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Parenting

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Original poster

Holy Moly, it's started already.....

18 replies

bubbles12 · 02/02/2011 20:07

My DD is 3 and in the last day or so has asked me,
Where was I before I was in your tummy?
How did I get into your tummy?
Who made me?
How did you make me?

Of course I don't want to lie to her but at the age of 3 I am pretty sure that she does not need every detail.

Are there any wise MN's who have any pearls of wisdom for me?!

Any help much appreciated.

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zipzap · 02/02/2011 21:02

'special sort of grown up cuddle' is always quite a handy phrase at times like this...

as is concentrating on the growing bit rather than the getting in or out (mummy can share her food inside with the baby so it can grow nice and big and strong)

and then 'did you know that chickens don't have babies? They have eggs and the baby chicks come out of the eggs!!! What do you think chickens like to eat? What are chickens favourite games?' etc and divert off onto a whole different topic of conversation

whomovedmychocolate · 02/02/2011 21:06

Oh DD asked at that age. We talked about seeds daddy plants which grew in my tummy into a baby. That was enough for her age. Now she is four however, we have questions like 'so this seed then, it goes into an egg - like a dippy egg that I have for lunch?'

Mind you she still believes the reason I have two scars on my tummy is that she came out of one and DS came out the other when the doctor fetched them out. (Actually sort of true, one was a hernia repair after my second section)

Takver · 02/02/2011 21:07

There's an excellent book called 'How Did I begin?' that might help.

You could read it through first and pick out the most appropriate bits, & then look through it with her.

It also talks about interesting things like how twins happen (my dd liked this when she was little as she has very good friends who are twins.)

TBH I think its much better to talk about the facts of life younger rather than older - that way you get in there before they hear any alarming and/or confusing stuff from their friends . . .

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Carrotsandcelery · 02/02/2011 21:08

I told both of mine the truth but only answered exactly what they asked and no more. Kept it very casual. We did the daddy planted a seed routine too.

superdeeduper · 02/02/2011 22:50

I used the seed story too however DD (nearly 4) was recently asking how you get the babies out. After trying a "its a special kind of magic that only grown-ups know about" story, she turned and said "they come out your bum don't they"!

Rindercella · 02/02/2011 23:19

I was chatting with my old neighbour a couple of years ago about childbirth and her son was there. She said something about her CS and turned to her DS and said "DS, you came out of my tummy - it was all a bit of an emergency". Her DS then of course asked where did babies normally come out of if not the tummy.

I can handle the 3/4 year old chats about this. I am dreading the day when I will need to go into the ins and outs (arf) of it all.

Original poster

bubbles12 · 03/02/2011 08:11

Thanks all for your responses. My sis in law tried the 'special cuddle' line but her twins then asked them to show them! Swift change of tactic from them!

Will go with the seed from Daddy line and try to divert away from giving too much detail at this stage.

Was a bit of a tumbleweed moment in our house too when she asked about how she got out - luckily she got bored with me trying to think of an answer and went off to play Peppa Pig (thank god for that game!)

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Simic · 03/02/2011 08:34

I showed dd a book which I had when I was pregnant which showed real photos of a birth. She was really interested and it definitely answered all questions - after all, I think a birth is a really amazing thing and nothing to hide from children. I talked to her then about how I felt when she was born: how I was so amazed that a baby could really have come out of my tummy and be her very own person, unlike any other person but unique and just herself and how I wanted to look after her and protect her and how I couldn't believe how wonderful she is and how I just felt so full of love for her - "and do you know what, I still do"...
It was quite a special chat for the two of us!

Original poster

bubbles12 · 03/02/2011 09:09

That sounds really lovely Simic - was your daughter the same age as mine (3) or a bit older?

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thumbdabwitch · 03/02/2011 09:15

good grief - I really hope that Ds doesn't ask about that just yet! Mind you, he's not prone to asking difficult questions yet, despite being 3.
Fingers crossed this continues a while yet...

Simic · 03/02/2011 10:30

Dd started looking at this book about pregnancy and birth when ds was born when she was 3.
But just the other day (she's now 5) she got it out again and we had the same talk again (this is probably why I thought of it when I read your post!).
I think though that she understood it all when she was three.

Simic · 03/02/2011 10:37

By the way, I just read back through the thread and about the children commenting on the baby "coming out of your bum". The photos in my book were taken from between the mother's legs of the head coming out from the vagina - and it was a series of photos ... up to the point of the body coming out (no placenta!). So I think my dd knows more than many 60 year old men do about birth!!! :)
I must say, ds, now 2, also loves looking at our books for children on babies. I am adamant that he will never become a big brother but he loves babies and loves hearing about how he was born.

Simic · 03/02/2011 10:40

Sorry, it's me again. I was just remembering how our neighbour's dd1 said to dd2 when looking at some photos: "When that photo was taken you were just a sperm swimming around in Daddy's testicles!"
So much for being open and complete with them at a young age!

Carrotsandcelery · 03/02/2011 10:54

Simic I agree with your philosophy. Just tell them, at that age it is just fascinating biology. Otherwise it seems a bit like a dirty secret.
I am so glad I have taken this approach as now my dd is 9 and we are discussing puberty. I got her the Usborne "What is Happening To Me " book (the pink one for girls). Because I have always been open and honest she knew a good deal about periods etc anyway but we have been having lots of very open and relaxed conversations about it all. If she has a question she feels she can ask it and I can answer it without embarrassment.
Surely this makes the whole process much less stressful and frightening for her, as well as me. It makes me feel we have a good bond and I hope and pray this openess continues. I know it is a long shot once she is a teenager but I won't give up hope.

CilantroLarry · 03/02/2011 10:59

DD is 3 and has known for a long time where babies come from (she has lived on a farm for most of her life!).

I've just answered questions honestly. She is often in trouble for telling her 9yr old cousin the facts of life (sil prefers storks and fairies and special cuddles to facts). DD will lecture you on how you're born with all your eggs and where your womb is and what an umbilical cord is.

I'm happy to be completely open with her and her fascination with reproduction is no different to her fascination with biology in general (her human body book is her best loved thing in the world) but it does shock people sometimes when she randomly announces on the bus every fact she can remember about sperm.

ruddynorah · 03/02/2011 11:01

When Dd was 3 and I was pregnant with ds she used to watch all the birth programmes on home and health with me. So she knows exactly how babies are.born.

Simic · 03/02/2011 11:12

I can remember when I was about 6 I was embarrassed about my game thinking up names which I would give my baby when I was a grown up and had a baby of my own. I sort of sensed that there was something improper about the whole thing and improper about me, a child, thinking with pleasure about the possibility of me having a baby when I grew up. But the other day, dd said how she would really like to have a baby of her own when she's a grown up and she said it with real warmth and excitement. I am glad that she can see it as something lovely and that she can look forward to and not something "wrong" or "rude" or somehow improper.

Original poster

bubbles12 · 03/02/2011 17:30

You are so right.
Why is it that we (well me really)worry about what to say in answer to these questions when we would answer any other question factually but at a childs level.

Ok, am feeling a bit more prepared. Sod's law she won't ask again for a couple of years now

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