new on here :) Please read :)

[gemzy11]

Hi all I am new to this I have a four month old son, and my daughter is nearly three, I am just looking for mums to talk to as I don't really know any, and I especially don't know many people from my area. . . I feel a bit isolated and feel this may be affecting my daughter, as I personally do not take her to the park although my partner does, I just suffer from confidence issues and I am unsure how to get over these, I do spend all my time with the kids, but don't go out with them unless another adult is with me.. I was just wondering if anyone had any advice for me.

Hi:)

Building up a network of local parents is really hard, but is so important. Have you had a look to see what is around locally - toddler groups, childrens' centres etc. My Health Visitor used to have a list.

If you find it hard to take the first step, it is often easier to find something organised, like a music group, or even a story time at the local library.

It took me months to pluck up the courage to go at first. I walked past a couple of times without going in. After a bit, i found that the best thing was just to talk to everyone I met (library, park, swimming pool, shops) and some people were actually really keen to chat.

I find the internet a bit of a lifeline as well - always someone to chat to on here. xxx

I would look into what toddler groups are out there, maybe something like Jo Jingles? www.jojingles.com/ It might well help you increase your confidence too.

Your library might have story time sessions for preschoolers which you go along to and when there you will probably see a list of toddler groups to consider.

Do you have a local soft play centre? Always a good place to go where you can sit and have a coffee while your dd has fun. By taking your ds, it might be easier to strike up a conversation with another mum there.

Hi,

I am also new on here and am in pretty much the same situation as you are. I have a 3 year old son and a 6 week old daughter.

I dont really have any friends who have children of similar ages to go out and do things with and I find it very hard to go out and meet people - I also suffer from confidence issues and find it very hard to meet new people, I'm not one of lifes natural people persons!

I keep thinking I really should go to some of the local baby groups but unless the other mums started talking to me I dont think I could start up a conversation with a stranger!

Sorry I dont have any advice for you, I just thought it might help to know you're not alone in feeling like this!

I'm always up for a chat if you are!

Hi,

In my area we have NCT coffee mornings which are such a good way of getting to know people - people hold them at their houses and you just go along for a cuppa and a chat. A bit daunting at first but an amazing way to get to know people. Have a look on the NCT website and search under 'In your area'. Also I agree with above on toddler groups, music groups etc. A lot of people are really friendly if you just make the smallest of first moves - like asking how old their children are - that old classic!

Hope this helps - it is really hard being a Mum of two under five and being isolated is not what you need on top of that...
If your confidence issues are really bad you could also talk to your doctor about getting some CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) that might help you feel more confident? Or just chatting on here may help too :)

hi ladies i have a dc who is 2 and moved to a new area last year where we don't know anyone.

I work 4 days a week and we take dc to the park / music playgroup / swimming etc on 3 days off then hubby take dc to other playgroups when he isn't at work (often works weekends and is off in the week) and we have a nanny 2 days a week who also does cerain groups etc).

We are sociable, friendly, confident etc and still 8 months after moving here..... we don't know any other parents. My point being even with throwing ourselves in there is no one to call at the weekends for DC to play with and me have a natter with while hubby works. All rather sad really. i don't think we're odd / smelly etc. Who knows! If you don't go to NCT in the area you now live it seems almost impenetrable. Join some playgroups, your lot might be friendlier (my lot all drive 4 x 4s and have swooshy hair)

Sorry to hear that fandango :(
Have you tried Mumsnet local? You might find some friendly types on there. I know what you mean about NCT but I'm sure there must be some Mums willing to make friends outside their 'inner circle'... surely?

i know odd isn't it. we have just moved up to a different group for music as dc is now 2 and they seem friendlier. Our neighbours etc are all lovely its just meeting the mums, all a bit off and have their sets of friends etc so unless new no one is interested. hubby and i have decided to be more chatty. DC has a whale of a time at all the groups (some are v structured so you cant actually chat to anyone) maybe thats the error and then the nanny goes to the more laid back ones just ourely due to the days the fall on. tried mn local and the nearest is the next town (where to be fair i do know someone with 2 kids and we went there monday and had a blast)

Hi gemzy, i would ditto the suggestion to try and push yourself to go out so you can meet more people. When you're out of the habit of going it may seem daunting but once you do go out you may feel the better for it?
Maybe try your local children's centre, they can be really good and hopefully you would be able to strike up some conversations with people. If you speak to the person incharge of the group about how you are feeling that might make extra effort introduce you to other mums there etc
Also if you just start taking them to the park, or places like library, wherever else and dont put pressure on yourself that you will have to speak to all the mums and make friends, you may just naturally end up chatting to some and also you will start recognising familiar faces that you see around here and there, which can help to break the ice if you have seen each other around?
also theres a meet a mum service on netmums aswel as mumsnet local so could be worth a try if you prefer to meet people 1-1 rather than going into a big new group (could even go together to a group with your new friend if it would seem less daunting)

Hi everyone thanks so much for all the advice, we did have a soft play area i used to take my daughter to but it closed down. She has been to the toddler group before with my cousin.. I just can't seem to make myself go i know it sounds immature and silly, but i really do struggle with these things.

If anyone would like to chat please feel free to message me anytime.

thanks :O

Do you have Home-STart in your area? Home-Start is a charity where volunteers come to you for a couple of hours a week to help out with all sorts of issues and one thing your Home-STart "friend" could do is to take you and the children to local groups eg Sure Start Centre, Mum and Baby etc to help ease your way in with a friendly face at first until you are confident enough to go on your own. HAve a look at www.Home-Start.org.uk