can you 'spoil' a three week old?

[Jujo2011]

Hello everyone, I'm new here, but would a bit of advice please? I have a three week old little girl, first baby for both myself and DP.

Basically to cut a long story short, my little girl hasn't been very well, she's had a pretty bad cold. Now for the last week or so, she has become a little clingy, she likes to be cuddled, which I have been doing, as the poor mite, when she's breathing you can hear her rasping. Anyway my MIL came round the other night, and basically said I was spoiling her by cuddling her all the time, she told me I was making a rod for my own back, and if I carried on cuddling her to sleep, she will always need to be cuddled to sleep. I told her, as she is so bunged up, she struggles to sleep at the moment, so if I can get her to sleep by cuddling her I will, and then I put her down in her moses basket. MIL then told me that I should leave baby to cry!!!! This seems a bit cruel to me, to leave a three week old to cry herself to sleep, MIL said as long as she has been fed and has a clean nappy etc, then crying will do her no harm, and I should leave her to it. I'm not sure I agree with this, (and I'm not sure I would be able to leave her crying) but as this is my first baby, I could be wrong, and I certainly do not want a clingy baby, caused by me cuddling her 'too much' I didn't realise you could cuddle a three week old 'too much' - she's three weeks old fgs!

Anyone any thoughts? How old should a baby be when they start to settle themselves in their moses basket/cot? should I leave her to cry?

Any advice gratefully received.

she is absolutely wrong; this attitude used to be more prevalent, but is just rubbish. Babies are lovely, enjoy yours.

people used to say that to me. They were wrong, dd is growing to be lovely and confident and very independent. I think that by giving them all the cuddles and comfort they need when they are little, you are giving them the security that they need to know that you are always there. When they are older, they know that without having to be attached to you.

I had all this crap from my own mother with my first.

She had me convinced I would have him waking in the night at 6 yrs old if I did pick him up too much or cuddled him in bed too much after a BF.

He had reflux and I didn't know it. He screamed constantly and she convinced me it was because he had too much attention and expected it.

I very regretfully let him cry it out after a BF, a short spat of walking up and down and a cuddle then id leave him to cry .

I now know better by being round other mums.

He is a happy affectionate little boy now but if he has a cold or wakes in the night or wakes after a nap in the car he is hysterical and cannot be calmed at all.
I have no idea if it's because of what I done but it eats away at me.

For the record...
DS was fed, cuddled, winded, walked a bit then left to cry - he slept through by 6 months and is not overly clingy.

DD was NEVER left to cry it out as a young baby (also had reflux). Held and carried constantly - she slept through by 6 months and is not overly clingy.

Your MiL theory is rubbish. It's nothing to do with caring for them properly as a baby and more to do with stability, confidence and how you bring them up later.

Enjoy the newborn cuddles - give us a sniff of her head pleeeeease!

Thanks for all the replies - it's really put my mind at rest. I wasn't comfortable with the idea of leaving her to cry, hence me not doing it and asking advice here.

I know MIL means well, but things have changed since she had her kids (her youngest is 24) but she doesn't listen I try to explain this, but as someone said - she just says 'it never did my lot any harm' ah well! lol!

Yes Dessen, I have a nasel aspirator - seems to really help bless her - it's awful when they can't blow their nose I also have saline drops.

Thanks again for replies x