please help my 2 yo hits me and last night I hit him back...

[bearhug]

I really really don't want to hit him again, so please give me some ideas of how to deal with this effectively.

Most of the time he is a delightful child, fun to be with, 'helps' with cooking, loves reading books, building bricks, drawing, and doing the usual testing of limits of course.

He seems to have found my and DP's weak spots though. He upsets DP by refusing to kiss him goodnight, and me by hitting me in the face.

I can deal with most situations calmly, but find this hitting me really hard to deal with. I sort of know he is only 2 and doesn't really understand, but my instant response is wanting to hit him back. Until last night I managed to stop myself in time. Last night I slapped his leg, hard enough to make it go red. This is not the sort of parent I want to be.

is there anyway you can put him somewhere safe to give you a chance to cool down before you deal with him?

I think you know what you need to do. He is only 2 and isnt a stage of behaviour most go though. If it happens again, take a breath and walk out. You are the adult and you are in control. You can do it. You know how wrong it is, please dont let it happen again.

and stop taking teh hitting personally. he doesn't do it because he thinks you deserve it. he does it because he is 2 and he gets frustrated.

First, if he does not want to kiss your DP goodnight, then he should not be forced to. It is in no way a sign that he does not love his daddy, he does. But he does not want to kiss him. Tell your DP not to take this to heart. My son was like this when he was younger, and now has a great, close relationship with my DH.

Then. When he hits, tell him "No. We don't hit" and then turn away from him.

He is provoking you to see what reaction he gets. Don't give him one. Always the same response, don't tell him that it hurts mummy, and it makes mummy sad or anything like that - he is too young to feel empathy yet.

If need be, leave the room for a moment (if you can without leaving him in danger) or turn your back and count to ten.

Thanks so much for your responses. It's hard not to take these things personally but I do know you are righ ohfor.

MmeLindt you are also right of course, its my response which has the entertainment value. I will work on giving him a consistent and boring response!

(I certainly wouldn't dream of forcing him to kiss anybody - not sure how you could anyway...)

I meant the "Oh, give Granny a little kissy, just a little tiny one or Granny will be soooo sad, oh poor Granny is sad, she is crying because she wants a kissy" kind of forcing to kiss. Not physically forcing. Sorry, worded that badly.

Have you tried time out? If ds pushes or hits he goes straight onto the time-out step. It gives us both chance to calm down and I feel like I'm taking action without actually getting physical with him.