How do I become a stricter parent?

[Fiddledee]

I have become too lax with TV and food with the kids. Me and DH under alot of stress at the moment and I am shattered as sleeping very badly due to the stress. In a couple of months the stress around us will be resolved.

My two poor pre-schoolers get taken out alot but they watch too much TV and eat too many unhealthy snacks, especially my 2 year old. I'm just not very good at saying no and when I'm shattered I just can't bear the whining.

I have very little family help maybe a couple of hours once a month from MIL&PIL and DH works long hours and travels often. My mother died when I was young and I just don't feel like I've got a good idea what I should be like as a mother and setting boundaries.

Have you thought about a parenting class like PPP (can't remember what it stands for - Positive Parenting?). If you don't have the time or money for that, maybe a book that deals with the same stuff.

I think these classes use role plays to teach you how to react calmly but firmly in stressy situations rather than swinging between caving in and flipping out.

The thing about the whining is that it does stop after a while, if you are consistent about not giving in to it. But it's hard at first so you should maybe decide to start once the stress has reduced, if it's something you can clearly predict.

You need to stick to your guns. If you say something then don't give in.

In no particular order, things to think about/remember:

Don't be too hard on yourself.

Remember you can't change it all overnight.

Stop buying the unhealthiest things (or hide them in your wardrobe for adults after children in bed) so they just CAN'T snack on them.

Pick your battles.

Fill your fruit bowl and put it in a visible, accessible, enticing place.

This too shall pass.

Most kids watch too much TV, so long as its cbeebies rather than 18 rated films don't worry too much.

Aim for 'good enough' rather than 'perfect'.

My mother died when I was young too, I know what you mean about 'how to be a mother'. I am sure you are doing a lot better than you credit yourself for.

Good luck with the stress resolvement. It is ok to be a bit crap you know (hug).

Sorry to hear about your mother. My own mother was left widowed when I was 4 years old and she found it v hard to bring up a young child alone. Consequently I had no boundaries, ate loads of rubbish, tv was more or less unlimited (but much less childrens tv in those days) and not much discipline.

Luckily I grew into a well-adjusted adult so she must have been doing something right. But I found the discipline aspect of parenting v hard as I had no role model.

Look after yourself well at the moment, it sounds tough. When things are better and you are less tired and stressed, sit down and work out how much tv you are happy with your children watching and then stick to it. Same with the food. Don't buy too much rubbish, make sure you have plenty of fresh and dried fruit and bread. Lots of toast/bread with butter goes down well in our house with hungry children!

don't worry too much about telly. it is still winter. once the weather improves you can be in the garden all day.

keep crap food out the house. maybe do baking together? scones, muffins, etc.

That is interesting.

My mum died when I was young too and I am really not very good with discipline. My son has very few boundaries and nursery often make me feel like I'm not being strict enough with him.

I can't give you many good tips - just wanted to say you're not alone.

Don't be stricter, be more consistant.

Food: Get each preschooler a snack bowl and put the unhealthy snacks that you think is acceptable for the day in the bowl.
Buy lots of fruit: grapes, tinned fruit, pinapple, fruits that littlies are mor likely to eat. Add a few apples.

Allow then to choose what they're having from the fruit bowl when they want a snack. The unhealthy snacks are only offered when you choose to get them out nd then they get to choose one.

Don't put upo with the whining either. Tell them to speak not whine. If they don't comply tell them that this is the last time you'll ask them to speak and not whine. If you do have to tell them again, time out (1 min for each year). If they don't comply, time out.

Harsh! But if you stick to it, in a few days you'll get there. (It's a long few days, but worth it).

The kids do eat loads of fruit so they do eat good snacks too, bread and butter, crackers and cheese all feature. I did a couple of weeks of only making our own biscuits but the insomnia means I haven't had the energy.

Lack of outdoors and repeated illnesses is one of the reasons for too much TV. I'm also very bored of being at home with the kids after 4 years and being with them all the time.

I do think the lack of a mother role model is a hindrance. My MIL is the complete opposite to me and very controlling and very strict and I could never parent that way. Both kids are very well behaved and articulate despite my best efforts .