Becoming a housewife?

[dreamylady]

OK, First off I'm sure I'm pissing in the wind to an extent but I really don't intend this to be a working mum v SAHM thread.

What I really want is advice from SAHMs about the transition from being an independent working woman to being an at home mum.

How did you find it, and what strategies did you use to make it work, how do you divide chores and finances, etc.

I'm about to leave my fairly well paid (in local govt terms) and interesting job to spend time being a mum and pursuing a few interests, volunteering etc. We will be skint but I think (and I think he thinks) it will be worth it.

But I am worried about loss of identity, missing my workmates, missing out on being able to afford to do what we like (we don't have extravagant tastes so i doesn't take much to keep us happy - but we will have to forgo some things, like our weekly takeaway for eg) and most of all scared of being subjugated by my DP!! Not his fault, but mine - I've ALWAYS been brought up to stand on my own two feet. And he was brought up by a working mum, and loves the 'working' me. But i think is a bit intimidated by it too and might enjoy being the big man for a year or two...

Tell me your stories and give me your advice, and also that I'm not completely nuts to take this great opportunity while DD (5) is still young.

....and has anyone found its improved their relationship, and how?

I think if it is an opportunity which you have been presented with then you would regret it if you did not do it. I wouldn't worry about loss of identity, you are not defined by your job.
Make sure you make the effort to keep in touch with people (it may sometimes feel one sided, stick with it)
Make sure you still read books, papers, watch news etc so you don't vanish into own world completely.
The volunteering is a great idea, will help you become involved in community.
God, I sound pompous, don't mean to, just think is great idea and good luck to you! Hope you enjoy it, is great opportunity, hope it is all you want it to be!

The way we do it is that dp pays a certain amount into my account each month,that I use to pay for food,clothes,lunches out etc. That way I still feel independent as I manage my own finances and don't have to ask him all the time before I spend money. I love being at home with the kids, but do occasionally think it would be nice to work part time. This is usually if I've had an argument with dp and he says what an easy life I have at home all the time....we both know it's not true and most if the time he respects what I do,but just occasionally it comes up and really winds me up! As for friends-I've stayed in touch with a few people I used to work with,but not most. I think it's the same as when you move jobs,you find out who are true friends and who were just colleagues. I've made a whole load of new friends through the children too

Also, it might help if you think about how long you would like to be a 'housewife' for. 2 years? 5 years? it just mentally helps me with having to deal with the daily stuff.

As for finances, it's hard to advise because it depends so much on how you view money, how you spend it, and how your relationship is with your partner. I've had to cut a lot of my personal 'luxuries' when I stopped working but I'm used to it now. I use Waitrose own moisturiser instead of Clarins, but hey, no bit deal!

I make sure I go to baby groups/rhyme time at the library/regularly meet up with friends to make sure that my brain doesn't go to mush. I look after the family finances (always have) which works well for us. We've cut back on some of the luxuries and we aren't in a position to save much, if anything. But I actually quite enjoy the challenge of bargain hunting and balancing the books. I set myself some targets for the day - bake a cake, make some phone calls, clean the kitchen etc so that I know I've achieved something everyday.

Firstly I would never describe myself as a "housewife" I am a wife to my husband not the house. It makes it sound as though I spend my entire day loving the house by doing housework. I am a SAHM.

The transition was ok, my son was only 16 months when I did this so I missed the adult company but I am now 6 years into it and have another son.

We have a joint credit card meaning I can shop for food, clothes, shoes for either the children or myself without having to ask for money. I found it hard to give myself small treats such as a magazine, coffee out etc but soon did

You are identified by your job by some people and that will never change. I made some lovely friends through the school playground so have friends who work and those who are SAHMs too. We meet up for coffees at each others houses and you can still meet your old work colleagues for lunch if travelling permits, or see them in the evening.

Keep your brain ticking over too.

I like the slower pace of life, I like pottering, my health is substantially better than when I worked and juggled childcare. But that is me.

I'm a sahm. Ds is 3.6 and at nursery school every morning. I left my job when I was 4 months pregnant because dh (who's in forces) was moving with work so I would have been leaving pregnant or not. I never really decided I wanted to stay at home it just happened that way.

Money wise we have a joint account and both spend as we need it.

I take on all of the household chores etc out of choice. Dh is capable and willing to do his fair share but I see it as my job. He works really hard for us so I like to do everything else.

Being a sahm isn't for everyone. I have friends who chose to work full time/part time for the sake of their careers/sanity. For me I'm happy with my choice. I feel fulfilled being a sahm.