Teaching about sharing

[skewiff]

This is probably a stupid - very basic parenting question ...

But how do you encourage/ teach this?

My son is nearly 4 and is not bad at sharing alot of the time. But can be really posessive at others. For example - today we went to his really good friend's house and they shared the friend's toys all afternoon and then when it was time to leave my ds shouted at his friend for standing on his scooter. He kept shouting 'its mine - get off it - you can't have my scooter'.

I have brought ds home and given him talk all the way back about how he'll lose friends if he can't share and that you can't spend 3 hours sharing friend's toys and then shout at them for standing on your scooter.

It really did not seem to sink in so I then went to another level and said that ds's scooter would go in the loft for a week, until he'd had time to think about why it was not nice to shout at his friend.

DS cried hysterically and my husband suggested that we weren't really getting anywhere, so I brought the scooter out of the loft/cupboard and said he could have it downstairs, but if he refused to share it again it would go straight back in the loft for a week.

Is this going to work? Is it a really bad approach to teaching sharing??? I do feel that I am forcing him to share, which feels a bit wrong.

I think that if he is sharing most of the time then you are doing a good job. I think that it is hard to share the things you love.
I'm a fan of discussing consequences and giving kids a let out - so next time I would say at the time 'if you can't share x then x will go away for the rest of the day' That way the child has a choice iyswim.

In our house the rules are thus - if one thing is very special, then that one thing doesn't have to be shared - ie if said item is a comforter, a special teddy or such. If a particular item causes arguments then there is one warning before the item is put away.

Thank you wonderstuff.

How do I know/decide if the scooter is very special or if it is an item that causes arguments?

Ds does really like his scooter - but I've never seen him so possessive over it as he is with his bestest friend. (this may be because this friend is one of the few children that doesn't have his own scooter).

On the one hand I don't want to seem a wimp saying to his friend and friend's mum 'this is Samuel's one toy he doesn't have to share'.

On the other hand I don't want to cause ds deep distress by forcing him to share something that could be very dear to him.

I would either make them take turns with the scooter or not take the scooter to this friends house/ put it away before friend arrives to play at yours - I think big things like scooters have to go under the 'if it causes arguments no one gets to play' rule.

Small things like dolls/teddies/toy cars etc. can be classed as special don't have to share toys - I only allow one of these on any one day - dd doesn't like sharing her lucy doll today, which is fine because her friend doesn't want to share her panda teddy - both girls know not to make a grab for the others special toy.

That's really helpful.

I had already thought that I'd not take it to the friends house next time - and taking turns works when they're going down the road, but not when the friend is just standing on it as we're getting ready to leave. So I won't take it next time.

Thank you for making it clear which would be special and which controversial.

I really do not feel like a natural parent when it comes to arguments and sorting them out - so its very good to have it put so clearly by someone else.

Keep extra special toys out of the way during play dates.

I talk about taking turns with my kids. I give my kids the words they need to use 'please can i have a turn when you are finished' or 'you can have a turn when i am finished'if someone wants a toy he has.

If he refuses to share i would not make a big thing of it but at the same time say you are putting the toy away because he can't share.