Does a big age gap (7-9 years) between 2 siblings and a baby work ?

[LADYBOAK]

I have 2 dcs, 4 and 7 and I have decided lately that I would like to have another one in 2 or 3 years time when I'm in better financial place, our own house etc..Do you have any experience of that ?

I have one biological child of 9, one step-child of 11 and an 11 month old baby. I find it works well. The older ones can pretty much square themselves away with tidying their rooms etc, so I have time for the little one. There was a bedding in period when we had problems with my son (he is the one of the older that permanently lives with us) but that was quickly sorted.

Ds1 was 10 and DS2 was 6 when we had DD.

It has ben fabulous. They don't compete for the same attention. The boys dote on DD and helped me right from the start.
DS1 walks DD to school once a week and babysits now. He gives her advice and they talk about stuff.

The only down side is approaching. DD is going to miss him terribly when he leaves to go to uni.

Everything else was wonderful

I grew up in a house like that. I'm the oldest, next is 18 mo younger and then a 6 1/2 year gap to the youngest. There are obviously pros and cons.

My mum thinks it was wonderful. She really enjoyed having DC3 and felt is was a wonderful experience for the whole family. Certainly DC3 had a lot of advantages growing up that me and DC2 didn't have. My parents were older, more experienced parents and also in a much better financial position. DC3 also had 2 older siblings who, even if we didn't get on all the time, were around and give her experiences that we could never have. In some ways just being around older children gives the younger ones quite a boost.

But DC3 was lonely a lot of the time - especially when me and DC2 had left home. She had a lot of time when she was effectively an only child but one who had had the experience of siblings. She missed having a busy, bustling home. She missed having older children around all the time. I also think DC2 had quite a hard time of it after being the youngest for so long. It has taken a very long time for DC2 and DC3 to be friends. The 2 years when I had left home but before DC2 left were very, very volatile.

I'm not really sure what else to write. I wouldn't purposely have just one child on their own after a big gap - but then my parents didn't do it on purpose either. They tried for DC4 but it just didn't happen.

We have a 2-tier family, DS1 was 12 and DD1 was 8 when DD2 came along. It worked brilliantly and the older ones doted on their baby sister. Now, DD1&2 are extremely close and the younger girl adores her big sister.

We then followed it up with DS2 a couple of years later and it's nice for DD2 to have a sibling closer in age to herself. We've also really enjoyed doing it all again as we were so young when we had our eldest 2. I do sometimes torture myself with thoughts of how easy life would be with just the older 2 though as the sleepless nights are becoming a real struggle the older I get!

I'm also dreading when DD1 leaves for Uni as DD2 will be heartbroken if they continue to be as close as they are now :(

But, by and large, I think having a gap (in which we never intended to have any more children) has been the making of us as a family, it has brought us all so much closer together and I love it :o

My mum says it is like having all the bad bits of siblings and of only children - she had to amuse a small child AND teenagers at once, when the older ones were ready for adventure/beach holidays, she still needed kids stuff for the baby (oh, and she still was called "the baby" by the entire family, until she was 14 and I got pregnant). She says it was a really bad idea.

But then my mum also says that having her children so young was awful, that she threw her life away, she'll never get those years back, etc. She was 22, married, in a secure job and owning a house when she had her eldest- hardly a gymslip mum.

So take what my mum says with a pinch of salt :)

Having been part of a sibling group like that (we were 8 and 6 when my youngest sister was born, all girls) I would probably go for "batches" of children - ie two older, gap, then two younger. Poor baby sister is about to go to uni and has the expectations of parents, older sisters and even a brother in law on her shoulders now- could be better for her if she had someone to share that with.

Did give me an excuse to play with dolls well into my teens though

My DH was seven years ypunger than his brother. He fell apart when his brother went to uni. He wouldnt recommend it. Not just for the uni thing but because at times he felt his brother was more like a dad then a brother. Never been that close as brothers.

I was 12 and my sister was 9 when my little sister came along. We had to draw up a rota of baby duties as me and my middle sis argued over whose turn it was to do the nappes etc.

However, I left to go to Uni when baby sis was just 6 and was pretty much absent when she did her growing up. I now don't really know her at all - she sees me more as a 'mother figure' and doesn't confide in me at all. A shame really.

Pros and cons like any age gap I guess.

I'm from a family of 3, I was the middle one with 2 brothers, one 4.5 older than me and the other one 5 years and I really didnt enjoy it that is why I'm not sure if I want a 3rd one, I love the idea of a having a 3rd one but also scared. How do I make a decision ?? DH was supposed to have a vasectomy this week but the idea made me sick even tought I was 100 % sure before I wanted him to be sterilized !