anyone else in the same boat?!

[ocdmummy]

hello!
I'm a newbie here so I hope I'm posting in the right place.
Just looking for a bit of feedback/advice/personal experience with this one really........anything would probably help!!!
Anyway,I'll just cut to the chase.

I'm the mummy of a beautiful 26 month old girl and over the past year I have been wanting to add another little one to the family,unfortunately my want is not wanted by my husband!!even though he always said he wanted at least 2 children prior to having our first he has since changed his mind and says he doesn't 'need' anymore children. (thats not because we have the devil child or anything-shes actually very good!!LOL)
i'll not bore on with all the details about all the conversations we've had on this topic but i'm just wondering if anyone else has been or is in the same boat.......and will the urge for another child ever fade away!? (i do know how lucky i am to have a beautiful healthy little girl but i was an only child and it did get very lonely sometimes and i want my daughter to have a sibling)
Cheers xx

Can he say why he doesn't 'need' any more - is there something he can put his finger on (like it's going to be too expensive, he hates changing nappies, he doesn't like the whole being a parent and putting dd first thing or is missing his child-free life etc)? So that there is something that is concrete that you can deal with...

What was it that made him change from wanting a second to not wanting a second - was there something that was a change point or was it gradual?

Also - is he an only child or not - and thus does he have happy/sad memories of playing with siblings, not wanting siblings etc that might be colouring his view?

What does he say when you say that you still want another child as you had both agreed you wanted before - and how strong are your relative wants - would he leave you if you got pregnant again or would you be prepared to leave him to find someone else and have another child?

It's one thing for him to change his mind about something that doesn't affect you but this is something that is a big joint decision and he can't expect you just to do as you are told and accept his decision - it needs to be a joint thing and it doesn't sound like it is at the moment.

Would he be prepared to go to Relate or other counselling with you to discuss this further? I would have thought that if you don't have another child you will always regret it and end up resenting him, and finding yourself wondering about the child you never had. Does he even realise what a big deal this is for you?

Sorry, lots of questions but I think that you need to get to the bottom of why he has changed his mind and see what you can do to change him back or decide that you will cut your losses and go and seek another relationship to have another child in...

Hi zipzap,thanks for the response......lots of questions!!!!Ha!!I'll try and answer them for you!!!

He doesn't 'need' another child as our DD fulfills his needs entirely.
DD has been a pretty text book child from being concieved to present (we concieved in 6 weeks,only the usual complaints during the pregnancy,a labour lasting 90 mins!!!,sleeping through from 8 weeks etc etc shes nots prefect though she does have her moments!!)so i imagine (just like me) hes a tad worried that things won't go this well again!!
He doesn't think we can afford it (but who can!!???)
I take treatment for epilepsy and that in itself put a slight risk on the pregnancy/health of the baby and he's worried the next child could end up with 'problems' (taking higher doses of folic acid prior to and during the pregnancy does help though.....and its not a massive massive risk or else we wouldn't have 'risked' it first time round
)He wouldn't leave me if i 'fell' pregnant but i wouldn't/couldn't do that mainly as i have to take doctor prescribed folic acid for at least 12weeks prior to falling pregnant and so he'd know what i'd done.plus i want him to want to do it
He loves being a dad and is good at it (not night feeding etc though....he did have 'nightime deafness' and 'just never heard her!!'LOL!!)
The change of heart came pretty soon after she was born-but i dismissed it as more that he wasn't ready just like i wasn't.
He's not an only child,he's infact a quad!!!and he has soooooo many happy tales of family times.
He's scared incase we had a multiple (his dad is a twin and my nanna is a twin also!!)
when i say i want another child he just says he doesn't and he won't change his mind!he also says that if roles where reversed he'd just accept it as its the one who doesn't want the child that ultimately has the final say !?!
He's really not a complete arse!and i love him to bits,I wouldn't leave him just to fulfill my 'desire' with another man as thats not the family i want,i want my family with him.
he's not much of a heart to heart kinda guy so theres a greater chance of a snowball in hell then getting him to discuss this at councilling!!
i have been pushing the topic over the past month-mainly as DD is now 26 months and i don't want a really big age gap between the 2 of them......in an ideal world i would be well on my to having another already to be honest!maybe i should just let him 'stew' for a while now he knows how 'desperately' i want this and maybe a miracle will happen
Any thoughts!? X

Hi zipzap,thanks for the response......lots of questions!!!!Ha!!I'll try and answer them for you!!!

He doesn't 'need' another child as our DD fulfills his needs entirely.
DD has been a pretty text book child from being concieved to present (we concieved in 6 weeks,only the usual complaints during the pregnancy,a labour lasting 90 mins!!!,sleeping through from 8 weeks etc etc shes nots prefect though she does have her moments!!)so i imagine (just like me) hes a tad worried that things won't go this well again!!
He doesn't think we can afford it (but who can!!???)
I take treatment for epilepsy and that in itself put a slight risk on the pregnancy/health of the baby and he's worried the next child could end up with 'problems' (taking higher doses of folic acid prior to and during the pregnancy does help though.....and its not a massive massive risk or else we wouldn't have 'risked' it first time round
)He wouldn't leave me if i 'fell' pregnant but i wouldn't/couldn't do that mainly as i have to take doctor prescribed folic acid for at least 12weeks prior to falling pregnant and so he'd know what i'd done.plus i want him to want to do it
He loves being a dad and is good at it (not night feeding etc though....he did have 'nightime deafness' and 'just never heard her!!'LOL!!)
The change of heart came pretty soon after she was born-but i dismissed it as more that he wasn't ready just like i wasn't.
He's not an only child,he's infact a quad!!!and he has soooooo many happy tales of family times.
He's scared incase we had a multiple (his dad is a twin and my nanna is a twin also!!)
when i say i want another child he just says he doesn't and he won't change his mind!he also says that if roles where reversed he'd just accept it as its the one who doesn't want the child that ultimately has the final say !?!
He's really not a complete arse!and i love him to bits,I wouldn't leave him just to fulfill my 'desire' with another man as thats not the family i want,i want my family with him.
he's not much of a heart to heart kinda guy so theres a greater chance of a snowball in hell then getting him to discuss this at councilling!!
i have been pushing the topic over the past month-mainly as DD is now 26 months and i don't want a really big age gap between the 2 of them......in an ideal world i would be well on my to having another already to be honest!maybe i should just let him 'stew' for a while now he knows how 'desperately' i want this and maybe a miracle will happen
Any thoughts!? X