When does it get easier?

[MockTurtle20]

Hi all...
This is my first post on Mumsnet, which I hear great things about.

Today is my due date, but 5 weeks ago my little boy arrived unexpectedly. My husband and I where shocked at the early arrival, but thrilled he was 5lbs 5oz, and very healthy.

As you have probably guessed, this is our first baby.

Anyway, I was told the first couple of weeks are the hardest, and it gets easier after that. Well... my question is, when does it get easier?! 5 weeks in, and I feel like although we're in the swing of things, it's still really difficult. He still wakes up every 2 hours at night for a feed, and is very difficult to get settled again. Also, he seems to have started waking up every time he is put down, and wont settle in his basket.

Are we finding it harder for longer because he was premature? Please, someone tell me it will get easier soon, and he will sleep for longer!

Thanks in advance.

Hello.

Welcome to MN. And congratulations on the birth of your DS.

I don't think there is a definite answer to your question.

Some find the first couple of months really hard going, some are knackered for the first couple of years. It depends on your baby, on you, on your surroundings, how much support you have.

One thing I think helps is not to be too hard on yourself. If the floors don't get mopped, or the bathrooms cleaned, never mind. Do it tomorrow.

When your DS goes down for a sleep, put your feet up and have a tea/coffee and a look at MN or have a snooze. Don't try to be superwoman.

I found it was about 4 months before I really thought it was 'getting easier' with my first baby. 5 weeks is still very,very little especially as he was premature. But even though it was easier it wasn't easy IYSWIM. It wasn't until we had dc2 that we relaxed a little and everything seemed easier with her!

But yes, he will sleep for longer, you will be able to put him down, he will eventually settle himself but I remember times when just one day seemed like a very long time! Don't feel you have to be doing anything yet, just go with the flow!

5 weeks is still tiny. I hear so many people saying babies won't stay asleep if put down, will only sleep in the pram etc. Mine (now 5 1/2 months) did all this but is getting easier and far more predictable now. It took until about 4 months or so and I guess some of it was me taking that long to learn to read my baby too. But I genuinely think it's all just phases babies go through and eventually they get easier, or at least enter a different phase! I was very much a go with the flow and just let my baby sleep in my arms, or took him out in the pram and have been repetedly told I shouldn't, but it worked for me - I justed wanted him to get some sleep and felt I should do whatever that took! If my LO falls asleep after a feed in the day now I can put him down no probs but that has only happened recently. I vaguly remember hearing that initialy babies go straight into REM sleep which is lighter and easier to wake from, but at a bit older they go straight inot deep sleep instead so are easier to put down.

It does get easier! I found the first 6 weeks awful and then it got a bit easier. By 3 months I was really starting to understand DDs needs and now she's 5 months, it's great. Once the smiles start it all seems so much more rewarding and as you get to know each other(and they sleep more!)you relax and start to enjoy it.

Oh, it does get easier, I promise!

It varies from baby to baby, but I found the first 6 weeks with my eldest unbelievably hard. It gradually improved, and 6 weeks was a turning point, because he dropped his 2am feed. Then, 13 weeks, when his colic finally cleared up and he stopped screaming for 8 hours at a time:)

I know it seems a lifetime when you're going through it, but it will pass. The feeds will start stretching soon, and then you'll find you're having far more better days/nights than bad ones.

By the way, both my boys had particularly bad patches at 5 weeks - lots of wind, unsettled periods etc, which stopped at 6 weeks. My second boy was 4 weeks early, but it didn't seem to make much difference to his feeding patterns.

I found 3 months was when I started thinking it got a bit easier... and around 12 months even easier again :)

I'm sure in a few weeks things will improve - he will sleep longer etc - but it seems ages now I know. Treat yourself as well as you possibly can, go into emergency mode and let yourself have as many treats, short cuts etc as possible.
Find a coping mechanism - something you can do that will make yourself feel better - mine was long baths... even if I just lay there and cried!

Have you thought about co-sleeping? Can really help with exhaustion from night wakings...and I know loads of people who did it for a bit and then stopped with ease.

Anyway, in conclusion, it will get better, I promise :)

I found there was a turning point at about 7-8 weeks when our baby finally figured out the difference between day and night, although it got worse before then at about 6 weeks because he suddenly started noticing the world around him so it became much harder to get him to sleep. It's certainly not easy yet, but I can at least get enough sleep to survive on now.

Apparently the way babies' sleep works changes physiologically at around four months, and I'm praying that things get better around then.

Three months a turning point, and six months even better - when DS got the hang of napping in the day.

IME give it another 11 years... and then be prepared to wait a little longer

No, really. It got easier for me when DD was 4 months old... coincided with the day I went back to work.

I found a reall turning point at about 3 years is the honest answer. Ooh and once their out of nappies its a big relief.

Congratulations!

Yes, it is tough to begin with - the disrupted sleep in particular is a killer.

My own DD was a month prem and weighed less than your DS. She also point blank refused to breastfeed (which I had set my heart on), mostly hated being put down to sleep and had lactose overload (lots of wind in her tummy caused by undigested milk) which also interfered with sleep.

In the end, co-sleeping, lap-sleeping, chair-sleeping and using a sling helped and after 6 weeks or so, we began to be able to put her down (in a Cocoonababy) for longer. She also learned to breastfeed (with the help of a lactation aid).

IIRR, between four and five months things started to feel more settled and although she still doesn't sleep through (at 12 months), I soon learned to function reasonably well on less sleep and the confidence grew.

You'll be fine. Try and go with the flow as best you can. Soon you'll look back and wonder where the time went.

Thanks all. I'm writing this during a 3am feed... but he's just slept for 4.5 hours, so maybe it's getting easier already...