"I wish you were dead . . . "

[knackered76]

These are currently my son's favourite words, he's 4. I know why he says it, it because he is angry at me for telling him off for something or because he can't have his own way but it's now beginning to wear me down. I ignore it because I know he has no concept of what it actually means but the more he says it the more it begins to hurt. He's just spent the last minute shouting it at me as I told him it was rude to blow raspberry in my face. Recently he has been such a handful at times with rudeness, not listening, etc. I know it's all usual behaviour but it's really starting to get to me. My third is due in 4 months and I can't help wondering how on earth I'm going to cope if he is still being such a nightmare at times. Sorry for the self indulgent post, just feeling very sorry for myself :(

It's really hard, isn't it, to rise above it and not let yourself be hurt by it.
My dd (5) went through a phase the week before last and before that of telling me to go away, scowling at me whenever she saw me and explaining to me that she has been doing nice things with dh and just doesn't want me around. It really got to me even though I kept telling myself she's the child and I'm the adult and I have to behave like one! :) I still felt really hurt and like I was failing her because if I'd been a better mum, she would want to have me around!
Now, we seem to be coming out of the phase again. I just kept telling her "well, even if you don't want to see me, I love you and want to see you" (which enraged her even more). I kept trying to engage her in play - i.e. kept trying to think of things which might just catch her imagination and get us a few minutes of "nice time" together - not bickering or her doing something to be naughty or me telling her off. I believe that this is the only way - to maximise the fun you have together and so minimise the bad bits. But to be quite honest, I think the phase just passed... (hoping I've not spoken too soon!). Good luck and hang in there. It is really hard.

Your post is completely understandable! My DS is nearly 4 and going through a difficult time too. We're finding the marbles in a jar thing quite helpful, he gets a marble in for every time he does something good and one taken out for doing something bad (eg. saying 'I wish you were dead' = one marble gone) He can buy a reward of his own choosing with a certain number of marbles (my DS is going to 'buy' a toy he wants with 20 marbles when he gets them). It's working well for us, might be worth a try. Hope it helps!

I love that idea Freddo, my ds is almost 5 and has at times been a complete PITA since he started school. I may try the marble thing.

Knackered - sorry I'm not offering much advice, if anything I would say don't show any reaction when he says it. The minute they see a reaction they know it's something they want to say more.

x

Google '4 year old testosterone surge' and You Will Understand

'Tis hard but it does pass until the next phase.

Awww OP... he doesn't understand what's he's saying, tough though it is to hear.

Sorry for the delay, been manically hectic the past few days .

Thanks so much for your kind words. I'm going to arm myself with a jar and marbles! On the plus side he hasn't said it for the past couple of days but that could be to do with the fact dh had a quiet word with him, without my knowledge, so that could have done the trick . . .. well until he comes out with the next thing!

Is it wrong to be slightly annoyed that dh had a word with him? Irrational I know but it annoys me that ds will apparently listen to him and not me .. . . .