Can 3yos be bullies? Ds being emotionally bullied by his 'best' friend

[HoegaardenHappiness]

I thought three would be too young but Ds's best friend seems practise two behaviours. First he winds Ds up until he lashes out. Then the friend complains to teacher / mum / me. (This has been noticed by the teacher and other mum, not just me).

Second, he has started telling Ds that 'You're not my friend anymore'. Ds is quietly devastated and it really affects his mood and behaviour.

Then after a few days it's back to normal.

I am not sure what to do as they are so young. Plus it's not really the best friend's fault. I think he is an extremely intelligent boy and is feeling bad due to a situation at home. Making Ds feel bad makes him feel better, IYSWIM.

or maybe I am over-thinking it? Has anyone else had this?

'You are not my friend anymore' is standard stuff for three year olds, ime. They don't have the sophistication to differentiate not liking what someone is doing with not being a friend. They grow out of saying it.

If you don't like the way your DS behaves while he is with the friend (lashing out), I would talk to him about different ways to react. I would also keep a close watch and intervene before it got to that point if I was around.

No, I don't think they can. They can be selfish, cruel little sods, but bullying is something more insidious.

"your not my freind anymore/not playing with me anymore/coming to my party" is all standard 3 yr old behaviour.

I have 3.5 yr old DS and he has 5 friends same age. Some say it and some don't.

Some tell tales and some don't.

My DS very rarley say's the first one and never seems to tell tales so im lucky.
He does love to wind up kids sometimes which is annoying.

He doesn't seem to get too upset if they say it to him so he isn't overly sensitive.

2 of the other boys are very sensitive though and when stuff like this is being said by the others these 2 in particular are soooo upset. Or the poor soles have my DS winding them up to add salt to the wound.

It's just personality's clashing im afraid.

souls

I think they can. My DD was being physically bullied by a boy at her school. She was always covered in little bruises. He was pinching her.
I saw him one day and told him that if I saw it again I'd snap his fingers off. He never tried to hurt her again.
Could the teacher have a chat about friendship? That is the way it has been done in the many schools that DD has attended.

I agree that it's a personality clash. I wonder is the other child really your DS's best friend? Perhaps they were once best friends but now they've developed further they don't get along so well.

I had a similar problem with DD and realised I'd been labelling the OC (other child, not sure about these abbreviations) her best friend when yes this had been the case in the past but seeing as now they do not get along at all and DD can verbally say she doesn't want to spend time with OC I've stopped using the label.

I also stopped making playdates with OC because I realised that for the past few months I had spent 90% of the play-dates sorting out their arguing, winding one another up, etc. DD isn't like this with any of her other friends and so I can only assume it's a personality clash.

kreecher - you said that to a 3 yr old?!

Yes Compo, I did. I am not proud of it, but my DD has always been small and weedy, he was at least 7 kilos bigger than her and really sly.

kreecher I like it .

If my DS or DD was coming home covered in bruises and I didn't think the parent, teacher was dealing with it. Damn right!

thank you for all the replies.

I have talked to the school and the teacher is aware. She doesn't see any issues and my Ds appears happy.

It is good to know that it is 'standard' behaviour.

I will stop worrying about it, and just avoid extra time with this child.