Do bonding problems automatically mean PND?

[newmomma]

Just that...

details please

They don't automatically (it's v. common not to "bond" straight away, but with time, during the baby's first year or so), but if the situation is prolonged and involves disturbing negative feelings, which together with other symptoms make life miserable, then yes.

no lovely it doesn't.
it is really common to take some time to bond...if thats you...dont feel guilty..
PND is really common too...if thats you...don't feel guilty, and get some help

Well plenty of people who suffer PND do bond with their babies so it stands to reson that if you aren't feeling a strong bond yet it may not mean PND.

Either way though don't suffer in silence

PND of course does exist, and if you think that you may have please do see your GP or HV as soon as you can.

However, I think that people can be very very quick to medicalise and label what are actually very normal feelings post-birth.

I felt for quite a long time (several months) that I didn't love DC1. his doesn't mean I disliked him. I thought he was gorgeous and wanted to look after him but felt that I was babysitting for someone else's very cute baby rather than that I was actually his mother. I never felt that lightning bolt of love you hear about, it was a much slower process for me.

I was very wary of discussing this however, as I knew that the first thing people assume (and they're right to check, of course) is PND and start pushing you into that box when sometimes its not the case at all.

I would also add that having some negative feelings about motherhood and the baby are completely normal and understandable too.

It is as though this tiny little person has come in and smashed life as you knew it into little pieces - it takes time to adgust to the new world.

Plus, some bits are just crap - it's not a crime to resent sleep deprivation, an excrutiatingly bruised fanjo and sore nipples. You're not less of a mother if you're not enjoying every single little part of it. These bits do get better though, I promise.

If any of this is chiming with you, you are normal. It doesn't mean that you definitely have PND by any stretch of the imagination.

I think it's complicated - I felt an overwhelming bond with DS from the first minute we locked eyes after his birth, but I developed PND within a week as I was in hormonal turmoil about the pressure to meet his needs and the realisation my life and identity would be irrevocably changed.

I think when we use the word 'bonding' we often assume it's a wholly positive experience, but I think it does bring negative feelings too; maybe it's a nature thing to help us realise the dangers facing our little ones and help us be better mums? Bonding takes a lifetime, not a few weeks, and it really is amazing once babies begin to smile and play, the love all comes rushing in! Hope you are feeling ok, OP, and don't be shy about asking for help from family, friends and professionals in these difficult first few weeks.