Help me be a more positive mother to DS

[eastendmummy]

I have 2 DSs, DS1 almost 3 and DS2 10 months. I am SAHM but DS1 goes to a preschool twice a week.

My issues are with DS1. He's severely speech delayed, which we are working on with SLT and cranial osteopathy for his glue ear, but progress is painfully slow. I get so frustrated with him because although he understands everything I say, he ignores me a lot and simple things like dressing, teeth cleaning, not hitting his brother become things that I constantly have to battle with. Now I know that is normal with toddlers and I do try to pick my battles but his speech delay makes things so hard because the tough and tedious bits of the day are not offset by being able to speak with him about other nice, fun things.

He's a gorgeous boy, really funny, sweet and affectionate, but I just get so bloody cross and it's horrible for both of us and I feel guilty permanently especially as his speech is so slow to develop despite every intervention you could think of.

I don't know what I'm asking really, I just want to know how to approach things with him so that I can stay calmer and not let the little things make me cross. I want to be able to enjoy my time with him and not feel as though everything is so bloody hard! I just want him to say mummy but he can't

Thanks

i don't have any advice but i didnt want you to go unanswered. He will get there eventually and you just have to hang on in there. Hold on to your support network for dear life.

Thanks fandango75 - my DH, friends and family are my lifeline and they help keep me sane!

Have you noticed any improvement at all since seeing the SLT? Is his progress "normal" for a child with his difficulties? Sometimes it can be hard to see the wood for the trees IYKWIM.

While I imagine it must be very hard if you see fiends with children of a similar age who must seem so much further on - how does your DS interact with them? Is this kind of social contact beneficial for him? Would arranging lots of playdates be helpful for you and him do you think?

Poor you. Don't be too hard on yourself. You sound like you're trying so hard.

Are you using the cranial osteopathy to avoid grommets?

I don't have any advice specific to your situation, but I know when mine were around the same ages I struggled very hard with patience. A lot was down to tiredness and now dd2 is 20 months, those snapping points happen far less frequently.

Also reading lots of posts on here about the same thing helped, both knowing I wasn't alone in finding it hard to control myself, but picking up a couple of tips also - eg...
....imagine a camera crew/your dh/your mum (whoever works!) is in the room with you, and you find more reserves of patience;
....allow more time for dressing/getting out of the house etc, to help prevent the flashpoints;
....start recognising when you start losing patience and take deep breaths (I've done this with dd1 doing at the same time, worked a treat and we both found it hilarious in the end!), or simply leave the room. The more you do this, the earlier you start to recognise when things are about to get ugly.

Hope some of that helps... but ultimately you are not alone!

Thanks for the replies. I have a good but fairly small group of mum friends locally, and mainly because they've known DS1 since birth they are brilliant with him and he is comfortable in their company. The staff at his preschool love him and he's doing really well there so socially he's similar to his peers (maybe shy to start with, but once he's familiar with someone, he's himself).

I think his development is pretty normal - he is funny, plays well, can focus for quite a long time on one activity, loves books, music, colouring etc.. It's difficult though because speech is a measure of progress and he has so little that I sometimes wonder if he'll be left behind. When we do colours he can say a few words - yellow, green, blue and he can always select the colour you ask for. Counting has been harder though but we're working on it!

He's had one lot of grommets in May 2010 but they were not the miracle cure we had hoped for so the osteopath is helping with his ears and we're seeing some positive results.

I just want to wake up one day and be able to understand what he's desperately trying to tell me

That is such a shame re the grommets as it was a miracle cure for our DS. We found the cranial osteopathy had not helped him at all and delayed fitting the grommets for 6 months. Which in hindsight was the wrong thing to do for him.

His grommets have been in situ for over a year and have now come out. His hearing is poorly again and he is struggling to keep up in class.

have you thought about using Maketon sign language?

Was his ENT consultant able to tell you why grommets hadnt really helped?

We generally had an audilogy review after grommets and they could do a quick test to see whether fluid had built up in DS's ears again. Is it possible the grommets came out very soon after insertion? (happened to us).

He had a hearing test last Friday and is hearing well despite only one grommet in situ. His ENT who is a really respected Harley Street doc, said that reinserting the other one would not be beneficial to him.

I think he hears us perfectly well, but he has not benefitted from the early babble that babies normally do and his mouth muscles need strengthening which we are working on. He finds it hard to make the shapes necessary for the sounds to be clear. He's also a mouth breather so we're trying to teach him to use his nose. I've also cut out all dairy from his diet - I think he's intollerant judging from his stools, plus it's mucas producing so not great for him.

We are using some Makaton and I need to work harder on it with him - I just find it so hard to do it all with him plus actually look after DS2 who is 10 months, plus run the house etc.... Anyway, I need to stop the excuses!