2year old son hits, pinches... Really need advice.

[DorisDay111]

Hello there,

Thank you for opening my thread. I'd really appreciate some advice from experienced parents regarding my 2 year olds behaviour. For over 18 months he has been hitting, biting, pinching, pulling hair and kicking. He also has a tendnacy to be a bit of a grumpy child and screams when I try to take control of a bad situation with him . I've tried diffrent approaches to dealing with him ie: naughter stair, putting him in the cot until he has calmed down and I can talk to him; Being firm and saying "NO... We don't do that"; the softly, softly approach of "Hands of for being gentle..." Etc. I've even slapped the back of his hand (please, no advice regarding this.... I know it doesn't really help, but it was a desperate resort). I am just out of ways of dealing with this, and feel it has just had such a terrible effect on our homelife. I just feel so upset and sad about the way he is (which isn't made easier by the fact that my older so, now 7, was such a lovely affectionate baby and I didn't have to deal with any of this kind of thing. Unfortunately, my older son gets far less attention when the younger one is around... Guilt, guilt, guilt.

I am now a single mother and do not have very much support at all. I really need to nip this behaviour in the bud so I can get on with a simpler and happier homelife. I really am looking for some good, solid advice from tried and tested parenting practices. So please, I would really appreciate your time to share ideas.

Thank you.

Sorry you are having such a miserable time at the minute Doris.

This is a tough problem, and kid's who behave like this are often insecure. this ends up being a bit of a vicious cycle in my view, because others (adults and kids) are not particularly interested in playing with them because of their behaviour. This makes them feel more isolated and insecure.

In the end it becomes more and more of an attention seeking behaviour.

I don't think there are any magic bullets. It sounds like you are (mainly) doing the right stuff.

IMHO making time to do nice things with your sons, where you can all enjoy each other, will make everyone happier.

Play down the bad behaviour. In particular, if he hits or pinches another child or his brother, give the victim the attention they deserve. If he hits you, first make sure he sees you checking if you are OK, without giving him any eye contact. Then speak to him calmly about his behaviour.

Make sure you praise the good stuff and make sure he knows you love and like him even if you do not like the behaviour. Kids pay far more attention to being told off by someone who they know loves them.

Good luck.

Be firm! Say NO! and remove him to a place where he can't hurt himself or others. Then let him see you giving the child he has hurt attention. When he has calmed / after 2 minutes, bring him back and ask him to say sorry to the other child. It will just be a word to him at 2, but he will begin to understand soon enough.
You'll need to be on the ball though because as soon as you let it slide he might start acting up again.
Hyper praise the good stuff! Make him feel wonderful for doing something well and nicely, even if it's just the absence of bad.

It IS hard on your own, no doubt about it, but you need to be consistent or you'll just end up feeling worse.

You poor thing. It sounds like you're having a tough time. Firstly please don't beat yourself up about the little smack. I would never advocate smacking but I have done it twice with my son (not hard) but felt awful afterwards...in fact he put me on the naughty step!! I am certain we are not the only ones.

I agree that you have to try and ignore the bad behaviour (within reason of course) and praise the good behaviour. I used a reward chart with my little boy (the my big star chart from encourageandpraise.co.uk). I used it for potty training and eating issues mainly but there are stickers for other issues too plus blank ones that you can tailor to your own needs so you could do one for 'being kind to other children'/'good behaviour'/playing nicely etc...Each time he does particularly well give him a sticker and LOADS of praise. If he has a really good day give him a sticker at the end of it just for behaing well today etc..Then tell him once he has 10 stcikers he can choose a reward...a day out/small toy/extra bedtime stories...whatever you think will motivate him really.

I really hope things improve. My eldest is 4 and has always been such a sweet easy child and my youngest is one and so so feisty!! Maybe its just 2nd child syndrome! Good luck x

I agree with the other posters here re removal/time outs etc, praising good behaviour & the other kids etc

DD is largely a very sweet & affection child, but she can lash out with scratching, hitting, kicking, and to a lesser extent biting, when she gets in a 'fury'. Thankfully they don't last long.

In addition we've found a couple of little 'mottos' really useful:

Re biting (and also re putting inappropriate things in mouth) - "only food and drink goes into our mouths" - so if I see her trying to bite me (for example) I can say, "Is Mummy food" and she'll usually say "no" then I say, what do we put into our mouths? and She knows (or remembers) oh only food!!!

Best is a little mantra "no biting, no hitting, no kicking (etc) ONLY TICKLING" and we have a big tickle and laugh. She knows that back to front and it's helped - it's also a great diversion.

Also we talk about how DD would feel is she was hit/kicked etc - DD admits she wouldn't like it, so we talk about that, and talk about how DD wouldn't want to play with other kids who hit her - children don't like to play with children who hurt them etc.

Keep at it - it will improve.

My DS1 was like that when he was about two. Nothing helped, especially naughty step - would kick and bite and send himself happily to a naughty step!! Nobody understood why he did that because it didn't seem to relate with frustration etc. THe only thing that helped was me having him on my lap and talking to him as with an adult - explaining why not good to do this and that. He has stopped after few months.