I need persuading

[Mishy1234]

I need persuading that 2 children is enough and adding another to the mix isn't the right thing to do. Thing is, it FEELS right. I don't feel like I'm done with 2 and there's a gap there IYSWIM.

There are loads of reasons why not.

• I'm currently 40 (will be 41 in July)
• I've already had 2 lots of mat leave close together (DS1 is nearly 3 and DS2 is 8 months)
• DS2 is still bf and I don't anticipate stopping until he's at least 2.
• Financially it would affect what our existing children could have e.g school fees
• Logistically having 3 children would be tough. We'd have to change our car, probably move house etc

This is NOT about having a girl btw. If I was to have another I would love to have another boy. I'm sure if I was younger then I wouldn't feel the same pressure. The chance to have another would be there for longer. I think I'm battling with the idea that it's a now or never scenario and I'm running out of time (if it hasn't run out already).

Please help me get over this. I'm spoiling DS2's babyhood by thinking about it.

Hi Mishy, didn't want to leave your post unanswered.

I went through a similar period of wanting another DC when my youngest was about 10-18 months. I think it is because they are just beginning to explore the world and everything is fun and exciting and as parents we find this equally adorable and sad as we know it may be the last time we will be watching it (or it could just be as simple as hormones, who knows!)

My DS is now coming up to 2 and I am reaping all the benefits associated with that. No more screaming (he can tell me what he wants), no highchairs/bibs or baby paraphernalia and most importantly more often than not a full night's sleep (Ahhh bliss!). It also means I am getting my life and my body back and the thought of another baby is

In my experience this feeling will pass and in the meantime try to enjoy those precious first's without feeling too glum.

You said you are still BF?

How often in the night?

Set your alarm clock for every 90 minutes. Relive the newborn hell that is establishing your supply for a few weeks.

See if it still seems like a good idea!

Joking aside. Maybe you do want another. Have you chatted to your other half about this? Does he feel the same? The reasons not to that you mentioned are all things you could cope with (age aside, I cannot predict if that will effect your success).

Oh dear,.. Only you and your husband can decide on this one.

I remember thinking I wanted another one after my two because I didn't want to accept my baby making days were finished. I didn't want to leave it too late ! As it turned out I did not have another because I couldn't make the final decision, which on reflection I am now pleased about.

It would be a shame to let this affect your realtionship with the two children you already have because they are young for so short a time.
Look at the positives of just having two becaue I think your heart is wanting another whilst your head is saying there is too much against it ?

By the way,... my daughter couldn't make her mind up after having 3 children whether to have another.... then she got pregnant accidentally,..and although she does not regret having the 4th ( how could you ??) it has really turned her life upside down having 3 children under the age of 7 and she has no time for anything other than children.

I feel for you - my DDs are 2.9 and 7 months and while I don't think I want another I'm not 100% sure and secretly think maybe when they're both at school I might want no.3 ... but I am 31 so have time on my side.

The one thing that puts me off is I feel I only have just enough time and energy for the two I have now, and can't imagine throwing another one into the mix!

I also look at them and think could I handle looking after these two at this age plus a 4-year-old at school, which is what would happen if I had the same age gap. The answer is always no!

Ive been the same since my 2nd was born too.

I literally couldn't sleep or settle for it and I would say it spoilt things a bit. DS is 3.5 and DD is 13 months.

I still feel it but not as bad. I can actually think about other things now.

Im hoping, like sleepdeprived I will just accept two as the right choice and move on but who knows, i've always been shocking for making final decisions then acting impulsivley .

I think it's just watching my beautiful little bundle in a babygrow making us laugh, giving us snuggly baby cuddles and doing so many cute things that I want to preserve this forever and can't.

I know deep down I WILL move on as I used to watch DS exactly the same way and feel dread of him growing up but you move on with them don't you.

I never (even before DD) sat and cried about the fact he wasn't who he was 6 months or a year ago so why would I with DD?

Im hoping time will calm the old hormones and broodiness for me because 3 is a whole different ball game as you say.

Your baby is only 8 months old so your hormones are very raw!!

I hear what you are saying about time but I suspect your maternal hormones are at work. You should really wait until he is at least 1 until you can really question if it's the third baby you want or if time clocks are freaking you out?

What I do is imagine getting DS ready for school, DD ready and a newborn. Strapping them all in to a car and getting out the door for 8.30am. Yip, always helps that one!

Then I take it a little further and imagine them at 15, 12.5 and 10, face tripping all of them demanding clothes irones, food, I pads and designer clobber whilst making sure im fully aware that I am infact a non entity in their lives. (is this helping)?