Routines, or just good habits?

[flipper99]

I'm looking for a book or similar to help me establish a "routine" with my 4 week old DS - mainly so I can feel as though there is a bit more structure to our lives. I don't think Gina Ford would be for me - a bit too inflexible and I don't want to leave him to cry - and I've read a bit of Baby Whisperer which just seems far too complicated. I guess I just want to make sure I'm doing things like bedtime routines etc in a good way rather than the chaos it currently feels like! - so maybe just a good childcare book would be okay. Any recommendations?

PS - this is my first mumsnet post so hope I've picked the right forum

Hi Flipper, I do a very loose baby whisperer type thing which is basically eat, play sleep and whilst dd sleeps I get on with whatever I need to do. Then wake up and do it all over again! Small babies usually can't stay awake or any more than 1.5 to 2 hours at a time so try to put your lo down again roughly within this timeframe and you will hopefully find that your own routine will develop over the course of a few weeks. My dd is now 19 weeks and have been doing this since about 8 weeks old. Don't stress too much if the routine slips a bit as long as your day has a rough structure it'll be fine.

Ditto what waffle said. We did a very loose BW routine to start with (Eat, Activity, Sleep) I made a note of the times and when I looked back over a week discovered that we did actually have a fairly regular routine, I just hadn't realised!

Grab a pen love, let me save you some money

Don't worry about routine for at least another 4 weeks, it will only stress you out, it's also good to let him find a little bit of a pattern himself!

I have 2, 3yrs and 1yr.

I read every childcare book before DC 1 came along! I found out of all the books there really are just a few simple rules to stick to without watching the clock or being on edge if he doesn't sleep to the designated length of times!

I find a great golden is never let a baby stay awake for more than 2 hours. At this stage it doesn't matter if it's only been and hour but never ever more than 2. After that they are over tierd so won't settle well and cry and moan alot.

Those naps are very important if they are to be good sleepers at night in the long run. Dont car what time or for how long, a naps a nap.

At your DC's age 3 naps a day roughly does it.

I think it's around 4-6 months they only need 2 (cant remember).

This bit is very important so come a bit closer for this secret , when your DS is around 8 weeks, give him a bath every night at the same time, his feed every night around the same time and settle him around the same time - I know, rocket science but it is VERY important.

Mine both settled at 7pm with one feed inbetween by 3 months and slept 12 hours by 6 months. Both breast fed. Man im smug

There you go, see, i've saved you money and reading time. I wish someone would have done that for me.

sneakapeak - I think you should apply to be gina ford's editor! That's basically 'her' routine in a nutshell, just appallingly described in her book. Couldn't agree with all your points more.

(although unfortunately dd2 took till about 11months to sleep 10+ hours, dd1 was a super sleeper and boy was I smug about it )

Totally agree with lukewarmmama but don't worry if your baby even wants 4 short naps in a day, and gets grisly & tired after an hour or so. I read all the books, but my baby is now only in a 'routine' aged 10 months! I used to worry about it a lot, just like you, but it really does work itself out!

I have always let him sleep when he wants and have almost never woken him (although I am starting to now as he needs less sleep in the day, so I engineer it a bit so he sleeps when I want him to. :o It's a good idea to structure feeds though - or at least ensure they get enough during the day so that they sleep better at night. i.e. don't allow them to go too long between feeds - try feeding at least every 3 hours - or more if they seem hungry.

One book I can recommend if you must use a book is Your Baby Week By Week This is more of a reassuring, common sense guide to looking after your baby, rather than imposing any particular structure or routine. I found it the most helpful of them all!

Sorry I meant sneakapeak!

This is brill Baby Secrets

It's a loose feeding routine which allows for flexibility plus great advice on getting them sleeping through the night. Also stuff like 15 mins 'nappy off' time. I loved it.

Don't stress too much about the naps. Let the baby sleep when it needs to. I tried the 'don't let your baby stay awake for more than two hours' thing but he would hardly sleep during the day for the first four months, whatever I tried. He was just very very alert and engaged with the world around him from birth. It made me very stressed that he wouldn't nap. When I stopped stressing about getting him to sleep and just put him in the sling/pushchair and got on with things, he would just get a few minutes sleep whenever he felt like it, not on command every two hours as everyone had been telling me to do.

Thanks for all the tips. The daytime naps are one of the things I'm worrying about - he will only sleep in someone's arms and just won't be put down to sleep (unless he's in the pram or carseat). I'm sure he gets overtired as he's often awake for more than 2 hours but how do I solve the problem of him not going to sleep?

sneakapeak you're a bloody genius - I think what you've said is probably very, very true if you've an easy baby.

DS is 6 months old and I spent a good while in the first few months worrying about routines and the fact we didn't have one. We tried a bit of Babywhisperer but it just didn't suit us and made me stressed that I was doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. I fed him randomly whenever he seemed hungry and everytime inbetween. My DS had so many growth spurts and manic hungry evenings that following a 3 hour feeding schedule would have been impossible.

As far as naps went I found the "don't let the baby stay awake for more than 2 hours" thing pretty helpful and generally it was true for us but sometimes and some days he just didn't want to nap and it took me a while to realise he wouldn't spontaneously combust or die if he hardly slept all day . And as people have said a nap is a nap whether its a mythical 2 hour one in their cot or a few mins snooze in a sling / carseat / on your lap. I found at your DC age going for a walk with a sling was a great way for me to destress and get out of the house and get them to have a snooze. We started a bedtime routine at 8-10 weeks when he was ready to go to bed early (7pm ish) before then he came up with us and fed and snoozed til late.

We've only just very recently fallen into a rough daily rhythm that suits us and he naps twice a day and feeds once in the night. Buts I am sure it will go tits up all change next month. Sorry for the long post and ramble but I was really stressed about routines etc for the first few months and looking back I think it stopped me from enjoying the snuggly lovely newborn bit. Congrats and enjoy your little one and enjoy the chaos and random days. You sound like you are doing a great job!

I second Baby Secrets. And everything SneakaPeak said. I have a five month old, who slept through the nigh from 9 weeks (still has a dreamfeed though). Its a very easy to read book, fairly flexible and no waffle!

Oh, and at four weeks, I reckon four naps a day.