isolated in the playground

[chipkid]

My Ds started reception in September. It all started well-he made a friend quite quickly and settled in happily. He now tells me that he has no-one to play with in the playground and the other children run away from him (he likes to play imaginary games like power rangers and can become quite rough). Anyone any suggestions as to how I can best deal with this-it is heart-rending!

I think the first thing I would do is have a word with the teachers to make sure that he really is as isolated as you think he is. Sometimes children at this age tell you about one particular incident but treat it as if it happens all the time when in fact it was a one-off.

You could also ask the teacher whether it really is his rough behaviour that's making the other children wary of him, or if they have any other ideas what could be causing it. If he is being too rough, and they're avoiding him because of it, then all you can do is tell him that you know that he's only playing but the other children don't and he's frightening them a little bit. Tell him that the other children aren't running away from him because they don't like him, they're running away because he's a little bit rough and if he plays more gently for a while, then they might play with him a bit more.

I hope you can sort something out; it's one of those things that we always hope won't happen to our children, isn't it.

Have no experience of this but would suggest having a word with the teacher and perhaps invite his original friend home to play, in order to develop the friendship. I can imagine how heart-rending it must be for you, but if ds is happy playing by himself then try not to worry too much.

At nursery-ds was one of a group of boys who liked to play rough,loud and boisterous games-the friend that he originally made was a quiet and gentle boy. I had a feeling that ds may prove too much for him! difficult to know how much of a problem this is-he is clearly anxious about something because when he comes home from school his behaviour is off the map! yet he goes into school happily enough in the morning! I guess he is learning an important lesson about how to treat others but I am scared that in the process he will end up lonely!

I had this with my son who has just started in yr 1. he toldme no one wants to play with him because he's naughty to them.

When i asked DD yr4 if he's on his own in the playground. She replied no he's always with his friends.

take it seriously, but maybe don;t believe 100% if you get what i mean.

thanks for that mumofthreebeauties-I do try and take some of the stuff he says with a pinch of salt (he told me one day after nursery when he was 3 that his nursery carer had stabbed him with a fork and made a hole in his jumper!!!!-not true of course)-have parents evening next week-will mention it to the teacher then and get her views on this.

Suggest you arrange some playdates so your ds can form relationships outside school (with you around to mediate/intervene if he becomes bossy or rough in his play). Hopefully those relationships will then translate back to school so he doesn't feel isolated and excluded.

Definitely have a word with the teacher, and also see if the playground supervisor can do anything to help him to play with others who like the same games?

To repeat what WWB said, speak to his teacher first. DS1 went through exactly the same when he started reception. Because he didn't know anyone, he had to start playing with children he didn't yet know. He was telling me he sat on his own at playtime, nobody wanted to play with him etc... I would be breaking my heart listening to him

I spoke to his teacher who just laughed, he was playing with friends all the time!

Please speak to teacher first!

have seriously considered the playdate route-difficulty is that he is so wild when I get him out of school-he often needs time to himself to wind down before he is capable of playing/conversing nicely! He is a real handful at times! Am I being too negative? I should add that he is the youngest in his class-turned 4 in July, the majority of his class are 5 now or almost 5

My DD told me that she hadn't spoken to her teacher at all since the beginning of term because she still finds it all a bit new - went along to her parents evening last night and apparently she talks to the teacher and the class quite happily! I really think a word with the school will help...

chipkid - if he's too wild for a playdate when he's just out of school, could you invite someone over for tea? Or make a weekend plan with a classmate? What about doing something over half term?

I think if you could shepherd him through this, you could teach him appropriate behaviour, nip other behaviour in the bud, and perhaps sow seeds for a friendship that continues at school.

thanks earlybird-tonight after school I met up with a friend of ds in a neutral place to see how we got on-this was a friend that ds has had all his life. He actually played really nicely and although slightly hyper-it worked well. Maybe I will try a neutral venue with a school friend over half-term. Ds appeared quite happy after school today-although if any names of other children are mentioned he always says "he is not very nice to me"!! Ds is however unable to elaborate on this so I am wondering whether there is any truth in any of this.