my kids are getting me really down

[yesmeagain]

you would think im talking about young kids but im talking about teenagers.

i dread my 15 year old coming home for the last few weeks shes non stop screaming abuse,how much she hates me,how stupid i am ,how much she hates her family etc etc.she throws things slams doors call me fat ,a cow i could go on and on.i do understand shes hormonal and i ignore alot of it and choose my battles very carefully,but their are times she has behaviour cant be ignored when ever i try to disaplin her she threatens me with her dad or says i will throw my laptop at the wall and tell him you did it( me and my x split because of DV and she knows im terrified of him he has put me through hell and back again)i cant hardly talk to her all she ever says is go away.

i have a 13 year old son who has learning difficulties hes now starting to copy her behaviour.every time he wants something he screams or if i say no to something he says he wants to go live with his dad.

i have a grown up daughter who recently left home shes constantly got some drama or another going on and always turns to me for help and of course i do and always will be there to support her.but shes constantly asking my advice and then she slams the phone down on me if i dont say what she wants to hear.when ever she comes to visit her sister always makes her feel unwelcome and makes sly comments or tells her to go home. my son is also telling her to go home because he copies his sister.if i try to go visit my daughter her sister refuses to come and her brother is a pain as he gets really bored .

then i have a dog who never stops barking and constantly got the kids screaming at me to shut him up,of course the more they scream the more he barks.

normally i just get on with things but this weekend i have just fell to peices and keep crying i miss my daughter who has left home and feel i cant get any quality time with her as the other 2 spoil it,sounds awful but my 15 year old is starting to remind me of her abusive dad its starting to bring back painful memories and my son is wearing me out with running about after him,dealing with his moods and he keeps going on and on about me homeschooling him because he hates school then threatening to live with his dad.

i have no family near me, i dont work because im my sons carer, my friends gradually have faded away and my x only has the kids for a couple of hours twice a week.i just feel a failour and have lost control of my life and my kids

Oh my gosh yesmeagain you have it all going on! I only have one teenager living with me so cant offer much advice as this is a first for me. He is my brother and he stays with my mom one night a week and with us the rest.
Its such a difficult time. Try and explain a little to your older daughter how you feel esp about wanting some time out with her.
I think you really need to find something for yourself. Maybe if you had a stronger sense of yourself it might not feel so overwhelming. Im not sure what you can do about your daughter - hopefully one of the other mums on here can give you advice. Does she treat you like that in front of other people? (other than your son) It sounds like she has a lot of anger issues. Are there services/professionals near you that would advise you on what to do? There must be some support for families that have been thru what you have? I hope someone else comes along with more appropriate advice but in the mean time take care of yourself. x

I know friends who've encouraged their daughter to go on the pill just to calm down those raging hormones, success stories from our friendship group. But clearly here the problems go deeper than teenage hormones. Does she act out at school?

It really sounds like she needs help. My hunch would be that it is the DV situation that has left her with a lot of damage: if she knows enough to threaten you with your ex, then she is obviously very messed up. I'd get professional help. See your GP and ask about counselling. Family therapy would probably be good but can be difficult to access. Sounds like this is about more than hormones.

I agree whole heartedly with cory.

Your DD needs counselling immediately, soon as possible.

Your ex has obviously had a huge impact on her and she needs profesional help if she is to have the chance of growing into a stable happy adult.

I had an abusive dad and my brother (now 39) is ten times more abusive then he ever was. He has 2 ex wives who are terrified of him. His last one actually went into a womans refuge and the kids are undergoing counselling.

Im not saying this will happen to your DD but I am pointing out just how much damage they cause.

If she gets proper counselling now and maybe some family counselling with you also, she will definitely benefit from it.

I have bouts of anxiety and recently went to cognitive behavioural therapy and it totally opened my eyes. I thought I had been untouched mentally and I was the stable one - not so .
I now realise I have lived with terrible lack of confidence and self worth and have felt so much better since I talked and worked through it with the therapist.

You sound like you do well to cope and you need a break. x