I don't feel there's any happiness in my house...

[PennyLess]

I just feel like my children do nothing but fight and I do nothing but shout at them, either for fighting, or for complaining about their food or for wasting time when they're supposed to be putting shoes on/cleaning teeth/whatever. They are 7, 5 and 3 and all I want is happy children and a happy family life and I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. They just never seem happy. There's always something wrong - I'm asking them to do homework (whine), it's the wrong shape of pasta (whinge), why can't we watch television (grizzle).
Anyone else feel like this ever? I work so hard for them and am getting no satisfaction out of it at all.

yes, it sounds like the scenario in my house. if you find a magic solution, please let me know.

i have however found that when i am being optimistic, yelling less at them, they tend to behave better. and when they see consequences for their actions, they learn to think, before messing things up. well, a tiny bit anyways.

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But what makes them fight all the time? they do love, and indeed like each other, and at times play well - but generally three's a crowd. On the one hand, siblings will fight, I know, but on the other hand, I have friends with 3 children who don't.

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i think the three siblings who dont fight are just plain weird.
fighting can be a positive sort of interaction. ds2 will fight/beat up his little sister. but he wont let anyone else and will protect her. but she can give as good as she gets. and tbh doesnt need any protecting anymore.

i remember beating up my older sister. we are the best of friends still.

moaning fighting whinging - yes ungrateful - thats kids all over - dont worry its how it is.

try creating some good memories - thats how i like to think of them - so the other day i had a water fight ( inside the house) with 2 of my kids.

or cook something with them

or grow something with them - like a carrot top in a saucer - ded easy

play family games - like hangman, sharades, make a collage.

and remember whatever it is - it always needs tidying - so dont be anal about housework

Hey penny
I have also have 3 kids, they have got along pretty well as you've described, and it seems fairly normal...honest.
They're all teenage now and get along fine, except the usual stuff. Thing is, don't over react to it, they're just kids being kids. Have fun and keep your hair on

I just don't feel capable of making them happy. They seem to need such different things. The little one needs such intensive attention that he makes it impossible to do anything together happily. The eldest has no life at all of his own and just grumbles about it, and at's all because he has two younger siblings and I just can't cope with separate agendas. I always wanted three but now I wonder if I made a huge mistake.

No, its not a mistake, and yeah the eldest often suffers at the expense of extra attention to younger ones. My eldest dd has moaned like hell about it over the years, just makes it a full time job thats all.

pennyless I used to feel like this, then I learnt how to shut off
seriously though imo it wouldnt be a normal household without some whinging going on

If they all have separate agendas then get them doing different things. I used to love the idea of family trips out- blah de blah puke, but we had to stop that as ds1 is severely autistic and needs different things to the other 2 (who currently can do the same thing). So now we usually split- dh and ds1 do one thing, I do something else with the other 2. Fought against it for ages but life is a lot easier with separate agendas. Sometimes we leave combinations with various people (parents or respite) and take the remaining one(s) out- that works well.

yeah, have had to work in a similar way at times. With different ages and interests, have split them up to do different things, leaving others at granparents or even their mother. They enjoy the attention much more and have a great time with only me to argue with

I think that's a really moving way to put it pennyless. When my son is in bed I think I often feel the same way but haven't put it as well as you did. Might be a mistake hoping for satisfaction. Lower your expectations maybe? I don't mean that in at all a judgemental or patronising way because I really know how you feel. I just wonder how much it is in our power to make them happy for any length of time. 10 minutes and I'm grateful. I find going to bed REALLY early can help me to ride the storm.

Pennyless, you are describing me to a tee!!!

I have 4 girls from age 10 down to age 2 with 6 year old twins in the middle. I feel like my voice is permanently raised and Dh has picked up on how much less tolerant I am now we have 4 children.

I am fine if it's just maybe 2 of them like this morning it's just the eldest and the youngest because the twins are and nanny's but I know as soon as they get home it will be bedlam

We try to split them to do different activities but money plays a big part in it as does my Husbands shift work.

I keep telling myself that it will get better and this weekend we are starting the Pasta Jar so will see how it goes.

Sorry I can't offer advice but wanted to say I know how you feel hun :-) xx

Growing up, I don't think my brother and I were happy unless we were fighting or moaning. We may have given my parents the impression that we weren't happy but in reality we look back on those years of screaming at each other as the happiest of our lives. Whilst still being practical, I'd try and let 'em fight and whinge and just try and chill out a bit, it doesn't mean they're not happy - its just what kids do.