks pretty helpful

thread

so it sounds as if trying to avoid 'don't' is a good way forwards. We do try but fall back into shouting "No don't squash your sister" a lot

I work with children and we were always taught to put a positive spin on it. For instance walk please instead of dont run. Shut the door quietly instead of dont bang the door etc. You can move and show them how to shut the door appropriately etc. It is hard to remember sometimes in times of stress and they wont get it straight away but it works in the end. Its just repeating it and repeating it until its ingrained behaviour.

Sometimes when you say dont do something they dont really know what to do instead.

Also, try to pick up on all the times when she is doing the right thing and praise her for it. Even if she's not doing much at all, if she's not doing something wrong, then that's worth noticing. It's the inverse of saying no when she's done the wrong thing ...

"Well done, you are playing so nicely with your sister"
"Hey, you poured all the water into the bucket without spilling a drop! Can you do that again?"

Positive reinforcement! Feels a bit stupid at first but after a while you get into the habit of doing it.