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Parenting

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Original poster

Other peopledriving/taking your child out

22 replies

bubbles1112 · 31/01/2011 18:14

How do people feel about this? I've never liked the idea of other people driving my dd or her being on outings without me (even hate school trips). Lots of people don't have a problem with this so I want to know if I'm alone. If other people do feel the same what do you say when youre faced with this situation?

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trixie123 · 31/01/2011 21:07

how old is your DD? Obviously it depends on who they're with and the situation.In terms of driving I always make sure I have shown them and watched them put the car seat in right. What s it exactly that you are worried about?

GypsyMoth · 31/01/2011 21:09

you've never liked the idea.....why? what have you done about it previously? and how old is dd?

Portofino · 31/01/2011 21:13

I don't like it either. Dd is nearly 7 and I feel nervous even if DH takes her to school in the car (very rare occurence). I tell myself to get a grip though. Dd's school does little trips and visits all the time. They don't always mention it in advance - only if they need money/packed lunch or something. You get more used to it as they get older.

Dd has been off on a couple of week long stays already. I think about her all the time and worry. She has a fabulous time though. Don't the statistics say that you are more likely to get injured in your own home?

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DurhamDurham · 31/01/2011 21:17

It would really depend on the age of your DD. If she's 3 I can sort of understand (however I had no such concerns when they were that age, I loved it when family and friends wanted to take them on fun days out!)

If they are at school I think you need to think carefully why you feel like you do. She will miss out on so much if she doesn't go on outings with her classmates. It's important that she builds up relationships and trust with other people. You can't keep her with you forever.

If it makes you feel any better, whenever I'm looking after my neices or friend's children I look after them v well. Much more careful and attentive than with my own two!

greedychops · 31/01/2011 21:18

Bubbles - have you known someone who has Been in an accident? I just ask cause my brothers best friend was killed in a car crash when he was 10 and my family have always been less keen than other people seem to be to use the car and have other people drive their dc around.

I personally would prefer nobody except me or dh to drive them but as pil look after them one day a week, I can't really ask them not to drive ever.

starrychime · 31/01/2011 21:22

I feel like this too - getting a bit more relaxed as time goes on though. DD is 7 and has been on loads of trips with school and holiday clubs - I'm usually a bit edgy then relax when I judge they're going to be back and think, well I would have heard by now if anything went wrong. All these folk taking them out will have had years of experience of doing it probably. I guess it's just a case of being convinced nobody knows or can look after DD as well as her mum - think this is a common feeling I do try and give advice - make sure your seatbelt is on, stay away from the edge of the pavement etc etc but I'm sure it goes in one ear and out the other!

kreecherlivesupstairs · 01/02/2011 07:19

I'm just glad to get rid of her TBH. Seriously, there are a couple of people who won't ever drive my DD around. My dad and FiL, neither of whom should be driving IMO.
If DD goes with someone else, I make sure she has her booster seat with her. If I am driving her and her friends around, I ensure they have their boosters and make sure they are strapped in.
Much less of an issue now she is 9.9.

Original poster

bubbles1112 · 01/02/2011 09:25

Thank you for the replies. My dd has just turned 6. I totally accept school trips happen and will happen and wouldn't dream of stopping her going. Just try not to think about her too much when she's on one!

I think my main worry is other people driving her. I have no reason to feel nervous about this. Maybe it's a feeling of if I'm with my children I will have the opportunity to protect them!

I wish I was more relaxed about it. It's horrible to feel so anxious and I must look a bit of a dork to the friends that want to take her out.
Parenting doesn't seem to get easier!

OP posts:

cory · 01/02/2011 09:31

Have answered on other thread. Basically, worrying the other parents/drivers with your fears would not make your dd's experience safer- so better not to. And you do know, don't you, that if there is a car crash when you are driving your own dd, then you will not be able to do anything to save her. Any more than you will be able to save herself. ou need to just train yourself to focus away from your fears. Tell yourself that I have done everything to keep her safe (e.g. made sure she brings booster seat), now I am not going to think about it.

TrillianAstra · 01/02/2011 09:31

I don't really get this.

I am a no-better-than-average driver. There are loads of people I know who are better drivers than me. So why wouldn't I trust them to drive something of mine that I cared about?

Unless you think they are very poor drivers or very negligent when it comes to car seats etc, it seems silly to me.

Original poster

bubbles1112 · 01/02/2011 09:34

Trillianastra...irrational worries/fears are silly! Doesn't mean they aren't worrying though.

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TrillianAstra · 01/02/2011 09:40

OK, as long as you know you are being silly :)

sneakapeak · 01/02/2011 10:11

I hate the idea of anyone driving mine.

I started a thread a few weeks ago as a mum at playgroup wanted to take my 3 yr old DS to hers for lunch - her driving and she is very scatty and non safety conscious to the point of ridiculous.

I agreed as I couldn't come up with an excuse and I know it's going to keep happening.

Her DS was ill on the planned day so it hasn't happened yet.

I just did the same, enquired there was a car seat for him and planned to sit with my stomach churning until he got home .

I have no advice but just to let you know you are not alone. You don't get anything more precious than your own kids so I think it is normal to feel nervous when you are out of your comfort zone.

sneakapeak · 01/02/2011 10:12

The day her DS was ill - he was in hospital because he fell off the LADDER they bought for his xmas!!

Original poster

bubbles1112 · 01/02/2011 11:16

Thanks sneak! I'm sure I'm neurotic but like you say, there's nothing more precious than your children. I think worrying is all part of parenting!

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ArsMamatoria · 01/02/2011 16:05

bubbles, I feel the same. It's about loss of control isn't it?

I hate being in a taxi (most cab drivers I have experienced are nutcases though) too.

Mind you I feel out of control when driving too - not in the sense that I'm a very bad driver, just worried that someone will come round the corner on the wrong side of the road and on the phone, or pull out without looking on the motorway.

I try not to let it interfere with our lives though, and just be sensible about who I let the DCs travel with.

BelieveInLife · 01/02/2011 18:01

Thought I'd walked into AIBU here! I feel the same, but I know it's a control issue.

I have had two bad car accidents in my life as a passenger and also was first on the scene to an accident a few years ago where the people were already dead.

LifeInTheSlowLane · 01/02/2011 18:07

I feel the same but I'm getting better. I have only just started driving again after quite a long break (10 years!) so I reckon they are probably safer with other people However, I won't let the DCs go in anyone else's car without a booster seat or in the front seat and sometimes get odd looks for insisting!

stretchmark · 01/02/2011 18:39

oh god so this feeling doesnt go away then?

my ds is only 15 months and the mil has asked to have him and i cant think of a nice way of saying no, but i just cant stand the thought 1, not knowing where he is at ANY given moment and 2, him being driven, crossing roads or anything else similar without me being there, i think its the having the opportunity to protect or those potential few minutes where he is in danger and i dont know...

I need to get a grip!!!!

2babyblues · 02/02/2011 10:34

I completely understand how you feel. I worry all the time about driving generally! I haven't been driving very long and I worry everytime I take them out and I only would really let them in cars of people I trust and know well. I also have a complete fear of driving other peoples kids, I have never really offered but a few times I have due to the parents asking me for a favour. I do kind of think I wouldn't ask a new driver to drive my kids around so am amazed people would ask me!!!

2babyblues · 02/02/2011 10:34

Me too, I need to get a grip!!!

spurs12345 · 05/02/2011 19:10

In general I dont mind my kids going out or being driven by another parent. As long as I know them Im fine but if I dont know them then I just make up an excuse. But to be honest with you now that my kids are getting older I dont mind them going to any of their friends houses anyway. You cant be overprotective of them forever. Obviously if you trust the person then thats fine but if the other person seems to be a dodgy driver then I would just make up an excuse anyway.

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