Baby to the pub?

[hobbgoblin]

19 month DD's dad has asked me if it's okay to meet up with a dad friend (both in their late 40s if relevant) and his DS of similar age who also has Hypermobility for a chat and for babies to play.

I have recently asked DD's father to be more hands on and responsible with DD as he has a history of working hard and then chilling in the pub. So far he has made some good changes and has come up to my house after work to muck in a bit more. He was up tonight playing with DD when he asked me about this. However, he then added that this meet up would be in a local pub.

Now, this is a rural pub which is family friendly and the man he is meeting, while a nice bloke, is also of the pub culture which I am not to keen on.

I'm not happy as I think if the point of the meet up is for the DC to socialise then it should be somewhere appropriate to their needs and thus not a pub.

I don't care that apparently they will be taking toys, or that this man is unlikely to find it fitting to go for a coffee or round to one another's houses for a cup of tea and man/baby talk. I don't buy that that is a 'womanly' thing to do. I like drinking in pubs but reserve this for my DC free time, of which there is little.

So, I feel bad for putting the mockers on an idea that was well intended, but also feel strongly that the suggestion remains inappropriate for baby play.

I said in the summer it would be more appropriate in a garden if it MUST be a pub, but not in the bar area.

I just don't see why both men can't interract as parents away from their adult male environment but can see that these two old skool males will not see my pov at all and think I am being extremely precious.

I know I can't mould DD's dad into the parent I'd like him to be but think that he should start his parental social life as he means to go on with people that would see sense in taking the babies somewhere child orientated or at least less adult orientated. DD's dad probably doesn't know any parents with this philosophy though and so I am making life hard for him.

I said even a pub that served food where they took the babies for tea would be more acceptable.

Am I being an arse?

I think it depends on the type of pub and the father's intention of what he will do when he is there.

So, imo, "spit and sawdust" type pub while he has 6 pints and watches footie, no way. (even if the dcs are playing with lego and eating organic rice cakes or whatever)

If it is an awful "family" pub and adults are either having 1-2 alcoholic drinks (and not driving home) and possibly all are eating, then fine imo. (some of these pubs also have a soft play area etc)

Is "also of the pub culture" you trying to say that they are likely to be drinking a lot of pints or alcohol in some other form?

I think him taking a toddler to a familt friendly pub is perfectly fine. Dh and I take our DD to pubs and have done since she was a baby. Sometimes it is nice to meet up with friends in a pub and have something to eat and a drink.

Obviously it should only be for a short period of time if stuck indoors with no play area or garden to play in, and that the children need supervising properly. And needless to say that her dad is only haviing a couple of drinks and not drink driving.

But at the end of the day - he is her dad. Does he have parental responsibility? If so, then surely it is up to him where he takes her and what they do when he is in charge, so long as it is not putting her in any harm or at any risk?

DD's dad wouldn't drink more than a pint with DD but he lives his social life in the pub, as did his dad, as does his brother. I find it a little sad but that is me being judgemental. The other guy I don't know, but I know both of them drink excessively if no DC present on a fairly regular occasion.

Hard to describe...DD's dad is not totally irresponsible but likes to have a drink and feels entitled to as his reward for hard work and sometimes a drink is what blurs the judgement so it's a vicious circle. He wouldn't compromise her safety but may not consider her needs when deciding what is the best play environment.

To me this is too focused on his needs not hers. And that is too familiar where he is concerned iyswim.

I said that to him Hula, about not having ultimate say in the matter but that I'd hope that he would share my view that he could find somewhere better to take the children.

I wouldn't mind so much if this was amidst a variety of types of outing with her but so far when on his own he has taken DD to the bank, and the pub.

I need him to change, he has agreed he wants to so I feel that giving the nod on this is condoning parenting that could be improved greatly.

He has little idea on how to get down to DD's level and only seems to come up with ideas to cart her along to something he'd like to do ALL the time.

I wouldn't allow it at all. There are better things to do that sit in a pub while your dad drinks beer and grunts at his mate.

And can you imagine the raised eyebrows at school? "What do you do for fun, Little Jemima?" "We go to the pub and watch daddy drink beer, Mrs Teacher"

We regularly take our children to nice pubs and restaurants. It's enjoyable to sit and chat with friends and they're often more spacious than coffee shops. Could your partner find one with a soft play attached? Try searching Brewsters or Wacky Warehouse. Then kids can have a play too

I think I need to clarify that for me there are two issues here. Firstly the general suitability of the venue and secondly the agreement between DD's dad and I that he will try and let go of the pub socialising a bit and be more of a, um, parenty parent.

I lik eeating out at a pub - we took DC for roast and I had a glass of wine with meal on Sunday. This is more like 2 men want to get togetehr with DC, said men have no inclination to do something baby orientated so take DC to their fave place which is the pub.

Still undecided whetehr I am right or wrong.

Got to bath DC now but hope to come back to some further opinions. :)

Does he need other ideas about where to take her or would this not go down well? For example, I work shifts so my dh knows of loads of places to take dcs (park, soft play, visit friends, cafe for a drink/cake etc etc). Perhaps a daddy that due to circumstances has been less hands-on may need some ideas?

fwiw we do take the dcs to the pub but for a family meal and afaik he has never taken them by himself just to have a pint or two with a mate.

I think your gut instincts are right. We've taken the kids to the odd (family friendly) pub for a meal, or in the summer to meet friends for a quick drink while the kids can play outside (always one of us not drinking though). But if I was meeting a friend during the day with the kids I wouldn't think of suggesting the pub! And if I was solely in charge of the kids I wouldn't have a drink. It's not relaxing for the adult and it's not fun for the child!

Agree he maybe just needs some guidance - can't they take the kids to the playground/walk round the park/swimming/soft play? I agree it's not going to be much fun for your DD if there is no specific play area - playing with toys on the floor of a pub will not be fun for long. Can't you point out to him she is likely to get bored and therefore misbehave?

Perhaps they could make more of a day of it - take the kids to a specific child-friendly activity and then go to the pub for lunch?