Has parenting really changed that dramatically in the last decade?

[sandyballs]

Blimey, reading all these posts and others on Mumsnet at the moment makes me realise how laid back me and DH were with our babies, although I didn't realise it at the time .

Some of you talk as though missing a bath and having a later night than usual, and mum and dad having a few drinks, would be the end of the world for your little ones. Or having a slightly different meal time or nap time. I sometimes feel sorry for the pressure you lot are under. My girls are nearly 10, surely things haven't changed that much in a decade?

Surely being so rigid with routines tends to make the babies/children less flexible as they get older, having been used to such strict routines.

I'm not being judgey or unkind, I'm genuinely interested. What will it be like for my girls when they become mothers!

I think there have always been people obsessed with routines and those who are more laid back. Certainly it was the case when my eldest (nearly 8) was a baby. I don't think it has changed. Horses for courses and all that.

My dc are 10, 3 and 1. I don't think much has changed other than the advice on weaning which has changed about 4 times since ds1...

Nah, things haven't changed, you just get more uptight and nervous parents posting on a parenting forum. Though even here, some of us are pretty laidback.

I found that routines are bad for all concerned!! Because there will be times they cannot be adhered to, and as you say ther's more chaos/tempers/confusion- so though there's a certain framework, I dont as such rate them so much.

I have 2 teen dcs.

Things have changed enormously.

This whole weaning business for one thing.

In my day you just did it when it felt right. In my dc's case about 10 weeks for ds and 12 weeks for dd.

Babies seem to stay in nappies longer and there is sooooo much more money about too.

Not being judgey - it's just my perspective.

My Mum tells me how different things wre when I was born. No-one discussed bf - it was considered animal-like so no-one round her way did it.

I never worried about missed baths and weaned at 22 and 27 weeks, then bf both till they were 15 months (they are 13 and 11 now)

I used a lot of second hand stuff, believing that real expenses are lying ahead :)
I remembrt then some articles with expensive bits ad pieces - useless most of the time.

I think for every post on MN about how important their structured routine is, you'll find just as many saying "Don't have a routine. Go with the flow!"

I don't think the "routine-followers" are any more prevalent than any other time. But I think there's a lot more polarisation - when I had DS, we didn't have internet, and baby-raising "gurus" were a rarity, so we just "muddled along" - a bit of advice from my mum, a bit from DHs mum, a bit from the midwife, the GP, the HVs, the other mums at our baby group, and we ended up with something which wokred for us (more or less) but wasn't based on any particular philosophy of baby care.

Nowadays, there seems to be a desire (on MN at least) to decide whether you are going to follow X or Y guru, A or B philosophy. And then you get anxious posts about what they ought to do in a situation, based on the philosophy/guru they have decided to follow. As if you have to "fit in" with one pigeon-hole or another.

I think that must add to the stress rather than reduce it.

Mine were born 18 and 16 years ago and I agree that things have changed a lot.

Both mine were weaned at 16 weeks, onto boots baby rice & jars, didn't feel too bad about failingto breastfeed both of them, though I did try a bit. Certainly didn't get any criticism for any of that stuff.

Mind you, there were no parenting forums and I never bought a baby magazine or book so didn't feel remotely pressured.

Oh, and I left them to cry for half an hour or so if absolutely necessary.

And went back to work 10 weeks after ds1.

I don't think the self-absorption of reality TV and programmes like 'suppernannny' and those purporting to be able to train babies in a minute .. have done anything to help the cause.

I think it leads to much unhappiness and questioning of common sense and instinctive parenting.

I think there will always be those who choose to ignore official guidelines - I think the past decade has made many question the all knowingness of the medical profession. Take the whole MMR debacle ..

I don't think all that much has changed, I know people with very strict routines and those with very little.

My Mum had a much stricter routine with myself and DSIS (unless on holiday apparently!) than I do with my DC. She is horrified that I don't bathe mine every night.

Like someone said horses for courses.

The way people approach things like weaning has hopefully changed as more research has been done and we are more aware of the effects of food on immature guts etc (though I know this is being questioned at the moment). My MIL thinks I am completely anal about lots of things and will quite regularly give me a "well it didn't do me or my dc's any harm...". My reply is always that we know more now, so why should we do things the same forever?

As for routines and the like, there are more books and TV programmes around now certainly to raise awareness that you can do it that way should you chose to. But equally there are lots of people with small DC's who wouldn't dream of having any kind of routine. With bedtimes, baths etc, I'm quite strict now, but only because I know that is how I can get my DS to sleep well and be happy and content, not because GF or TH told me I needed to do it that way! If I try and keep him up beyond about 8.30 he goes into meltdown....

I have teens too (well at least one of them) and there were guidelines for weaning then too; 14 years ago, the guidelines were 4 months and starting with baby rice as I remember. And just like now, some people stuck like glue to the guidelines, whilst others did what their own mothers had done, or followed their own instincts.

Maybe. I've always been quite laidback as a parent so it does seem to me that parenting is a tension-creating stressful nail-biting experience these days.

I don't think I compare my parenting style, which helps me be more laidback. I was talking to someone in RL about this the other day - sometimes it's as much as you can do just to have the confidence to say "this is what we're doing" without backing it up with "so and so recommended it". A couple of our friends are so defensive about cosleeping/bfing/weaning etc when they don't have to be. It's their choice and it works for them, end of story.

DD is 8 months. We purposefully don't have a bed 'time', she has a routine that starts as soon as she's yawned. Most days this is around 6.30pm, some days as late as 8.15pm. It seems to work so far. She's not that into food still, but that will come.

Sometimes I think I don't worry enough, then I remember there's nothing to worry about!

We just do what works for us. So DS has a fixed bath and bed time (although flexible if we go away/out) but partly co-sleeps, naps at different times, is still BF at 15 months etc...We used slings but buggies too, did purees not BLW, have plastic/noisy and wooden/ traditional toys, weaned a bit early (5 months)... I didn't feel that I had to stick to a program and TBH I feel a little bit uncomfortable talking to people who do - who think you have to be ALL routine or ALL attachment parenting or whatever. It's just whatever works for your family. I'm not sure whether this has changed much in 10 years?

Like Icoulddoitbetter, I think lots of people like routines because they suit their babies. If my DS goes to bed late, he'll usually be up every 1.5 hours at night and awake for an hour and a half in the small hours due to overtiredness. Ditto having naps later than usual. I'm not naturally a routine person but I stick to a rough one for his benefit.

I think there are more parenting books (and the web, of course) so a lot of people feel they have to think more about what they're doing (whether that's routine or go-with-the-flow or whatever).