How can I control my anger?

[feministmama]

I have occasional times when I really bellow at my children (6, 4 and a baby). They are lovely children who behave well most of the time, and rarely do anything really bad.

Mostly we have a happy life and things are good, but every now and again (maybe once a month, maybe a bit more) I find myself so stressed and angry that I scream at them. I've occasionally thrown something (not at them, but on the floor or at the wall), and it often ends up with everyone crying. I always apologise afterwards, and I always tell them that it was because I was stressed and tired, not because of anything particularly bad they did, but I worry about the effect it has on them.

I've never hit them, never smacked them, but I feel scared of what might happen in the future, since when I shout it seems to come out of nowhere, and it feels impossible to stop myself. What if I hit them one day? I couldn't forgive myself.

I'd really appreciate some advice to help me change things. Has anyone ever had those problems and managed to change their behaviour for the better?

rescue remedy taken morning lunch and tea time on the days you know you're going to feel like this. I have no idea if it actually works, or if it just reminds you not to be so damn grumpy, but it (generally) stops me blowing my top.

Is it PMT related? I only ask as you say onc per month?

Is there a trigger? For me, it is lateness, if I am rushing to get out and dd is playing me up. That is when I will shout (invariably) - I have never thrown things, but I have slammed doors on the way out of the room. Could you perhaps try something like that - whilst it will still upset your dd, I don't think it is as bad as throwing things - though I accept it is not great role modelling. I also make mysel - FORCE myself to whisper when I am incredibly angry. It comes out rather like a hiss, but surprisingly does help me get control of myself.

don't think it can be PMT related, since my periods haven't come back after the baby. I have trouble predicting when it will happen, since obviously dealing with two children and a baby every day causes regular stress, I'm stressed a lot, but I couldn't tell you what the difference is between days I shout and days I don't.

A couple of times recently I have left the room and gone to calm down for five minutes, talking to myself, reminding myself they're only little, they don't mean to upset me, they're just tired, etc. That has seemed to work. But you can only get the space to calm down if someone else is around to deal with them while you're elsewhere. Thanks for the tips, anyway.