How do I get DS1 (3) to like DS2 (1) more?

[SleepWhenImDead]

DS1 (3.1) barely tolerated DS2's presence for the first 8 months or so, but now DS2 (nearly 1) crawls and cruises, DS1 just can't stand him. DS2 is forever after DS1's stuff and DS1 is getting increasingly angry and aggressive towards him. All I hear all day is "NO, DS2!", DS1 moves things that DS2 is standing up holding onto, etc. :( Should I just separate them physically and just accept that they won't get on at the moment? Or are there things I could get DS1 to do with DS2 so he appreciates having a little brother in some way? I can't just keep them in different rooms as then I won't be with DS1 enough. We're doing lots of nice things with DS1 when DS2 is asleep or at the weekends so I don't think it's just attention seeking.

Anyone?

have a similiar age gap - ds1 3.4 and ds2 18mths.

have to say that ds1 isn't exactly brimming over with love and understanding towards ds2

i try to do lots of physical activities - well i say activities but it's actually me pretending to be a monster coming to eat them up, and other exciting variations on that theme , then they are in it together with me as the 'enemy'

also do a fair amount of tickle fighting. this mainly involve us all rolling around on the floor and me trying to stop ds1 from kicking ds2 in the head, but slowly things are improving, and there is more tickling and rapsberries and giggling, rather than sobs and plasters.

anything involving toys is destined to finish in some kind of debacle, but again is improving if ds1 designates ds2's toy allowance, doesn't always work, but it is some kind of improvemnt on ds2 being wrestled to the ground by simply 'looking' at a toy in the wrong way.

i do also validate ds1's feelings about ds2.
'he annoys me'
'yes i can see he annoys you'
prefering him to let it out onto me rather than ds2

it is hard though.

hth a bit and bloody good luck

I have a similar age gap. When DS2 was that age I had him in a baby carrier on my back a lot of the time. He loved it and it meant I could get housework done and DS1 could play in peace.

Could DS1 sit at a table with playdoh or crayons out of DS2's reach?

Hopefully as DS2 gets older they will learn to play together. My DS2 is 17 months now and my boys often play together quite well. DS1 does still get annoyed with him sometimes.

Could DS1 help you with DS2? E.g when you are changing his nappy, getting him dressed? Giving DS2 a snack? DS1 loves giving DS2 food for some reason. He has been trying to feed him chocolate buttons since he was a week old!

hth