DS in trouble at nursery

[Stitchwort]

My DS (2.5) has been pushing, hitting and biting other children at nursery.
He has always been boisterous and at home he constantly jumps on and rugby tackles his older brother (4).
He started playing up at nursery about 8 months ago but then improved significantly about 6 months ago, however has started again in last few weeks.
Nursery spoke to me today to tell me it has got really bad, one child doesn't want to come to nursery because of him, he is sitting on own to eat so he doesn't hit others and the other children flinch when he tries to say sorry as they think he will hit them.
This is obviously horrible to hear as he is a very sweet little boy.
Nursery put him on time out and talk to him then make him apologies, which is what we do at home, but this doesn't stop him doing it again 10 mins later.
It is not totally unprovoked attacks, he seems to do it if he feels someone has taken something that's his or has something he wants (He tends to bite as a way to make them let go), sometimes it seems to be high spirits (rather than malicious). It seems to be a reaction rather than a thought out thing.

Question is Nursery seems to want me to come up with a solution or a plan of action. They have suggested keeping a diary so I can see what he does (they did this before and was horrible to read)

What can I suggest and how can we try and get him out of habit?

Any advice welcome, thanks!

Not sure the nursery are handling it very well. Why on earth did they tell you another child was scared .

TBH they should be coming up with a plan of action. They are the ones in charge during the daytime and they are professionals so they must have experience of it in the past.

My DS had a rough patch at nursery in Sept / Oct and I just spoke to the staff at the end of every day so we could figure out what was causing him to flare up. They suggested getting his hearing checked (was ok) and made him a sticker chart. He calmed down after a few weeks. Not for one moment did they suggest I would need to help them out though . The staff reassured me they were able to deal with it and if they suspected a bigger problem then they could contact the educational psychologist for advice.

it sounds to me like typical two year old boy behaviour
is it nursery as in childcare or preschool as in just before school sort of thing
if he doesn't need to go I'd take him out

yes, sorry. I should have added that he doesn't sound badly behaved really. Much the same as my 2.5yo DD.

I have no advice but I wanted to sympathise with you - the thought of your DS2 eating dinner by himself is very

My DS2 is 2.2 and tbh, I can see that he could be very similar in a few months time - again, because he has an older brother (also 4) and they are constantly tackling, wrestling etc and just generally being giddy - they both giggle their heads off so don't particularly want them to stop it! Whilst I don't think he does this at nursery yet, I am sure he will and how do I explain that it is ok to do at home with his bigger, more robust brother but not to children his own age??

I do agree that the nursery should be working with you to tackle it and not isolating your DS.

Sorry, can't be of much help.

compo - it doesnot sound like normal 2 year behaviour. No offence to the OP but I wouldn't like my child hit at nursery.

However nursery need to be more pro-active. If they cannot control him they need advice or you need to be looking for a new nursery. He needs to leran kind hands. He needs to have postive rewards frequently and consistency. He needs a star chart with a reward every day to start with. He needs an adult to be playing with him to model expected behaviour and prevent any problems before the start

I would imagine that nursery are looking to work with you on a plan of action to manage his behaviour. I think the diary is a good idea as long as nursery use it too, then you and they can identify triggers and use distraction techniques. He obviously needs help with social interaction. I would advise trying to tone down the roughhousing with his brother until this issue is under control.

has anything chaned recently to cause him to revert back - new baby, some died, new adult at nursery etc etc?

I'd say it sounds fairly normal behaviour. I think most children will go through a phase of pushing/snatching/hitting at one stage or another. We've been told before now that ds has hit someone,then another time he'll come home and be the one that's been hit! As it's happening at nursery it's up to them to deal with it there-just make sure you follow it through and are consistent at home. Out of interest is your ds in a confined space at nursery? My ds is very energetic and is much better behaved in general when he has more space/can flow from room to room.

I am a bit surprised to read that so many people seem to think that it is normal behaviour. I don't think so. I think it is not normal and it needs to be addressed through a unified approach by the nursery and yourself. He has to learn that hitting/biting etc is totally unacceptable behaviour and that doing so has consequences. Reward chart sounds a very good idea if it can be co-ordinated with nursery. Hope he improves soon.

Thanks all, it is very reassuring to hear other children been through similar stage, emphasis on the through!

I do agree it needs dealing with, I have no wish to have a little boy who hits and I feel awful for the other parents.

I had a good chat to nursery today and have suggested the sticker chart (thanks Meglet)so that it is not all negative, they agreed it was a good idea. They have also used the "mummy wants you to be good" line which apparently helped.

I am being tough on the rough and tumble at home as it is one sided, but is hard to get there in time and he doesn't seem to think it's being naughty as such as he enjoys it (older brother doesn't)

Still need to try and teach him a different way to react when there is a disagreement over a toy (this is when the hitting happens)

But he has been a good boy today and so feeling a lot more positive